Saga Book 7 (#37-42)

"Families are goddamn wildfires.  They might start out small, but brother, watch them grow". - Hazel

Look we're up to Book 7 of this series and about a zillion different characters have appeared I can't summarise it all in one introduction.  If you haven't been following, go read the previous posts, go on shoo.  I always appreciate the hits.  Anyway this series by writer Brian K. Vaughn and artist Fiona Staples tells the story of a war between the planet of Landfall and its ornery little moon Wreath.  A war that has grown to encompass most of the galaxy as planets take sides and go to war as well.  But a Landfall woman called Alana and a Wreathian man called Marko fell in love, eloped and had a child called Hazel.  Much happened as they turned into something of target for both sides trying to cover up that they existed,  immediately prior to this book Hazel was captured and spent several years in a prison, after her family was split up due to events.  But finally she was rescued and one of her fellow prisoners a somewhat salty transwoman Wreathian called Petrichor came along as well.  Now the reunited Alana, Marko and Hazel are travelling back in their wooden spaceship to drop off Prince Robot VI and reunite him with his son after he got caught up in their shenanigans as Petrichor makes clothes for the new baby because Alana is pregnant again.   The story is narrated by Hazel from some point in the future and this six issue volume contains the first major arc, "The War For Phang".

Marko and Alana are watching their daughter sleep and are so happy to have her back.  Alana says they need to tell her she's going to have a sibling. Marko says she should take a test first, but Alana says she's late and craving roast beef sandwiches, "and those things completely gross me out unless I'm knocked up".  Marko says pregnacy between their species is a dangerous thing but Alana thinks everything they were taught about the incompatibility of their races was just propaganda to keep them apart.

Marko and Alana together with Hazel.

Marko says that Hazel is still processing how to be part of a family again, but Alana says she's five years old and pulled off something she never did, "my little girl's going to be a big sister."  She then embraces Marko and says "we are so fucking lucky".  And of course it's then something goes wrong with the ship.

Elsewhere onboard, Prince Robot VI is naked and trying to orgasm from masturbation, he tugs away saying, "come on, you bastard let's clear out this cannon before it backfires."  But he doesn't see to be having much luck and one of the images in his head is Alana.  Hazel comments that there had been a time when Prince Robot VI wanted to kill her parents with his both hands.  "Thankfully, my folks had a way of growing on people" she goes on to say.

Well some of them anyway.  Izabel the ghost babysitter is chatting with Petrichor who is spinning away making a romper suit, "earning my keep for our new prison wardens."  Izabel asks why not some nice maternity gear but Petrichor says she won't dress a "filthy Landfallian".  She is grateful for the ride but hopes Alana and Prince Robot VI gets sucked out during a hull breach.

She notes that Hazel is still missing her grandmother and all her friends from the detention area.   Izabel says she's been sitting for Hazel since she was a newborn, she'll be OK.  Petrichor wonders if she's told others she's trans.  Izabel says, "who even cares, Petri?"  Petrichor looks a little sad and replies quietly, "you have no idea."
Izabel said Hazel had to keep the truth of her own body a secret so she understands the value of privacy.   Petrichor asks if she does, Izabel points to her missing lower half saying, "lady, does it look like I give a shit what anybody's got going on below the waist?" 

Petrichor and Izabel.

Petrichor asks why Izabel chooses that form.  Izabel said it's because it was ow she looked last time she drew breath and also she has a sweet musical band T-shirt she got from the final show of "Pyrosis" before they broke up.   Petrichor is impressed Izabel saw them live.  Then the orange lights reach them and Hazel runs in saying "You guys, come quick.  Sounds like something real bad is happening!"

They all congregate in the engine room, including Prince Robot VI, "what have you sex criminals ruined this time?" It seems a fuel artery has sprung a leak and they are running on fumes.   If they toss the magic helmet into the furnace it'll get them enough thrust to reach the next system.   They have no alternative, they are going to have to land and refuel on Phang.

This godforsaken place was also caught up in the Landfall and Wreath war.   An exotic land made up of thousands of species who all hated each other.   They are ruled by either a duly elected president or dictator depending who you asked.  A violent insurrection rose up and the interstellar community was forced to choose between a government and its people.  So the Landfallians and Wreathians took opposing sides. The war was more for territory than helping the people of Pheng, the comet has fuel in spades.

Hazel: "Over the years, wave after wave of young soldiers gave their lives to ensure that their enemies never seized control of this motherlode. The locals had a pretty rough time of it too.  the infrastructure was a shambles, Phang was left with only one real export.  Refugees."

We then cut to Sophie and Lying Cat, now on Wreath.  Sophie admits she misses her home a little but everyone she loves are on Wreath.  Gwendolyn walks over to her and Sophie says she has applied to intern with a real Freelancer.

Sophie and Lying Cat.

Gwendolyn asks why she would let her best page do such a stupid thing. Sophie says she wants to pay her back, finish what The Will never did.  She says she saved enough to start paying her union dues, she wants to take care of Gwendolyn's evil ex-boyfriend, Marko.

Gwendoln says that's sweet of her but she is over Marko.  Sophie says that Marko is the reason Gwendolyn doesn't have a better job on Wreath.  Gwendolyn says it's not that simple and when Lying Cat starts saying "Lyin...ghh?" he finds Gwendolyn's stick in her mouth.  She tells her to take a walk. Sophie pleads with her saying she knows how "abusive creeps like Marko think".  But Gwendolyn says it's time to find out if Sophie has any family left, Sophie asks why now, things can't get worse on Phang where she is from.

Back in the wooden spaceship and after some back and forth between them all regarding whose army did what to the comet the ship lands.

Hazel: "Every new world we visted was an adventure.  And few adventures ended worse than this."

Petrichor strides out and discovers a small, meerkat looking alien who says his name is Kurti and he is really hungry. When Petrichor tells him they have food inside, he asks will it be enough for all of them and over ten more pop up behind him.

Kurti.

Izabel tries to frighten them off with her illusion powers but Kurti and the others can see through them.  Prince Robot IV comes outside with Hazel and he and Izabel exchange a few insults.  Kurti says he doesn't understand, "wings and horns and ghosts and androids.. working together?"  Petrichor snaps, "fucking hardly."  Marko tells Kurti he and his wife are conscientious objectors.

Prince Robot VI says they are deserters "masquerading as peacemongers."  Petrichor agrees.  One of the other little aliens says they don't care who they are, their homes have been destroyed and they have been wandering for ages.  All they want is a little water and Hazel says they have lots and can she show them?  Marko and Alana share a look then say of course she can.

Marko tells Alana they can't turn them away in front of their daughter. Alana says she just wants to get out of here as fast as they can.  The comet's soil is rich with energy so it should take no time.  Hazel notes they were always bad at estimating how long things would take. They thought they'd be on Phang for a few hours, "we were there for six months".

The family grows.

We then cut to a very pregnant Alana, she is overseeing mealtime for the meerkat aliens.  One of them, the elder Jabarah gives her a bracelet to mark the birth of her son.  Alana says she doesn't know the sex of her baby but Jabarah says she knows by the way she holds her in her belly.  She thanks Alana saying their ship could have left weeks ago but it's been tasked with providing for the tribe.  "Our tribe" Jabarah says holding Alana's hand.

Elsewhere Marko and Petrichor are keeping an eye out for any fighting coming close by.  She says it was stupid to align with the clan of beasts.  Marko says they are saints, but Petrichor says that when she was stationed here one of them blew itself up at a checkpoint and killed three of her best men.  Marko says you can't judge a people based on the actions of a few.  Petrichor turns her back and says:

Petrichor: "Yes, I'm we aware of your niave beliefs.  I just hope I'm gone by the time you find out how wrong you've been."

Izabel finds Hazel and Kurt exploding bugs with Hazel's magic.  Izabel scolds them, but Hazel says she's not the boss of her and runs off. Future Hazel snarks, "what, like you were never a vicious little asshole when you were that age?"

Chekov's spell in action.

Watching, Price Robot VI says as his mother used to say "kids are a drag".  Izabel says she sounds like a "cunt".  Prince Robot VI says it's a fair assessment.   He's decided that he wants to be reunited with his son whose birthday is in a weeks time and he has no intention of missing it.  He's going to trek through several warzones to check an abandoned Robot Kingdom embassy in the hope he can find enough fuel to launch them off the place.

