Harley Quinn Book 2: Power Outage (#9-13, Harley Quinn: Futures End #1, Harley Quinn Invades Comic Con International San Diego Special #1)

"Are you sure I'm a superhero and not a stripper?" - Power Girl

Time for more larks and japes with DC's Deadpool, the pansexual, fourth-wall breaking, kleptomaniac, comedic sociopath, Ms. Harley Quinn.  She started life in Batman: The Animated Series as Harleen Quinzel, the psychiatrist who treated the Joker and fell in love with him before embarking on a life of crime with him.  Now having split from him she is carving out her own quirky path in the DCU as Poison Ivy's casual girlfriend and sort-of hero in her own little corner of the DCU which doesn't seem to involve her being a member of the Suicide Squad like she is elsewhere.  Last volume she inherited a large building in New York's Coney Island which plays host to various weird businesses like a famous killers waxwork exhibit and a burlesque show and their various live-in tenants including building security manager Big Tony.  To pay the taxes on the place she faked some references and is working as a therapist again, she also was a member of a roller derby team but got thrown out for execessive violence.  She was however given a card with contact details for a more underground "Skate Club" which she'll be joining in this volume. She also teamed up with an elderly Jewish special agent called Sy Borgman who reappears in this volume. This volume continues her New 52 storyline with an interruption from the DC line-wide series "Future's End" which sees her teaming up with "Mistah J" (the Joker) again temporarily, but don't be fooled by the cover, he's only in one "what if" story set five years in the future.  This volume also has her teaming up with Power Girl and this is where the Harley Quinn and Power Girl miniseries I covered a few months back fits in too.  Finally there is a Comic Con Special and a Secret Origins chapter which I'll be skimming over.  Writing partnership Amanda Conner and Jimmy Palmiotti are on word duty with a variety of artists contributing the pictures. So without further ado, it's Harley time.

The story begins with one of Harley's tenants, Madame Macabre who runs the crime waxwork show visiting her son Mason in prison.  He caused the accidental death of the Mayor's son-in-law in a bar brawl, and so is looking at some serious prison time.  His mum says not to worry and when their visiting time is over, gives him a full on kiss with tongue, which she uses to pass over what looks like a razorblade to him.

My kind of show!

Then we join Harley getting dressed up to take part in the burlesque show which she is doing to fill in for a regular whose been called away. Big Tony gives her a quick history lesson on burlesque, it's like Commedia Del'Arte but with "more va-va-voom".  This show is based around cheesy 50's sci-fi.  She going to be the sexy alien who seduces the astronaut and kills them.

Harley: "So at the end of the show I get to kill the astronaut...? That is soooo cool".

Big Tony: "No Harley.  No one dies.  No one gets hurt.  It's all for show."

Big Tony leaves and Harley admits to Queenie who runs the show she was just teasing him and she does know the difference between reality and make believe.

The show begins and Harley takes the stage dressed as an alien.  Another woman is playing the astronaut.  They both take off their bodysuits to reveal something altogether more skimpy underneath, and times comes for them to kiss.  Harley is unsure, so the other woman whispers that she should pretend she is Harley's boyfriend.  This sends Harley off and she starts ranting about all the crap The Joker did to her.

She tosses the other woman into the crowd and a brawl starts up.  Harley apologise to Queenie them leaps into the fray with glee, although she gets knocked out and wakes up in the back of a cop car in handcuffs.  But instead of taking her to the police station, he takes her to his house.  Inside is loads of Harley Quinn memorabilia and a large guilded cage which he puts her in.

Turns out he's not a cop, he's her biggest fan and his name is Edwin.  He killed an cop and stole his uniform so he could lay hands on her.  Harley asks what's going to happen next.

Edwin: "Well I didn't think this out past getting you here and into the cage. I guess I was hoping I could treat you well enough so you'd fall in love with me and we could live happily ever after."

He gives her some more modest clothing as they chat.  He says he works part-time at a comic store and when the others there dissed Harley he locked them up in a cage in the cellar.  Harley slips out of the cage after a while, saying she could have escaped back in the car but she was curious about him.   She gets him to lie on the couch and starts psycho-analysing him.