Izabel says she'll go, she can be his advance team. She's not doing it for him but for Hazel and her parents. He doesn't understand why she is so loyal to people have her in indetured servitude.  But Izabel says Marko and Alana have overpaid her.  They treated her like their flesh and blood and "they showed me the universe."

Hazel: "While my family enjoyed the world's longest pitstop, the various forces that wanted us dead were still hard at work. Some harder than others."

We then cut to The Will and his companion, a dog called Sweet Boy. He rings on a doorbell and a Wreathian woman answers.  He tells her he is trying to get in touch with Gwendolyn and the woman says that's her wife. Her name is Velour and tells The Will that Gwendolyn and Sophie are in Cerfurbo for a week, on "High Command business". The Will asks what kind of business and she says, "none of yours" and slams the door in his face.  Sweet Boy laughs as they walk away.

Izabel is doing some scouting and comes across a man with two heads, he's another Freelancer called The March and he has a little boar companion called "Bootstraps" (one of the heads appears to be female, but I'm going to stick with calling The March "him" just because it's easier, sorry).  He tells her he is looking for Marko, she denies knowing him but he says she can only be here if she had been attached to a baby.  Izabel babbles and tries to get away but he throws a lasso at her and actually captures her with it.

The March.

He tells her that "you ghouls aren't as untouchable as you'd like to think."  He says if she tells him where Marko is he'll let her go.   If she doesn't there is no coming back from the killing he'll inflict on her.  She says she doesn't want to die again, then defiantly asks if she should tell "the ugly bitch or the uglier bitch?"  He runs her through with his sword as Future Hazel remembers how she say the same things as she tucked her in at night, "Be a good girl tommorrow.. but not too good".  And Izabel explodes. Elsewhere Hazel cries out in pain as future Hazel muses, "No babysitter sticks around for ever... but the best ones never really leave you, do they?"

We then cut to Kurti as he brandishes a rifle he found, the others start playing with it and accidentally fire it.  Alana appears and asks what "the fuck is wrong with you kids?!"  Kurt whispers that she "said a cuss". Alana confiscates the weapon, then Hazel comes running in to the kitchen where the others are saying she can feel that Izabel has gone, she can feel it.

Prince Robot VI admits that she had gone to check for reserves of fuel, it's not like she could be killed again, "can she..?" Hazel cries that she was mean to her and now she's dead.   Marko says he is sure he can track her down. But Petrichor says she'll go and look for her, Marko is a wanted man whereas she most likely won't run into a soldier who knows her.

The Will is enjoying some downtime on Wreath in a titty bar.  He is contacted by his Freelancer rep who note he hasn't taken a job in months.  He says he'll get back to getting Marko and Alana and the baby, but he is told that assignment has been transferred to a "better-reveiewed" Freelancer - The March.  Insurance says he also failed his last drug test and so The Will is fired.

The Will, not in great shape right now.

Also the rep is shutting down so if he wants to appeal it'll have to be with a different one. Business is lousy for them right now.  A few years ago the powers that be would outsource their work but now they are happy to get their own hands dirty.  As he tells The Will this, The Will is being attacked by what appears to be the strippers boyfriend.

The Will tries to uses his lance on it but that was deactivated as soon as he was fired. He is no longer authorised to legally terminate individuals.  His rep wishes him luck as The Will breaks off the Wreathian mans horn and stabs him with it and he slumps to the floor as the Wreathian staggers off and the rep calls him "Billy", no longer is he The Will.

Back with our main cast, Hazel is sitting and thinking.  Kurti comes up to her as she asks if he believes in Paradise?   He says he does, and they wonder together what it must be like.  Hazel thinks it might just be "a fakey story they tell.  Like the Feather Fairy".  Kurti asks what the Feather Fairy is and Hazel tells him that one day a feather from her wings fell out and that scared her, but Izabel told her that the Feather Fairy would trade her a gift for every feather she put under her pillow.  But she just got marbles that Izabel put there.

Hazel: "There are no fairies.  It's just like Paradise, another made-up like they tell us so we won't be scared.  But we should be.  We should be scared."

Kurti is still pondering how Izabel could physically put marbles under her pillow.  Hazel says she is going to kiss him now and they gently kiss on the lips (Kurti is a kid too).

Hazel and Kurti get closer.

Petrichor is ready to leave to look for Izabel.  She insists of going alone, refusing to take the rifle saying they might need it. She tells Alana she has the future to think about, "and you've surrounded yourself with people who only think of the past."

We then cut to The March exploring the abandoned Robot Kingdom Embassy.  It looks like they all killed each other. One is still alive though missing his lower half, he asks for a bottle of "Juniperus" to drink before he expires.  The March says he'll pour him a drink if he tells him what happened here.

The March asks if this is to do with the current targets but the Ambassador says it's larger than that.  They uncovered something shocking they were going to share with their hosts here on Phang but there was a "disagreement" between them and the Royal Gaurd as to whethere or not this was a prudent course of action.

The plan is underway, "they intend to exterminate every living thing on this comet".  The March asks who the hell is "they", the Horns or the Wings?  The Ambassador just laughs saying "or?" and then expires.  The March says "dammit.  I always wanted to see how these freaks drink." And he downs the booze instead.

The March and Bootstraps.

We then return to Prince Robot VI having a dream, he's riding a pegasus and talking to his son, Squire who calls him a "good father, but a terrible man".  Prince Robot VI asks how he could call him a good father?  Then Squire turns into Izabel and he says he had worried he had lead her spirit to its doom.  She says he did but it's a far cry from the worst thing he's done and she turns into a girl with a hole in her forehead.

Watching him sleep and looking at the images playing across his screen are Hazel and Kurti who note that his dreams are always creepy.  Kurti says it's more interesting that reading sacred scrolls with his cousin.  He then tells her that with Izabel gone Hazel will be the sitter for the new baby because that's how it goes in his family. Hazel says it's not fair, she just got mum and dad back and now she has to share them.  Then Prince Robot VI wakes up and they run off as he yells at them.

Marko and Jabarah are watching a battle taking place in the distance.  He wonders why the Wreath forces to the north are suddenly retreating, they have the Landfallians outnumbered ten to one, "since when do my people run from those odds?"  Jabarah hands him a sword saying they should be prepared to fight.   But Marko refuses to take it saying he wants nothing to do with instruments of death again.

Jabarah says that he mustn't be scared, the blade is only as good or evil as the person who wields it. "I'm not fucking scared!" yells Marko.  He then asks Jabarah to forgive him, Phang was the first place he killed someone.  Holding a sword was as exhilarating as holding his daughter for the first time, "more so on my worst days". While they talk, The March is watching them through a telescope.

Marko admits his struggles with his violent nature to Jabarah.

Back on Wreath, Sophie and Gwendolyn are walking to a small shed. Gwendolyn tells Sophie if she isn't out in fifteen minutes, "tell my wife I died somewhere exotic".  She goes inside and down some steps into a larger underground room.  There she meets a Landfallian man called Gale.  Gwendolyn hands him a box saying it's exactly what "you assholes requested" and Lying Cat confirms she is telling the truth.

She says she is concerned for the rest of Phang, can they guarantee civilians won't be harmed.  Gale says they will relocate as many locals as possible, but this is foremost about "bringing a dignified end to a theatre of war that's already cost both our sides way to much."  She says is that all Phang is to them, a "theatre?"  Gale walks off saying that if anything goes wrong with this, Wreath High Command will have her executed long before she can rat them out to the press.  Neither of them notice Sophie was peeking behind them and heard it all.

Back on Phang, Petrichor is searching for Izabel.  Then a giant mushroom speaks to her saying perhaps it can help.   It says it's a "Bluecap" planted in places of conflict to remember the battles fought there.  Petrichor asks if she has seen a spirit pass this way.   The Bluecap says it hasn't, no one resides here anymore the peple were evacuated at gunpoint.  Petrichor asks why, what is coming?  The Bluecap tells her "the real question is... where are we going?" And we get a double page spread of Phang heading towards a giant figure floating in space.

Petrichor chats with a giant talking mushroom.

Back on Phang, Alana is examing her belly in the mirror. Prince Robot VI appears and asks if she is okay? She says the baby is just kicking hard. He says he wants to speak to her in private and the word "LUST" appears on his screen. Alana realises he is high.  He had kept the last of Yuma's Fadeaway stash himself and took it five minutes ago.