One way to deal with stalkers.

She says obsession is about possessing another person and not accepting failure or rejection.  She isn't rejecting him, but she isn't going to feed his obsession either.

Harley: "I want you to check yourself into a special clinic and see a doctor.  You do this for me for a nice lengthy period of time and I will give dating you a shot.  You have my word."

So he ends up being cheerfully carted off in a straitjacket.  She then decides she has unfinished business and finds the three comicbook store works in the cellar.  She takes them to the Brooklyn Bridge and sits them on the guardrail and asks them to repeat what they said about her.   Two of them lie and say they are a big fan of her... assets.  The third rather suicidally she wasn't his type and he wouldn't date her for a million bucks and he gets kicked off the bridge for his trouble.

She then goes home and gets changed, it's time to find out about Skate Club. She drives there and meets up with Sy Borgman and enters a crowded arena where the show is about to start.  Meanwhile back at her building complex, Mason has broken out of prison and is giving Big Tony a hug, he's going to be shacking up with his girlfriend but will still work at the building.

Then we return to Skate Club.  The set-up is that a pair of roller-skaters take each other on in no-holds barred combat using weapons scattered round the arena and people place bets on who will win. After battle between two other women, it's time for Harley to battle. He opponent is a very tall woman called "Maria Monsterella, The Massapeque Murderer".  Harley's former skate team all express sorrow for Harley, "She made me laugh" says one wiping away a tear.

Harley bites off more than she can chew at Skate Club.

Sy tries to change his bet on Harley but it's too late.  The bout begins and Maria kicks Harley clean across the arena, which stuns her.  Then suddenly we find ourselves on an alien planet.  Two aliens are debating how to deal with an attacker who "has the power of the Gods behind her".  They are bad aliens who have been found out by this mystery woman as annihilators of another planet.  They release a huge monster who punches the unseen woman hard and sends her flying through space.  The huge monster then squishes the two who let it out.

Back at Skate Club, Harley is getting a pounding.  Maria is declared the winner, but Harley recovers and using Sy's explosive toothpaste, blows Maria up.  Unfortunately as victory was already declared, she still lost, but at least regained her self respect.  Sy and Harley's skate team go for a late night meal on the boardwalk, then he takes his leave of the women. They bump into Mason (newly escaped from jail) briefly and Harley seems quite taken with him.

The girls decide it's a perfect night for a midnight swim and go skinny dipping.  There is some teasing from Harley pretending to be a shark and there is much merriment.  They get dressed and leave Harley alone as she enjoys the night.  She sees a falling star, which falls on her.  And the mystery woman is revealed as.. Power Girl.  Completely unconcious and at Harley's mercy.

Power Girl makes an entrance.

But before she wakes up, there is an interlude with the Future's End issue.  If you want the details of the event it has a wikipedia article devoted to it.  The premise of this comic is that all comics not directly tied in did a story looking at what possibly might be happening to their characters five years in the future.  And for Harley that means a reunion with ex-boyfriend, The Joker.

After a plane crash, Harley wakes up washed up on the beach of a desert island.  A dog is investigating her and Harley commands it to find her beaver (no it's not rude, she has a stuffed beaver called Phil who she chats with and he chats back).  The dog races off and doesn't come back, Harley sighs and starts building a shelter.  But she does find Phil, now a stripped down skull after a tangle with a shark.  She decides to wear him round her neck so she won't lose him again.

Then suddenly she is surrounded by tribesfolk who lead her to their village and treat her like a queen.  She doesn't know why, but she doesn't let that stop her enjoying the attention.  One who does speak English says it is time to take her to the "God-King" and he leads her to... The Joker.  She flies at him and gives him a huge snog.  Then she punches him saying she thought he was dead.  He commands that the banquet in his honour takes place and he fills in Harley on what happened to him.

A warm reunion.