He says he sees himself in "high definition" and realises he has feelings for her and points his gun arm at her.  He tells her his feelings aren't sexual, he thinks she'll be " an excellent mother to my son". Then he puts the gun to his head and says, "please help him be a better man than I was."

Prince Robot VI is depressed.

Petrichor has returned and tells Jabarah that they're all going to die, she didn't find any sign of Izabel but the Bluecap told her why everyone is abandoning this comet, "we're about to crash into a goddamn Timesuck". Jabarah says the Bluecaps are unreliable, but Petrichor says she saw it and it'll happen within the hour.  Jabarah says God will keep their homeland safe, much to the vexation of Petrichor.  Then she asks why Jabarah is lookout and she says she relieved Marko so he could put Hazel and Kurt to bed.  Petrichor sniffs the air, picking up the scent of expensive bodywash, "or am I losing my mind?"

Inside Prince Robot VI is still holding his gun-arm to his head, "right. Safe travels then". Alana pleads with him not to do this, she says his son would be haunted by this.  Prince Robot VI says he is doing what's right and she sees an image of herself in bondage gear on his screen.  Prince Robot VI implores her to look away, then Marko comes in and the drugged up Prince points his gun at him.

As the words "Sorry" appear on his screen, he shouts "die Moon cunt" at Marko and blasts him, but Marko has his shield and manages to protect himself just being rendered unconcious.  Prince Robot VI realises what he's done but then Alana wallops him across the back of his head with an ornament and he's down for the count as well.

Meanwhile Hazel and Kurti are playing hide-and-seek. Unfortunately it's then that The March appears and grabs Kurti telling him that if he tells him where the family he is after is, he won't hurt him or his loved ones. Kurti just tells him his "breaths smell bad".  So The March holds his sword to Kurti's throat and walks out into the open saying he requests an audience with "foot soldier Marko".

Shit starts to go down.

Looking down Alana can only swear, "God fucking dammit".  The March says that his piggy Bootstraps followed Izabel's "stench" here, oh and he killed her and he'll do the same to Kurti unless Marko comes out.  Hazel is sitting with her hands over her ears while Future Hazel says it was always the sound of violence that bothered her more than the sight.

Hazel: "To this day, I still prefer the silence of space to the rhythmic din of worlds like my mom and dad's.  Peace always sounded nice... but peace and quiet is the dream".

We rejoin Sophie, Lying Cat and Gwendolyn.  Sophie is irritated that they are collaborating with Landfall.  Gwendolyn spouts some excuse that this is for the good of Wreath but before an argument can ensue, The Ex-Will, now just Billy appears with Sweet Boy. 

He tells them that he's come to try and make things right with his old partner Lying Cat and maybe Sophie could come with him and learn to be a proper Freelancer.  "Lying?" says Lying Cat.  He then admits he's not a Freelancer at the moment but he could start showing Sophie the ropes as he makes things right with the union.  Gwendolyn puts a protective hand on Sophie's shoulder.

Sophie says she can make her own decisions. She goes up to Billy and tells him she'll always be in his debt for rescuing her from the nightmare she was trapped in. 

Sophie: "But working with Gwendolyn has shown me there are ways to change the lives of millions, not just the individual men like you are paid to hurt."

Her place is on Wreath but if Lying Cat wants to go with him she won't stand in her way.  We then get a shot of Lying Cat siting between Billy and Sophie... then she slinks behind Sophie having made her choice.  Saddened Billy leaves them saying "Good luck with your politicking ladies" as he walks off into the sunset.

Oh Lying Cat, you so cute.

Back on Phang, The March is giving them one last chance to come out.  Hazel whimpers about what she is going to do, but Jabarah puts a hand over her mouth as Petrichor shushes her.  Then Alana appears armed with the rifle, "hurt the boy and I separate you two.  Painfully".  She says they'll pay double to get rid of him, but he says that she has no idea how much "the Moonies are willing to spend to have you and Marko eliminated". He goes onto say that actually they're fortunate he found them because they at least want their "half-breed kid alive" unlike the Landfallians who want them all dead.

Alana bluffs that Marko left weeks ago with Hazel, but perhaps they can make a deal for the other half-breed he left her with.  He calls her bluff and incapacitates her with his sword whip.  Petrichor mutters that the blast radius is too tight, she'll hurt Kurt as well.  At that, Hazel bites Jabarah's hand and able to speak, casts a spell that makes small explosions round The March which startles him into dropping Kurti.

He grins that it was a cute trick but now she should get down here and kiss her mama goodbye.  And then he is absolutely riddled with holes from the laser rifle and falls down dead in a pool of blood. Everyone looks on in paralysed shock as the shooter is revealed to be arch-pacifist Marko.

Marko will shed blood to defend his family.

On Wreath in Gwendolyn's home, Sophie is doing her hair and asks her what she thinks hell will be like.  She's feeling awful about what is going to happen to Phang.  Gwendolyn says that the only way they are damned to hell is if one of the countless lives they save turns out to be a mass murderer.  She also says that they are doing the people of Phang a favour, what have their lives been like "trapped in an endless crossfire of some asshole despot and whatever underfunded resistance he's up again this month?"

Sophie says she recognises that war can't be won without casualties, but how many are too many?  Gwendolyn says it varies by battlefield, she can't give her an exact number.  Sophie then asks is there really a hell?  Gwendolyn says of course there is and it's reserved for the Landfallians who started this.  She tells Sophie not to speak of this in front of Velour and Sophie says she wouldn't have mentioned this but she's been having bad dreams and... then Velour arrives with cupcakes and Sophie is happy again.

Inside the wooden spaceship, Prince Robot VI is tied to a chair, he wakes up and his first words are "Oh. Oh no.  Alana and her baby..?"  Marko says they're OK no thanks to him, he nearly got them all killed.

Prince Robot VI: "So why the bloody fuck haven't you cut off my head yet?"

Marko draws his sword saying, "good question" and moves to strike.  Then Petrichor appears saying he'll be cleaner to execute once they are out in the vacuum and she brings fuel!  Turns out The March left his vehicle outside their camp and she was able to drive back to the Robot Kingdom embassy and find some there, and Izabel is to thank for that.

Fuel! Time to go finally.

They are getting ready to go and hopefully will escape the Timesuck.  Alana and Hazel are rounding up the tribe who they have offered a ride to.   Hazel is drawing a thankyou card to give to her dad for killing The March, Alana isn't sure Marko would want one.  Then Jabarah comes up and returns Marko's blade saying they won't be coming.

Alana freaks out saying they'll all die.  But Jabarah has faith they'll escape.  Alana says even if they do there is nothing but ruins for them.  Jabarah says the Creator will provide for them.  Alana points the rifle at them ordering Jabarah to call her people now.  Jabarah bids her farewell saying that she hopes their new baby will be "as perfectly joyous as your first" and if they are looking for a name, "might I suggest Kurti?" In their tongue it means "sunshine" and she leaves.  Hazel says she didn't even get to say goodbye, Future Hazel reflects:

Hazel: "The more you care about someone, the more likely it is that your eventual parting of ways will be as sudden as it is baffling".

Meanwhile Billy is having hallucination sex with his dead old girlfriend The Stalk while his dead older sister The Brand watches.  His sister sighs and says there has got to be a more efficient way to masturbate than gnawing on tainted meat and fantasizing about old girlfriends.  Then suddenly Sweet Boy is shot in the head.  A masked figure appears and tells Billy he killed someone they loved, and they shoot Billy in the gut saying "... so this is gonna be a kind of process."

Then we cut to some Robots watching Phang and they say that it's going to pass through the Timesuck unscathed.  Then they are attacked by some Landfallians disguised as terrorist group The Last Revolution.  They take the controls of the observatory and insert the glowing cube Gwendolyn had passed onto Gale, saying "this is for all the guys Phang took from us."  And a white light spirals out of the observatory and into the mouth of the Timesuck.

I don't think my heart can take much more..

On Phang they all rush to the ship but it's knocked about and Alana takes a huge hit and the fuel cube falls out.  Now it's hot but Petrichor manages to pick it up and put it back and the ship blasts off.  Marko holds his ears to Alana's stomach and when she asks if he can hear the baby's heartbeat, he says nothing and starts to cry.  Future Hazel closes out this volume over the images of her parents weeping and Kurti dying on Phang with the following words:

Hazel: "You know that old cliche about millions of deaths being a statistic.. while the loss of one life is a tragedy?  If that's true, what is it when you lose something that never even had the chance to be born?"

There are five lights Brian! Five lights!!!

Jesus.  BKV you sadist.  Everytime I read a new volume I am filled with trepidation because I know I am going to get punched hard in the feels.  And this was the worst/best yet.  Giving us an adorable tribe of critters who WOULD have survived as their faith said they would if not for the rampant politicking that saw Phang designated a sacrifice.  And to have Gwendolyn, Sophie and Lying Cat be party to it is just horrible.  And while I guessed Alana might lose the baby, it still was rough when it happened.  They all seemed so happy before, living in a little community for five months until Izabel's death and the arrival of The March kicked things into high gear.  And losing her was a shock, she'd been in the story since day one.  While I am glad The March got killed, I just want to know what'll happen to his piggy Bootstraps.  I hope it snuck on the ship when no one was looking.  It's amazing how multi-layered the characters are, for example Prince Robot VI when he comes round his first thoughts are of Alana and the baby, not himself.  Who could have predicted that several volumes ago?  And The Will, now Billy is sympathetically portrayed on a huge downward spiral, Lying Cat's rejection of him, while a lovely moment for Sophie, manages to be a tragic one for him.  No one wants him and he's left poisoning himself to conjure visions to keep him company while he tries to wank.  BKV's writing is so impressive and it's married to art by Fiona Staples that just gets better and better.  There doesn't seem to be anything she can't imbue with depth and personality with her fine linework and delicate colouring.  She does ALL the art and there hasn't been a single fill-in artist since the story began.  Truly impressive.  Young Hazel is a spirited girl and it's cool seeing the beginnings of the snarky philosopher that Future Hazel will become in her.  Seeing her finally get to act like a kid, playing with Kurti and just hanging with someone her own age was lovely and of course makes the final images of his death all the more upsetting, I genuinely had tears in my eyes by then.  As per usual it'll feel like another long wait until Book Eight comes out now.

Saga Book 6 (#31-36) NSFW

NSFW WARNING:  Penises! Boobies!  Vulvas! Pubes! Hot homo humpin'!

"I've found that cultures often clash for the same reasons that people do.  It's not because we're so different from each other... but because we're all so godammned alike" - Hazel

Saga is getting so epic and full of characters it's now pretty impossible to sum up in one introduction.  So you'll have to read some of the previous entries, go on, shoo.  But I'll give you the premise and bare bones so far.  This is the story of a family trying to make its way in a hostile universe.  The reason the universe is so hostile to them is because the parents are from either side of an intergalatic war.  Alana is from Landfall and sports a pair of wings, her husband Marko is from Wreath, Landfall's moon, and has horns.  When Marko was taken prisoner, Alana fell in love with him, they fled and she got pregnant and the story began with the birth of their daughter Hazel who immediately became a target of each side who didn't want the union of two of the warring sides made public.  Hazel narrates the story from some unspecified time in the future, right now she's just turned four.  Wreath and Landfall have been at war for a long time and this war has dragged many, many planets into the fighting. The most notable being Landfall's major allies the TV headed Robot people.  At the end of the previous volume, the two year old Hazel was kidnapped, and the ending showed her in a Landfall prison school for the captured Wreathian P.O.W's kids, now a couple of years older after a time skip.  And thus we continue the story as we find out what happened next as Marko and Alana keep looking for their missing daughter and what is happening to Hazel and the rest of the colourful cast in the meantime.  Brian K Vaughn writes, Fiona Staples draws.

We begin with the kids and their various drawings. Hazel has drawn a "giant foot man with very bad gas". Which amuses the rest of the class.  Noreen, their insect-like teacher says she wanted Hazel to draw something that made her feel sad, Hazel that does make her sad much to the continued merriment of the other kids.

Hazel and Noreen.

Their lesson over they leave, but Noreen asks Hazel to stay.  She tells Hazel if she ever wants to talk about "things" she can trust her.   Also she brought her a book called "Leave Me Be" this sends Hazel into the first tears she's shed in two years.  We flashback to when she and her grandmother were kidnapped by the terrorists who were in the process of selling Hazel to the Wreathians, Marko and Alana weren't onboard they were fighting the terrorists outside it.

The ship they jump into space with is crippled though as the power unit was taken away in the previous book.  But they jump right into the path of the Robot Kingdom ship that was hunting Prince Robot IV who was off tracking down his son.  There is an altercation on the terrorist ship, one of them (a Wreathian who becomes like an auntie figure to Hazel in jail) tells her to look away as Hazel's enraged grandmother, Klara, crushes the head of the other terrorist aboard.  Then they make up a story to tell the Robots that they were female slave labour.

This convinced the Robots who handed them over to Landfall detainee centre.  They are led to get checked up medically but a pig shaped alien doctor stops them, saying they can't be stripped just like that and treated badly since they have been "comfort women".  The Landfall guard leaves him to check them over and he turns into Izabel, the spirit girl bound to Hazel who can only come out at night. 

Izabel gets them out of a jam.

They haven't seen her in a while because the planet they were on before had no nighttime.  There is a joyful reunion and this way, Hazel's wings and dual nature won't be discovered. Lexis the terrorist appreciates Hazel getting them out of immediate trouble, but Hazel is a "timebomb".  How long can they keep her secret?

Then we're back in the present, and Noreen gives Hazel a cake to celebrate her fourth birthday. She tells Hazel if she doesn't end up part of a prisoner exchange she is welcome back into her programme as an "explorer".  This excites Hazel who rushes off to tell Klara.

Petrichor, a new character.

She runs into the showers and is greeted by an adult Wreathian with breasts and a penis and testicles.  She speaks the non-Wreathian language brokenly.  When Hazel points out her "outtie" she says "in here I be girl" and points to her head (which is why I'm using the female pronouns for her).  She says everyone here sees her as a "freak of nature".  Hazel says because the Landfallian's put her in with the women maybe they're not so bad afterall.

Next time she meets Noreen, Hazel asks what she thinks of the "Wings" (slang for folk from Landfall). Noreen says they pay on time.  Hazel says she doesn't remember much about her parents, but she knows how her dad smells and that her mum is a bad singer and gave her that book when she was younger.  She takes her top off, and undoes the bandages round her chest revealing a beautiful pair of large wings, also from her mother.  Noreen faints dead away, banging her head on the table as she falls. "Oh fart" says Hazel.

Hazel's secret.

Then we check in with Marko and Alana.  They have broken into Variegate the financial hub of the coalition's vast prison empire.

Hazel: "Despite the persistent sense of loss, united by a shared obssession my parents once again brought about the very best in each other."

They hadn't even kissed since they were reunited, they would never again perform the act that created Hazel until they had her safely back, or so they vowd.

They get further inside and make their way to the records room.  Marko uses his magic to create a key to get inside.  Alana makes him promise not to teach Hazel magic, but Marko hopes Klara has already taught her the basics.  They root through the paper records until Alana finds a sheet that tells of a wrecked ship of the type they are looking for and three females found aboard.  Including a senior citizen and her grandaughter.

Marko and Alana find out Hazel is alive.

The sheet says after processing they were taken to a detention centre on Landfall.  Marko thinks that's not right, they wouldn't allow his people on their soil.  But Alana said she had heard of the camps, hidden amongst the population to deter Wreath from all out attack. Then three security guards which seem to be made of fire appear.

They try to arrest Alana and Marko but Alana tells them they have fired a missile at the planet and look out of the window.   This panics the security guards as Alana says she is "destroying the red tape that holds this unjust world together!"  But actually it's their wooden rocket home coming down for them.  As the security guards scarper, Alana breaks the window and jumps out using her wings to hover.

She can't hold Marko for long because unlike Hazel, her wings have been clipped as is tradition for female Landfallians, but he jumps out and grabs her and the two of them land together in the rocketship.  They tumble in each other's arms, then kiss passionately.  Then have a bout of sex because really this was wonderful news. As Hazel tells us, "until they found that scroll, my parents had each been secretly convinced I was long dead."

Vows are made to be broken.