He makes reference to some noodle incident that he decided to lay low after, he found out about the island and took it over. He says he got them doing "crazy stuff" for a while but even he began to feel "ashamed" and stopped it.  Nah, not really, and turns out the tribe enjoy a good knife fight as much as he does, although the lack of caped crusaders is starting to make him feel bored.

He would get the tribesmen to dress up as various heroes and battle him, but as he says, "it's like moving out of New York and then ordering bagels.  Eventually you crave the real thing".  They are interrupted by the tribe headman saking if they are enjoying their "final meal?"  This takes Harley aback, but The Joker says it's because they are going to get married tonight at sundown.  Harley seems pretty into the idea.

After putting on her somewhat skimpy wedding atire she is taken out to the temple on a litter.  Phil isn't keen on what's happening, he says the Joker keeps treating her like crap and she keeps taking it.  Harley says, "this time it's gonna be different, I can feel it".  She says it'll be a marriage of equals and they'll enrich each others lives.  When Phil says that makes him want to puke, she tosses him to the crocodiles.

The ceremony takes place, but there was just one teeny little detail she and the Joker weren't told.  They are to be sacrificed in the volcano immediately afterwards. The Joker gets angry saying he thought it would just be Harley making the jump.  He says she deserves it for her hanging around with superheroes and that he "hates do-gooders".  She punches him and from an alligator stomach, Phil says "I told ya so."

The happy couple.

They both punch the headsman into the volcano and it starts to erupt.  They share a kiss then get blasted back out.  Harley winds up back on the beach and so does a dead crocodile who just happens to have Phil nesting in its exploded torse.  Harley sighs and picks him up and asks if her "pitifully, perfidious, puddin' made it?"  Phil replies, "does it matter?"  Harley guesses not.  Then Aquaman and says she looks far from home and he and his dolphins will take her back, to Coney Island.  And that brings the Future's End issue to a close.  Now back to Harley and the unconcious Power Girl.

Harley calls on Big Tony and Mason to help carry Power Girl back to her apartment.  Power Girl in case you didn't know is the Earth-2 version of Supergirl.  Here, enjoy this wiki page on her so I can get on with the story. They lie her down on Harley's bed and check her for injuries as delicately as they can when suddenly she comes around.  She has amnesia though and quickly passes out again.  Harley spots an opportunity for mischief.

She goes downstairs and gets Queenie to quickly run up two Harley themed superhero costumes.  She changes into hers and wrestles Power Girl out of her costume and into the new one.  Power Girl wakes up, takes a few steps and her new costume completely rips and falls off her.  Harley quickly offers her the old one back, Power Girl is very confused about what is going on.  Harley tells her that she is called Power Girl and Harley is her teammate.

Harley then tells her that she has a secret identity, her real name is "Betty Burns" and her stage name is "The Bomb". 

Powergirl: "So my secret identity from being this 'Power Girl' is a strong woman in a sideshow?"

Harley: "I can get a pen and write it down for you if you like."

Power Girl asks what she wears in this secret identity and Harley puts some glasses on her. Power Girl says "you must think I'm an idiot".  So off they go to do some clothes shopping.

After purchasing several outfits between them, they sit and have a meal in a fast food joint.  As Power Girl takes a drink, her cup springs a leak.  Because someone shot her through it, luckily she is made of iron so she is just a little startled by this rather than hurt.  "Someone just shot my soda!  And my boob!" she exclaims and it turns out a pair of villains, "The Sportsmaster" and "The Clock King" are responsible as they are robbing various places in the mall.  So Power Girl and Harley strip off their coats, revealing their superhero outfits and launch into evil-battling mode.

Power Girl: "How about we do some magic and make these guys disappear?"

Harley: "The way you say that is hot."

Unfortunately for them, the pair of baddies stretch open a ring which is a portal through space and Harley and Power Girl get transported across the cosmos.

To the rescue!

They find themselves amongst an army of a variety of aliens, led by a Queen with four breasts. When asked who they are, Power Girl proudly states they are both protectors of Earth and of their galaxy.  The Queen asks her human accountant and lover, "given to me by The Clock King", if what she says is true.  The man says as it's true as far as Power Girl is concerned but as he is about to reveal Harley's true nature, Harley blows him up using a gun she managed to swipe.