They now realise they are going to need more help, and we cut to ex-Prince Robot IV teaching his son "Squire" how to hunt.  Ghüs, a little mole like alien riding Hazel's pet Friendo, comes to tell him Alana and Marko are coming.  Robot IV wants to run the hell away from them saying "their pathetic aside in my life came to its natural conclusion long ago".  Squire appears holding a dead bird and asks what they should wish for.

We then check in with Upsher and Doff, the homosexual couple who are a newsteam.  Upsher the writer, Doff the photographer.  Upsher is elated because he's received news that The Brand (who belonged to an organisation of all-purpose enforcers) died sometime ago.  And this means they can revisit the story she warned them away from which was the existence of Hazel.

They start travelling to check out leads, the first one is that Alana worked on "the Circuit" which is a theatrical broadcasting entertainment system.  Doff says the Circuit people won't talk, but Upsher says he has a "secret weapon" in the form of Ginny. She left a classified ad that said:

Advert: "To my brave warrior from Wreath, this is your favourite dance instructor from Gardinia, hoping for good news about your beautiful daughter?  You have my number.  Please call..."

So it looks like Private First Class Alana and her lover spent some time on this planet.  Doff seems unsure about carrying on with this story.  Maybe they are just two people who like to screw and others think they are gross and immoral.

Upsher and Doff are back on the story.

Upsher realises he's talking about the homophobia on their own planet.  But he says their relationship wouldn't send shockwaves through the rest of the universe.  Upsher says their subjects made their bed, "it's our job to go through the dirty sheets."  And Doff gives in.

They arrive at Ginny's house, who now has a husband.  She talks to them privately about Marko who came to collect her grandfather's sword and shield.  She wants an alias because they were good friends but she doesn't want her husband getting the wrong idea.  She tells them she saw a Robot with a colour screen in the vicinity of the Circuit and Upsher asks if she thinks a member of the Robot royal family abducted a child?

Upsher asks when was the last time he heard from Marko.  He phoned a year ago from a planet called Outcome.  He said he was on Hazel's trail and hopefully would be able to return her grandfather's gear soon.   The two journalists leave to travel to Outcome and their new lead.

Sexy pillow talk (!)

Later they are having sex in a motel and discussing what they know. They decide to fly out to Outcome because beyond it is cold ice so Doff can use the heat signature detection on his camera to look for a trail.  Upsher says Doff is "horny for the story" now.  Doff says:

Doff: "It's not just the story Up. There's a little kid out there who might need us."

Upsher frowns and asks if his biological clock is ticking?  Doff says no, but if there are going to be words about her, he wants them from someone like Upsher who cares.

Later they are flying in the ice belt as Doff scans it with his camera.  He picks up footprints on a nearby planet and they land to go check it out.  They find the crashed skull ship, and flowers called "violents" which only grow where there is bloodshed.  They follow the tracks and are suddenly faced with bounty hunter-cum-enforcer, The Will.  He was brother of The Brand and has her companion, the dog Sweet Boy now.  He elongates his sword and spears Doff through the shoulder.

The Will and Sweet Boy.

Sweet Boy jumps on Upsher. The Will says he knows his sister gave them a second chance.  Doff says "you mercenary assholes got no right to intefere with legit reporting".  The Will says he doesn't give a damn about their muck raking, then he pauses and talks to thin air. Then he demands to know where Prince Robot IV is, which they have no idea about.  So he decides to keep them around, "you fuckers work for me now."

Back with Hazel, she is still standing, wings out over the unconcious body of Noreen when the hermaphrodite woman who is called Petrichor finds them.  She tells Hazel to quickly cover up, while Hazel explains what happened. Petrichor helps her and says her father must have been a Wing who forced himself on her Wreathian mother.  Hazel wants to correct her but had learned thus far when it's a good idea, "to shut your fucking mouth".

On the planet where Robot IV, Squire and Ghüs are, Marko and Alana have arrived. Robot IV welcomes them by aiming an arrow at them and telling them to get lost.  They ignore him and warmly greet Ghüs, Squire and Friendo.  Robot IV gives up and asks them what they want.  They tell him they want to break Hazel out of a Landfall prison.

Robt IV, Squire, Ghus and Friendo

He says he can't help because he has no standing in the coalition since being disowned by his father. Ghüs and Squire guilt trip him into considering agreeing though and when Marko and Alana subtly threaten to tell the Robot King where he is, he has no choice left but to assisst them.

On Landfall, with the help of Izabel's ability to disguise herself, Hazel has got inside the infirmary where Noreen is.  Noreen is concious and amazed that Hazel is also soul-bound to an astral shifter.  "Child how?  How the hell did you come to be?" she asks. So Hazel tells her graphically that her parents had sex and she was the result and Klara really is her grandmother.  She'd be mad if she knew Hazel had told Noreen about her wings.

Noreen asks why did she tell her? Hazel says it's because she doesn't talk to her like she's a baby.  Noreen tells her in essence she's what she's been employed here to do, educate a Wreathian child who doesn't hate Landfall.  But if the Landfallians found out she existed... but she won't tell anyone she promises Hazel.

Hazel then brings her a book by D.Ozwald Heist, the one that her parents bonded over.  Klara loves it as well.  She says it has a few too many grown-up parts for her.  Noreen thanks her for her kindness.  Hazel asks if she thinks he's the best writer ever.  Noreen says writers shouldn't be ranked like racehorses:

Noreen: "And no offence to the rest of your family... but anyone who thinks one book has all the answers, hasn't read enough books."

Hazel reminisces that of all the things her teacher taught her, "that's the one that stuck."

The Will hallucinates The Stalk.

We rejoin The Will, he is talking to an imaginary companion, his dead lover The Stalk.  The two journoes walk fearfully in front of him realising he isn't quite sane.  He's chewing a drug called "Heroine" that lets you see your first love.  A drug with a vicious comedown.

Suddenly a huge snake bursts through the ice and attacks The Will.  Upsher and Doff pray it kills him, but he grabs it's open mouth and breaks its jaw.  Upsher then decides to rebel saying he'd "rather die a member of the free press than live another minute as this fat fuck's employee".  But before The Will can kill him, Doff blurts out that he knows a way to find out where ex-Prince Robot IV lives.  So The Will keeps them alive for now.

In the Landfall jail, Klara and Auntie Lexie are reading stories to the other inmates and they are all having a laugh.  Petrichor thinks Klara is "friend up us with all the no-horns" and this could be bad news. Then Noreen appears and calls Hazel away saying she is very worried about her, Hazel says she will keep her secret won't she?  Noreen says "actually, I'm going to help you escape."

Imprisoned on The Will's ship, Doff calls his source regarding Robot IV.  The man says he was paid a boatlaod not to reveal it to "nosey pricks like you". Doff says he can double the money, but Zlotev says he's Ok for cash, what he wants is dirt and he has a way of knowing if he's being told the truth because he has Lying Cat, The Will's old animal companion.

Lying Cat, yaaay!

Doff reluctantly outs a councilman who goes to underground gay clubs and Zlotev is pleased to find out that person is a "poof". It checks out, so he tells Doff that an acquaintance of his once trailed the Prince to a pocket world on the underside of the Serpentine Belt.  The imaginary Stalk tells The Will to go kill the man who offed her. As for the journos he decides to keep them breathing while they check the lead out.

Robot IV is sitting in the wooden rocketship and being filled in on the plan to get access to Landfall.   The planet is protected by a field that prevents Wreathian magic working through it.  But the field inteferes with the Robots so when they arrive it has to be briefly dropped.  Marko will then use a teleport sword and helmet to create a tear they can bring Hazel and Klara back through. 

Prince Robot IV will pose as a lesser member of the aristocracy to ask for the field to be dropped.   Robot IV is disusted by the inference that all Robots look alike to the rest of the coalition, nevertheless he goes along with it.

In the prison, Noreen is making plans to get Hazel out by carrying her out in a box.  Then Lexie, Klara and Petrichor appear and demand to know what is going on.  Hazel says Noreen knows the "true stuff" about her and she told her because she's a good person. Petrichor says it's unsafe for Hazel in the prison, especially with the unrest fomenting Klara is up to with the stories.

Klara says Petrichor might have been designated a woman, but she still "lectures like a man".  Klara asks where Noreen would take her, Noreen says somewhere she could be cared for safely.   Klara wants to know why she wants to help, she isn't Hazel's blood. "I .. I don't know exactly" says Noreen but it has to be now.