Power Girl and Harley make their getaway from the rest of the aliens as Power Girl says to Harley not to kill people again.  Power Girl then starts fighting them which wakes up the huge pug dog that can talk.  He asks Power Girl if there is a way they can resolve the situation. The Queen wants Harley and Power Girl dead, but the dog is her husband the King, who was disgusted by her taking a human as a lover and after a heated argument, he eats her.

Later he, Harley and Power Girl enjoy a banquet and he tells them that the ring they came through is one-way, but there are other rings they might be able to use, as owned by "Manos Ruler Of The Infinity Rings".  So with a map to guide them and a promise they'll chuck some cheeseburgers the king's way when they return, Power Girl and Harley go to confront Manos.

The King is a friendly dog.

They find Manos and his forty-five children hanging out on their planet.  Before they can reach him though a creature that looks like a giant slice of pizza attacks them.  Power Girl goes out and fights it but Harley manages to zap it using a space laser.  Then Manos, who doesn't look at all like Thanos, noooo, comes out and says:

Manos: "Bring me the Cosmic Organ".

Harley: "Ha! He said Cosmic Organ".

While Harley and Power Girl watch in horror, he destroys a whole planet with it.  This makes Power Girl angry, she tells him she was planning on bargaining with him but after that little display she's going to defeat him instead.

Manos tries to use his Infinity Rings against her, but light-fingered Harley has stolen them off him and uses them to blast him into a skeleton, much to Power Girl's annoyance.   One of Manos's kids tells them the ring home was his "Pinkie-toe one" and they stretch it into a portal which takes them back to just after they left Earth. 

Not Thanos honest!

But the Clock King and Sportsmaster send them back through another portal.  They instantly return, but Power Girl is now in a wedding dress and Harley, in a space jumpsuit is accompanied by several three-eyed purple cats. "Thank God! That was the longest two weeks of my life" says Power Girl.  Harley says she thought "Vartox" was cute.  So what happened?  An entire miniseries set between two panels happened, which I have covered here.  Enjoy!  For now, Power Girl rips off the dress and The Clock King says "I think we're in trouble."

Power Girl punches The Sports Master so hard he pops out of his skates.   He retaliates with a "short range nuclear ballistic missile."  Harley and The Clock King get to safety but The Sports Master manages to get caught in the blast that hit Power Girl.   The Clock King uses a magic clock to turn back and freeze time and retrieve his companion, and they make their getaway.

Tease PeeGee at your peril.

Power Girl survived of course, but her hair is all wooshed back.  As she flies carrying Harley, Harley has fits of laughter and teases her over it, getting dropped a couple of times as punishment.  They arrive back at Harley's building and Harley tells her she has a show to do that night.  Still pretty confused by her apparent life, she goes for a shower.  "Can I watch?" asks Harley.  That gets a firm NO.  Big Tony notes that she'll kill them when she gets her memory back.  Harley says she thinks another blow to her head and Power Girl's memory may return and she likes being her partner.

Big Tony: "Aw. Aren't you two cute together.  Add yer pal Ivy to the mix and we got a regular sitcom".

Harley: "Let's save that for another special, shall we?"

Coming out of the shower in Harley's flat, Harley introduces Power Girl to "Edgar", an egg with mechanical arms, the newest tenant of the building.  "He used to be a villain but we cured him with love and kindness" she says of him.  Power Girl is suspicious of him though.

Later, downstairs at the burlesque show poor Power Girl is in a leotard and does some flexing for the crowd.  A stagelight falls on her and Harley and Tony get ready to run in case her memory is back, but she is still amnesiac.  Then Harley tells her Clock King and Sports Master have been spotted uptown and it's time to go defeat them.

After an interude where Harley tries to mesmerise a mugger with her butt, she arrives to find the two miscreants beaten and down.  But The Sports Master isn't finished yet and he fires an energy bolt at Power Girl, which gets him shot in the hand by Harley for his trouble.  This surprises the villains, "since when do heroes shoot bad guys?" says The Clock King.  The police arrive to take them into custody as Power Girl flies off with Harley.

It was probably an obscene suggestion, bad Harley!

.

They sit together on a roof and Power Girl wants to know all about herself.  Harley spins her a bunch of fibs, then suddenly a bird craps on Power Girl and it is this that brings her memories back. Uh oh. Harley does some fast talking saying they did some proper superheroic stuff:

Harley: "Look, we were a crime-fighting team and you really liked me, even though I drove you nuts".

Harley makes her eyes big and limpid and starts crying, saying "could you ever forgive me?" Grumpily, Power Girl says "I can't stay mad at you Harley.  I just don't know what to do with you."  So Harley whispers something in her ear we don't hear, but involves the word "French" and gets Harley abandoned on top of the Eiffel Tower as punishment.  And that brings the Power Girl arc to a close.

Another interlude, this time for "Harley Quinn Invades Comic Con International San Diego Special" which is a bit of a mouthful but pretty much describes what happens.  Harley goes to Comic Con, which allows for some more playful meta humour.  In the course of the issue she snogs a room full of Joker cosplayers, de-pantses Batman, gets arrested for shooting a cop in the bum, has her portfolio looked over by Jim Lee, gets Bruce Timm and Paul Dini's autographs, and sadly also overhears an interview with DC Satan-In-Chief Dan Didio who says the following:

Dan Didio: "We'll be launching a new line of books that do not have any editorial overlooking control. We call this D-C-You.  Each creator does whatever they like with the character of their choice and goes crazy. We don't expect these books to sell at all, so we are setting the print run at 1,000 copies each."

No, no, let's move on.  Let's stay positive for now, even though this proves to me my theory that DC set the DCYou up for failure before the New 52 breathed its last.  You'll be hearing me whine more on this topic when I cover the second and final wave of DCYou trades early next year.  Anyway, after all this daftness, this volume is rounded off by a short "Secret Origins" tale of Harley and her lifelong interest in the criminally insane, culminating in her self destructive relationship with the Joker.  And that's it for another Harleytastic volume.

I just find these comics so much FUN.  The meta humour doesn't overwhelm the narratives, the jokes, innuendo and parody comes thick and fast and perhaps what I like most about it is the huge emphasis it places on female friendship.  Seriously I can't think of many other superhero comics where a whole issue would just be two women hanging out chatting and shopping.  And even before the Power Girl issues we get Harley hanging out and having a laugh with her Roller Derby team, no men in sight, nor are they the subject of the conversations.  It passes the Bechdel Test more comprehensively than any other superhero comic I can think of.  The Power Girl/Harley odd-couple friendship is glorious.  Poor Power Girl does end up looking a bit undignified in places, but she gets to be superheroic while having to cope with the crazy persona Harley has cooked up for her.  The idea of setting a miniseries between two panels is another fun idea and the Harley/Power Girl miniseries manages to be even dafter than the main Harley series if that's possible.  All-In-All you really feel Harley enjoys her life a lot, the Future's End and Secret Origins issues actually goes someway to showing how putting her with The Joker limits her, she is too wild to be a one man or woman Harley and she works much better as an anti-hero than as a villain.  I'm definitely still sticking with Harley for now, keep watching this space for the next volume in her series fairly soon.

Harley Quinn Book 1: Hot In The City (#0-8)

"Romance.  Who needs it?  I've got all the unconditional love I need right here" - Harley Quinn