Robot IV gets them access to Landfall.

On the wooden rocket, Robot IV calls in a request to lower the field to a bored Landfallian who barely looks at him before complying with his request. Robot IV is pissed about being considered an example of the lower aristocracy.  Then the rocket ship runs into a mine field.

The mines are living organisms and Robot IV starts fighting them off as Marko gets ready to make the jump.  He cuts the tear, he and Alana kiss and then he goes through.  Robot IV grudgingly says he knows what they are going through, "and I wish your family success".

On the planet where Ghüs has been left looking after Squire, The Will suddenly appears and demands to know where Robot IV is.  "You're not a friend" says Squire. The Will picks up Squire and tells him his father is a killer and The Stalk hallucination eggs him on to kill Squire.  But then help appears:

Ghüs: "Hurt the boy... and Ghüs will chop you deep."

Marko arrives in the prison and Petrichor holds out a shiv and says, "where did you come from?"  She sniffs him and realises he's Hazel's blood.  She then wants to know how he fits in with Noreen's plan, which totally confuses him. Noreen has Hazel in a box and is cheerfully on her way out of the prison.  Unfortunately she doesn't fool the guard who pulls a gun on her. 

Go, go Ghus!

Back with Upsher and Doff, they manage to untie themselves although Upsher says they can't get out of the ship (although they do in fact get out).  Outside The Will grumbles at Ghüs to mind his own business. Sweet Boy fires traquilizer darts at Friendo who collapses.   This enrages Ghüs who charges The Will and chops the fingers off his right hand.  The Will punches him unconcious with his other hand shouting, "you little shit!"

In the prison Noreen is refusing to allow the box to be searched.  Then Lexie and Klara create a diversion by fighting which distracts the guard.  Then Noreen knocks the guard out and looks horrified at what she has done.  Then Petrichor and Marko arrive on the scene.

Marko kneels and holds out Hazel's doll he's been keeping safe all these years. He says it must be confusing for her, and that he's her "daddy" she says.  And they hug as she repeats "Daddy" over and over.

Reunited.

The Will is still deciding what to do with Squire and Ghüs.  The imaginary Stalk wants him to kill them.  But then he hallucinates his sister The Brand.

The Brand: "Murdering defenceless preschoolers.  You've come a long way, baby brother".

She says The Stalk was a dumb obssession when what he really loved was her. The Will denies this, but The Brand says she's his "own brain you fucking dummy!"

Sadly, The Will confesses he misses her, he misses everyone.  The Brand says offing a kid won't help matters, he needs to find the one person who will call him on his bullshit.  Doff and Upsher have managed to escape The Will's ship.  They watch him return to it, when he leaves they'll be stranded. But as Doff says "we're alive" and they kiss.

In the prison, Marko opens the return portal.  Hazel jumps through saying thankyou to Noreen for everything as she disappears.  Klara however isn't going to go with him.  She doesn't want to be a burden to him and Alana and also she has a community with the other prisoners and a sense of purpose. She tells him how proud she is of him and then tells him to "go take care of your family".

However Petrichor decides to take advantage of the escape route and jumps through herself. On board the wooden rocket, the mines have been taken care of.  Then Hazel appears.  But before an emotional reunion with mum can take place, Petrichor arrives as well and attacks Alana.  Marko comes through and defuses the situation by telling Petrichor that Robot IV is on their side.

Petrichor then drops a bombshell, she says she'd never fell a female who was expecting.  "I can smell it from here.  You're pregnant" she says to Alana.  Marko looks stunned, Alana looks overjoyed and that brings this volume to an end.

End of Book Six!

Damn these cliffhangers, between this and Lazarus my tenters are well and truly hooked.  And I am fully caught up with the trades now so all I can do is drum my fingers and wait a few more months to find out what happens next.  I'm so happy Marko and Alana have Hazel back, it made my heart hurt when they lost her even if adversity has reforged a relationship that was on the verge of breaking apart.  Nice to see the gay couple of Upsher and Doff back as well as the introduction of Petrichor who could have some interesting interactions with the rest of the cast.  Brian K Vaughn is very keen on representing all sexualities and sexual identities and it's very much appreciated even if it's aliens we're talking about and not humans. Some questions have been thrown up, like what has happened to Gwendolyn and Sophie and why Lying Cat is working for someone else now.  I'm sure we'll find out more in books to come.  Klara remains a cool old lady, volunteering to stay in the prison and take care of the others there and is a prime example of how although the scope of the story is huge, it boils down people doing what they do because they do care about others and in turn that makes the reader care as well.  Despite going to some very dark places, there is always light and hope just around the corner and it's notable that so far we haven't met any outright villains, everyone is shown to have their postive and negative traits and the book takes no sides in the Wreath/Landfall war.  Of course there is still the loose cannon that is The Will bouncing about now, crazy from drugs and hallucinating all the time and I haven't forgotten Future!Hazel's warnings about him in the previous book.  And finally Alana being pregnant again is a huge development and I am sure is going to be fodder for some serious drama further down the line.  Fiona Staple's art remains a delight, as I have said before she almost has a western "manga" style, with most of the art concentrating on the characters not the surroundings (although she does show us some bitchin' spaceships so it's not as if she can't do non-character stuff).  Which probably explains why she can pencil and ink the series and keep to a regular schedule with no fill-in artists so far.  Saga is still an immensely enjoyable tale, both epic and intimate and long may it run.

Saga Book 5 (#25-30) NSFW

NSFW: Pregnant sex!

"Cheer up beard of sorrow" - Yuma

Summarising Saga is getting to be a big task as there are so many plot threads and characters in play it defies easy condensing.  But I will try.  The heart of the story is that a planet called Landfall and it's moon Wreath are at war and have been for a very long time.  Wreathian soldier Marko, a horned male gave himself up on becoming a pacifist and was overseen as a P.O.W by female Landfall soldier Alana who has wings.  They fell in love and ran away, having a daughter Hazel at the start of book one.  Both governments want to get a hold of them, Landfall sent Prince Robot IV to chase them down, Wreath hired a bounty hunter called The Will.  While Prince Robot IV was away his wife gave birth to a boy and she was murdered by a lower class Robot janitor called Dengo who took off with the Princeling to serve his revolutionary agenda.  The Will meanwhile is in a coma after being stabbed by the hallucinating girl he saved from a sex slave ring and called Sophie.  She, his pet Lying Cat and Marko's ex-fiance Gwendolyn are seeking a cure for him and have been joined in their quest by The Will's sister The Brand.  There was a two year time skip at some point and Hazel is now a toddler. After hiding out on a planet called Gardenia where Alana got an acting job to keep them, Marko lost his temper with her over her use of drugs. He lashed out at her and although immediately contrite she sent him away.  He returned to the rocketship where they live later only to see it hijacked by Dengo and fly off without him.  Now he and Prince Robot IV have discovered they can use a little alien shepard called Ghus's ability to connect with his herd to track the ship which has one of his animals aboard as Hazel's pet. The future Hazel provides retrospective narration and opinion. Brian K. vaughan provides the words and Fiona Staples gives us the pictures.  Let's continue.

War.  What IS it good for?

Hazel tells us that for centuries the goverments on Landfall had relied on a draft to fight the war with.   Playing up Wreathian atrocities to increase application to gain revenge even as the mounting figures dampened enthusiasm to fight.  The draft was eventually replaced with an all volunteer force those who came to the call came out of many reasons; geuine patriotism, looking for adventure, escaping a bad situation, the only thing in common was they were as "poor as shit".

The war shifted to new fronts, to augment their dwindling forces both sides pretty much press-ganged the local where they were fighting into joining their respective armies.

Hazel: "Before long, almost everyone in the universe had skin in the game."

However the further the fighting was from Landfall and Wreath, the more an uneasy peace developed on those planets.  Civilians could enjoy pursuits other than the more pressing life or death, everyone sitll supported the troops but in an "abstract way".  For the majority back on Landfall the war was something that would never impact their lives.

Hazel: "Lucky them".

We then return to young Hazel being led through the snow by Dengo, who still has the Princeling slung round his front.  We're given a quick introduction to Dengo, the Robot seeking revenge over both sides waging the war, because his people had been dragged into it and they care more about the war than their people. 