Well let's lighten the mood a little now, Harley Quinn's New 52 series was something of a breath of fresh air amongst the doom, gore and gloom of the majority of the rest of the line.  I've already covered her team up miniseries with Power Girl that happened later in this solo series of Harley's but this is her ongoing that debuted in December 2013 and has been going ever since.  If you don't know much about Harley here's a potted history.  She first appeared in Batman:  The Animated Series as Harleen Quinzel the former psychiatrist of The Joker's who became his partner in crime and girlfriend although the relationship was something of an abusive one.  After joining the New 52 Suicide Squad (and you'll be seeing her as part of the team in the Suicide Squad film in August), she was given her own series where she functions much as Deadpool does in the Marvel Universe.  She has no respect for the fourth wall, is a pansexual and somewhat homicidal anti-hero and just generally larks about having a laugh.  She's no longer the Joker's girlfriend after he blew up her home and set fire to her beaver (No not like that perverts!  I mean the stuffed beaver called Bernie who she likes to chat with.  Tsk) and in this series is striking out on her own though she has a casual relationship with Poison Ivy going on now.  The issue #0 I'm not going to cover in any detail because it is basically Harley auditioning artists to draw her new series, with single pages from the likes of Batman: TAS's Bruce Timm and the late Darwyn Cooke amongst those responding. 

Issue Zero: Serious talent involved.

In the end she chooses Chad Hardin, with Stephane Roux (see the Harley Quinn and Power Girl mini I covered a couple of months ago) as a back-up and writers Amanda Conner and Jimmy Palmiotti who put in a cameo appearence at the end. Conner is an artist as well and is also responsible for the fantastic covers each issue has.  After she was told she'd inherited some New York Coney Island property at the end of issue #0 from an old Arkham Asylum patient of hers we join Harley in issue #1 driving her motorbike with what's left of all her possessions on it to check her new place out.

She waits at some lights and a hipster is dragging a sad looking daschund along behind him. The dog implores her and so she takes him.  They drive on, then a masked man pulls up along side with a shotgun and fires at Harley.  He misses but causes a crash and pile up.  Annoyed she wallops his head off with her giant mallet.

Stop. Hammer Time.

Finally she arrives, it is a four floor building with a Freakshow, Creepshow and Criminal House of Wax as some of the businesses there. The real estate agent shows her around.  The second floor is flats where the people who run the businesses live.  The third floor is empty, mainly storage and lumber and the fourth floor is a living space with access via an elevator of its own and roof access too.

Harley: "I think I've died and gone to heaven"

It's almost too perfect she thinks and the estate agent hits her with the bad news.  She is to be responsible for the back taxes, real estate taxes, insurance and upkeep.  The tenant's rents don't cover all this so she will have to earn about six thousand extra a month to keep the place.

Harley's new digs.

Later Tony, a small man who looks after security in the building, gives her a welcome gift, a local newspaper with the help wanted section circled, a milky coffee and a Brooklyn everything bagel with cheese.  This makes her happy and she gives Tony a hug and the person looking at her through a sniper scope can't make the shot.

So she uses make-up to give her a normal skin tone and applies for a job at a mental health clinic as a counselor using faked references.  They say they'll call her back.  Then she tries out for Roller Derby and the team are impressed with her violence and hire there and then.

Later that night Harley is lying out on the roof of the building saying how much she in enjoying the secutity having a place of her own gives her.

Harley:  There's no place like home.

Then Tony appears and shoots the assassin who was about to attack Harley from behind.  Harley rummages around in the assassin's clothes and finds a flyer, it has a bounty listed on her head for two million dollars!

Still has feelings for the Joker.

Next day Harley is looking round the House of Wax which has models of all famous criminals including The Joker.  Harley spots a fridge and realises she needs one of her own and goes and purchases one.  Outside she sees a demonstration, a pet shelter is going to put down fifty animals tommorrow if they don't get adopted.  Harley applies to adopt but the woman she hands the form to rips it up.

So Harley calls Poison Ivy to come and help with her plan.  While she waits, she hangs out with Bernie at her place.  Then the corpse of the hitman comes to life causing Harley to jump in fright.  But it's just Ivy standing on the fire escape using her vines to make him move.  Harley is relieved, "I don't know if I wanna kill you or kiss you".  Ivy replies, "kisses please."  Harley then says:

Harley: "You wanna meet my beaver?"

Ivy: "Um.. Okay... why not?

Harley: [shows her Bernie]  Bernie, meet Poison Ivy, Bernie.

Ivy: "Oh.. it's an actual beaver.  And he's burnt".

A well stuffed beaver is such a rich source of double entendre.  So after that at night they go to the shelter and let all the animals out.  Who promptly all run away.  Harley and Ivy split up to round them up and take them back to Harley's place.

"Rescuing" the animals.

Once she is alone, someone in a car tries to run her down.  She jumps onto the roof and chokes the man with a pair of giant pliers and he tells her that her address has been posted online with the bounty.  She throws him through a butcher's window and ties him up with sausages and this attracts the dogs so she leads him and them back to her building.

Ivy has already got the cats and birds there, so Harley decides to put the dogs on the third floor.  She then tosses the sausage wrapped hitman to the dogs and they make short work of him.  Next day Ivy wakes first and goes downstairs and makes floor three an indoor forest area with trees and grass.

Ivy and Harley make a cute couple.

Pleased with this, Harley is asked by Tony what she plans to do with all the poo that's going to need to be dealt with.  She says she has an idea, and is Tony good at building stuff?  He says he is, so she tells him she has "something spectacular" planned.

We next find Harley on valentines day attending the Creepshow.  She is ambushed by a hitman in there but kills him with his own shotgun and as she leaves, tells the proprietor she left something scary in there for him.

Brooding about her lack of a date she finds Tony looking similarly despondant holding some flowers.  He was going to ask Queenie out but she's gone out with someone else instead.  He gives Harley the flowers and leaves sadly.  In the bath later Harley complains about all the romance on TV, Bernie says "admit it fruitcakes.  You're lonely".

Bernie: "You need to put your ass out there, meet new people and sell your wares.  Giving all your attention to just your pet beaver will make you appear antisocial".

Pondering Valentines Day.

Harley spots a plant Ivy left her and eats a berry from it.  Then she gets a call from the nursing home she applied to be a therapist at, she's got the job.  To celebrate she dolls herself up and gets ready to hit a singles bar.

Harley: "Look out world, here I come!  I'll never understand why Superman wears the same outfit every damn day."

She strolls on out, but the berry gives off some sort of scent that affects the driver of a bus full of criminals and he crashes it and they all escape.

Each one of them smells a different delicious smell coming from Harley and advance on her.  She runs into a hardware store and battles them inside using the likes of strimmers and drills until there is only one left and she blows him up.

Harley deals with the besotted criminals.

She goes back outside and is kissed by the policewoman who was called out, much to the policewoman's surprise because she isn't into girls.  But Harley smells like the best donut ever.  Harley runs home realising the berry was causing all this and catapaults the plant out of her home.

Then Tony appears, the berry has worn off and he asks Harley for the flowers back so he can fight for Queenie.  Harley gives him the flowers and the last berry saying it'll "give you an edge".  Then she goes and plays with the cats and dogs for a while.  She ruminates on how Valentine's Day is the meanest holiday there is.  But as she leaves to go for a walk she sees Tony being hugged by Queenie and a man and thinks:

Harley: "Although it is awfully nice to play Cupid every once in a while."

Next day Harley disguises herself and gets ready to attend her first day at the clinic.  She meets with Tony who has the plans for the mysterious contraption she wants building which he negociates four months rent free to do so.

A tale of woe and neglect.

Her first patient is an old lady called Mrs. Rubenstein who tells her a sob story about how her son rarely even calls her and she hasn't seen her grandson in ages and she thinks they are just waiting for a big blood clot to claim her life.  Harley says they'll talk again on friday, Mrs Rubenstein responds, "If I don't die of a broken heart, sure."  Harley then tells the receptionist to rearrange her appointments for the evening she has something to do now.

At the Rubenstein's house, the grandson is playing videogames, his mum is demonstrating massage devices to some friends to sell and the dad is playing with his model trains upstairs.  Harley crashes through the side of their house on a bulldozer and takes all three of them hostage and dumps them in the boot of her car.

She goes for some food at a diner and while she does so, takes out another hitman with a fork.  Then she attends her first roller derby match, which she is late for.  Her team loses, but she runs over the opposing team as they leave the stadium, "wow, that was kinda hot" says her team captain.