Dengo with the Princeling and Hazel.

His son dying of a treatable disease had motivated him to kill the Princess and take the Princeling.  Taking Hazel hostage and escaping in her families wooden rocket hadn't been part of his plan but he grabbed the oportunity Hazel's existence provided with both hands.

Inside the rocket, Alana, still in withdrawal from the drugs she got addicted to in the last book, and Klara her step-mother are surviving being locked up in one of the rockets rooms by milking the giant pet of Hazel, the one Ghüs can detect. 

Alana and Klara.

They've been held like this for three months, and due to the place having three suns that never seem to all setat once, the ghostly Izabel hasn't been able to appear. Klara says they need to fight back and breaks off some wood saying Alana needs to stab Dengo in the neck which is their weak point.

Meanwhile, The Brand, Sophie and Gwendolyn are looking for dragon semen on the planet Demimonde.  They find a dragon and it rears up in front of them.  The Brand says she'll draw it's attention while they aim for it's boy parts. "I don't think they are boy parts" says Sophie and the dragon covers them in a flood of unrine to attract others.  Who quickly appear.

Dragon jizz needed not dragon pee!

Finally we check in on Marko and King Robot IV, with Ghüs and Yuma.  Robot IV and Marko are at each other's throats the whole time.  Yuma tries to break up the fight they are having, but Marko says if it wasn't for Yuma selling his family out they wouldn't be in this mess.  He leaves the bridge saying, "you all disgust me".  Ghüs looks upset, "what did I do?"  Marko goes to his quarters, picks up Hazel's doll and starts weeping.

Hazel: "...it had been months since dad and I had last seen each other.... and it would be years before the two of us would see each other again."

Marko.

Years?! YEARS!!!!?!  BKV you're killing me. Back with Alana, Dengo tells her he's enacted his plan B.  Alana says no, you've not bought The Rebellion here?  Dengo says "'Rebellion' is for teenage girls.  I called The Revolution"

On a supply stop Marko comes across a fellow Wreathian robbing the shop. He attacks him and starts beating the guy senseless until Ghüs comes in and asks what he is doing. Marko stops hitting him but Robot IV and Yuma say they should kill him now he's seen Marko.  Marko says he said "no killing".  Robot IV says he still thinks that's "fucking asinine" but whatever.  Yuma steals some drugs off the mans body and says she'll erase the surveillance footage.

The Revolution (will not be televised).

Back with Alana who is hysterical at the thought of The Revolution getting ahold of Hazel.  She says they are terrorists, but Dengo says they pratice asymmetrical warfare because their opponents, Landfall and Wreath are so powerful.

Alana says Dengo cannot trust them. She says she emphathises with him over the loss of his son, and that because he has been good to Hazel she knows he's a decent man.  He says he appreciates her concern, "but the die has already been cast".

The Brand, Gwendolyne and Sophie are having a hard time against the dragons.  But Sophie has an idea, she thinks the size of their brains proves they are intelligent and Gwendolyn should readjust her translation necklace to talk to them.  Gwendolyn does and Sophie yells "Everyone be friendly!"

The dragons stop attacking. Sophie apologises to them and tells them what they are looking for.  The lady dragons say all the bull dragons bar one have beenn hunted to exctinction.  One is left on "Hill Dontgo", the dragons start to leave but as they do so the leader says of the final bull, "...he is very, very unkind."  On a hill, a man with the body of a spider is watching them through a sniper-scope.

Just Say No, Marko!

On the ship with Marko and the others, he is in his quarters brooding when Yuma comes to see him.  She assures him they'll get his family back. He says he wants them safe but doesn't expect him to take him back because he is "sick".  Because of the violence in him that he tries so very hard to repress but ended up with him lashing out at the woman he loves.

Yuma is somewhat high and not really able to give advice.  He wants to know why a Wreathian veteran would be carrying the drug "Fadeaway" she stole.  She says most veterans use it.  Marko asks if she pushed it on Alana, but Yuma says "she leapt with open arms".

Marko: "Why? What is it she wanted to feel so badly?"

Yuma: "Peace".

The Revolution have arrived at the wooden rocketship.  The leader is a snake bodied man called Quain.  When Alana and Klara try to prevent him taking Hazel he is able to put them to sleep with one command. 

"I've made a huge mistake" thinks Dengo.  Probably.

When Quain realises Dengo is the man who assassinated Princess Robot IV and kidnapped the Princeling he gives him a huge hug and says "brother you and I are going to do wonderful things".

Hazel: "This was the moment Dengo began to accept my mom had been right.  How could he have forgotten everything he learned as a father."

We than join Prince Robot IV who is having a sex dream involving his dead wife. He wakes up and restlessly looks for Marko only to come across him lying on the floor foaming at the mouth, "bugger fucking all" he sighs.

Marko and Alana do have Lots of sex don't they?

We then get a flashback to Alana and Marko having sex while she was pregnant.  She asks him to "come on, pull my hair.  Spank that fat ass". He stutters that he can't, "I'm not going to strike the mother of my child."  She says she just wants to feel sexy again.   She says she just wants a little rough trade, so what's the matter?

Marko confesses that he hit a girl once, "it was the worst day of my life."  He was seven years old.  His next door neighbours young girl had been practicing her fire spells on his family's dog.  Seeing someone hurt something so defenceless made something "snap" inside him.  Alana says it's not like he murdered her, but Marko says he may as well have done.  The very worst part was seeing his father's disappointment.

Then Alana turns into a mop headed creature saying "then why did you attack me?"  She say no one is buying his "tortured pacifist routine" and she turns into Hazel's doll as a demon bursts out from inside her. It says "you drove your family away. And they're never coming back!"  The flashback is in fact the tortured dreams the drugged Marko is having.

Prince Robot IV and Ghus find the overdosing Yuma and Marko.

Yuma is in a bad way as well, she manages to say she got a bad batch of Fadeaway and if they aren't rescued from it they'll trapped in their own minds forever. They try calling Poison Control but the line is busy. Ghüs says The Robot Kingdom has the best doctors, they should call them.  Robot IV says he can't because he is on the run, Marko will have to die. But Ghüs says they'll never take on Dengo without Marko's help so reluctantly Robot IV agrees to call.

Marko is trapped in a spiral of memories.  He is a soldier fighting a battle, but a major attack he launches hits a civilian car, killing the father and leaving the son alive next to his dead body.  His memories flash all over the place, fighting, being a kid, being with Alana.  Meanwhile Robot IV calls his private physician and manages to get some confidential advice on what to do.  They need to make them purge and Robot blood is mildly toxic to other species so they can use that.

Marko is now reliving the memory after he hit the girl as a child.  Silently his father Barr pulls off Marko's top then unbuckles his belt and begins beating Marko with it.  With each hit he remembers the war, Alana and finally Hazel.  Then he wakes up. Yuma apologises for his first hit being that way.  "It was perfect" says Marko.  He wouldn't do it again but now he finally gets Alana.

Marko: "And I think I finally understand myself again.  And I know what I have to do now... I'm going to find the man who ripped my family away from me.  And I'm going to cut his fucking head off."

We then join The Brand and Sophie having a fireside chat while Gwendolyn sleeps.  "So yeah. That's what abortion is" says The Brand as we come into a conversation halfway through.  Sophie says it's cool knowing things like that, people don't want to tell her things because she's a kid.  The Brand says people usually ask what it feels like to kill.  "How does it feel?" asks Sophie.

The Brand and Sophie chat.

The Brand says really she hasn't killed that many people.  She is more about intimidation, negociation "and the occasional broken nose."  When she did kill it was "not great".  Sophie says The Will didn't seem to mind killing much.  The Brand says he always was "pretty direct". 

She tells Sophie that when they cure The Will he'll go right back to what he was doing before, "are you sure you're OK with that?" Sophie says that maybe the universe is better off not having certain people in it, and the spider-bodied man comes walking up aiming all his guns at The Brand.  "Halvor" says The Brand.

Back with Alana and co. she, Klara and Hazel are carried, still unconcious, to The Revolution's spaceship.  Alana begs Dengo when they are alone.  He says The Revolution are his allies, Alana says "you stopped believing that the second they opened their mouths".

Alana talks some sense into Dengo.

He mumbles that what can one man do to stop them?  Alana says the snakeman's charm powers don't work on Robots, if he takes him, she and Klara can handle the others.  She swears that they are the only way they'll get him and the Princeling out of this situation alive.

On Marko and Robot IV's ship, Yuma is crying.  When Ghüs comes to give her the news they are in the same system as he felt Hazel's pet "Friendo" in, she says to him "I'm a strung out, backstabbing, useless old cunt."  Ghüs says she makes the ship smell nice with her flowers, she says he's sweet and wouldn't understand.  Ghüs frowns and says "Ghüs has been a lot of things in his day.... but sweet is not one of those things."

The Robot King wants his wayard son back home.

He says she's been doing her best to fix her mistakes, she says she's just made Marko more unstable.  Then the ship goes to red alert.  A ship has appeared from the Robot Kingdom to take Prince Robot IV back, the doctor did rat him out.  The Robots aboard say if he fails to comply, "you will be stripped of all titles... and then sentenced to death for treason against your kingdom".  Robot IV thinks they are bluffing, until they fire on them. "Battle stations" yells Marko.

Back with The Brand, Halvor stands down when Gwendolyn holds him up from behind.  Then he explains he is here on behalf of his dead sister, The Stalk, who was The Will's lover for a while.  He wants Prince Robot IV dead for killing her, they tell him The Will is in a coma and can't do anything right now. 

Halvor hands them a giant eardrum from the skull of the beast that formed part of The Stalk's ship that Prince Robot IV took.  He tells them they need to be round the other side of the moutain to find the male dragon.  He leaves saying revenge is a luxury only those without children to support can indulge in.

We join Alana and her family in a bad situation.  The Revolution have agreed to hand Hazel over the the Wreathians.  Desperately Alana breaks free of her captor and grabs a sword, but Quain says "Be Still" and she freeze in place and as Hazel is taken away she can only move enough for a tear to trickle down her cheek.

Yuma sacrifices herself.

Onboard Marko and Robot IV's ship things also look bad.  There's a warning light that something is wrong in the engine room so Robot IV orders them to go and check it out.  There is a fuel leak, but unfortunately whoever goes in to patch it up won't survive. Ghüs readies himself to go, but Yuma conks him on the head with a fire extinguisher.  She goes into the furnace and as the flames start to cook her, fixes the fuel leak.

Hazel: "So here's to another victim of this Goddamn war, a woman who at least managed to die exactly as she lived.  High as fuck."

The Revolution show the Wreathian high command Hazel and confirm that in return for her a few hundred of their imprisoned bretheren.  The Wreathian high command also order Alana be killed and Klara too, much to her anger and she spits something out in Wreathian.

The Revolution negociate Hazel's fate.

Because she is being held by Dengo, the Wreathian commander notices him for the first time and says "is that  fucking android?!"  Quain speaks up for Dengo, but the commander says they'll never in a million years negociate with those "death machines".  Quain says he is negociating with The Revolution not Dengo.  But the commander says this could scuttle the arrangement.  Coldly Quain says "I'm afraid Mr. Dengo's service will no longer he needed".
Sophie, The Brand and Gwendolyn finally find the cave the male dragon is in.  And boy is he male.  A whole double page spread of maleness and huges gobs of semen everywhere.  They have a brief argument about who is going down there to collect the jizz, The Brand says it's her job, but Sophie looks thoughtful.

Then we're back with Robot IV and Marko trying to evade the Robot Kingdom ship.   Yuma's sacrifice brings the engine back online and after an argument about whether to fight or run, they run, having just enough fuel left for a "hopscotch" and they disappear from view leaving the Robots observing that he isn't a prince anymore. 

Marko, Robot IV and Ghus make planetfall.

When they come out the otherside, Robot IV says he just pointed the ship where Ghüs said it was and jumped there. Ghüs comes up and tells them of Yuma's sacrifice.  Before they can fully process it they hit something and the bridge controls explode.  Leaving them plummeting to the closest planet.

On that planet Alana is begging for once last chance to say goodbye to Hazel before they kill her.  On the bridge one of The Revolution is about to kill Dengo with a zap from her sword when Alana pushes him clear of it. Dengo then blows Quain's head apart as he is immune to his hypnosis.  He tells Hazel and Klara to go back to the treehouse where they'll be safe.

The Brand gets ready to collect some dragon spooge, but before she can, Sophie gets down there and scoops some up.  Then the dragon awakes and The Brand rushes down pushing Sophie out of harms way but getting bitten in half for her trouble.  Gwendolyn fires off a powerful magic spell which sends the male shuffling off further into the cave.  Sophie can only look at the bisected The Brand and say "I'm sorry."

And farwell to The Brand too.

Marko, Robot IV and Ghüs pick themselves up out of the wreckage.  Meanwhile, distracted by the sounds of fighting elsewhere on the ship, the two members of The Revolution who were going to kill Alana get distracted and turn their backs on her.  She pulls a grenade out of a bandolier worn by one of them and says she will drop it, because she doesn't care about living if it's not with her child.

They let her go and she locks them in behind her. She bumps into Dengo who says she was right about everything.  He hands her his gun and says he is off to get something important from the engine room.  Klara has Quain's magic staff and is making her way out of the ship with Hazel when they are confronted by more of The Revolution.

Alana is outside now and Dengo comes out with the fuel cell of The Revolution's ship.  Alana is carrying the Princeling now. They kill another member of The Revolution who was outside and Alana realises to her horror this means Klara and Hazel are still on the ship.  They are hostages again and The Revolution's ship suddenly takes off via hopscotch with them still aboard.

And just like that, Hazel is gone.

Dengo says they won't get far without the fuel he took.  Angrily Alana turns on him and points the gun at him and when he asks what she is doing she says:

Alana: "What I've been trying to do ever since you barged into my life.  You gullible retard!"

Dengo says his son was special needs so don't use that word, "fuck your dead kid!" says Alana knocking him to his knees.  Dengo says killing him won't bring Hazel back, Alana says "it's going to feel amazing".  Then she sees Marko coming up over the ridge.  She tells him Hazel is gone, and she wants to kill Dengo.  Marko says he want's to kill him too. "But that's not who we are" says Marko and they embrace.

Alana and Marko together again.

Then Robot IV appears and Dengo starts speaking to him, showing him an image of his dead son and starting to tell the story of how he died.  "Fascinating" says Robot IV drily and blows a hole through Dengo's head.  Then he takes and cradles his son gently, "my boy, my baby boy".

The Will wakes up in hospital.  The elixir worked.  Gwendolyne hands him the package from Halvor then they break the news about The Brand.  The Will has a vicious response, "you selfish little cunt!  Why couldn't you just left me to rot? Get the fuck away from me!  All of you!"  And sadly Gwendolyn, Sophie and Lying Cat depart, leaving a greiving The Will with The Brand's dog Sweet Boy.

Hazel: "Nobody knew exactly what kind of nightmare had been awakened that evening...but in time, my parents would find out."

We end this volume with an insect like teacher going into a classroom of horned kids.  Amongst the children there is Hazel, look about five or six.  "It was time I started my education".

Aaaand cue cliffhanger into Book Six.

Once again, a truly compelling story written to achieve some almost sadistic, end of book cliffhangers.  I was sorry to lose The Brand so soon after she had been introduced she was a pretty cool character.  Those ominous words about The Will's recovery is another future plotline future Hazel is teasing us with.  I don't believe anyone merits death but man, Dengo was such a selfish idiot he really bought it upon himself.  I'll be interested to see if now Robot IV has his son if he'll be accepted as a Prince again or will he be on the run from his own people avoiding charges of treason.  Marko making peace with the violence inside him and realising fear of it doesn't have to drive every decision he makes was a nice bit of character building.  Alana didn't have as much to do this volume than be a hostage, but her words managed to help Dengo see the error of his ways.  Another time-skip, this time of several years, it'll be interesting how the various characters have developed in that time.  The final page shows Hazel is in a class with Wreathian children so her mixed race heritage is going to be tested I'm sure of it. Brian K. Vaughan's writing remains a delight, the easy naturalistic speech helps everything feel more "real" as it were.  Fiona Staple's art reminds me of manga.  Not in how it looks, but how she uses economy of line to create maximum expressiveness.  Sure it means her backgrounds are barely there, but I don't read comics to look at walls now.  Tune in next month for volume six.