Harley then remembers she has the Rubensteins in her car boot and gets them out and sits them on the end of a pier.  She kicks the grandson and his mum off it and takes out the son/dad's gag.  When he realises why she is doing this he furiously tells her he sees his mother three times a week, his wife has lunch with her once a week and his son sees her every saturday.  Harley is non-plussed.

Mr Rubenstein: "She has alzeimers you twisted clown!  She can't even remember what she had for dinner!"
Then he jumps off the pier to save his family but lands on sand, luckily the tide was out.  Totally unconcerned with her actions towards them Harley cheerily drives off telling the father to call his mother. 

The Rubensteins get some unorthodox therapy.

She attends her evening appointment which turns out to be an elderly Jewish man on a mobility scooter and with bionic limbs.  He is called Sy Borgman, and he knows she is Harley Quinn.  He is an ex secret agent and he wants her help tracking down and killing some Russian sleeper agents here in New York.  Are you ready to serve your country he asks her? "Well, Mystah Borg.  Let's do this thing" she replies.

Sy gives her the files on the seven targets they are after and tells her to study it ready for tommorrow.  In return for her help he can find out who put a hit out on her, though Harley says she has someone looking into that.  She returns to her building and is invited to a Burlesque show taking place there.  She gets a bit to involved though and storms the stage thinking the fight taking place is real.

Sy Borgman.

Then she go upstairs to read the files and nods off, she has a very weird dream in the process.  Next day she attends her clinic jobs until it is time to meet Sy in the evening and begin their job.  The first target is in hospital on life support so they gain entrance to his room by attaching the mobility scooter to a zipline and crashing through the window.

Sy rips all the wires out of the wall.  Nothing changes.  He cuts all the tubes.  Still nothing changes.  He electro-punches the man.  Nothing.  So Harley gathers up the tubs and blows hard down them making the mans arteries explode.  This kills him and they make their escape from the hospital.

One way to make an entrance.

They arrive at their next target's house, they break in through the gates and battle the gaurds.  The target phones one of the others and says it is their job to alert the others.  Then, when Sy and Harley reach her she sets off a huge explosion that blows up the whole house.

Sy uses his cybernetic enhancements to fire up some cables that grab onto a passing news helicopter.  The three off them are dragged free of the building and Harley takes the woman's rings before letting go of her.  She and Sy clamber into the chopper and take control.  Harley manages to fy it to the zoo and crash lands it outside, their next target "The Bear" works inside.

Dealing with the Russians.

As they go find the secret entrance, Sy tells them The Bear got his nickname because he used to feed whole families to them to get prisoners to talk.  The Bear is watching them on CCTV and says over the phone to another target, "zey von't know what hit zem.  I have a plan".  He lets out some of the more ferocious animals.  The bears don't want to get up though, he kicks one and it rips him to pieces in a rage.  His head goes bouncing out of the enclosure and is picked up by one of the eagles.

Inside the zoo Sy tells Harley their work has been done for them, he recognises the tattoo on the arm one of the tigers is chowing down on.  With The Bear taken care of, Sy says they can do a couple more tonight, while Harley wants to stay and play with the animals for a while.

Then the rest of the Russian targets pull up at the zoo entrance.  After trading insults they fight Harley and Sy.  Two of them blow themselves up with faulty bagel grenades, Sy blows one up with a rocket launcher, Harley brains one with a pipe and the older female in charge kisses Sy but aims a dagger at his back.  Before she can strike, he drives forwards and knocks her into the rhino pit and she is impaled on a horn.

The Bear falls victim to the zoo animals.

With all of them dead, they go for the mystery eighth target.  Turns out he's an American who sold Sy a rare car in 1959 but didn't tell him it had a radiator leak.  When he broke down and had to go for some coolant, he returned to find his dream car had been totally stripped of parts.  When he says he would have left the car to Harley, she gets mad and kicks the man out of the window.

Sy and Harley watch the sunrise on the boardwalk.  She kisses him and says, "you sure know how to show a girl a good time".  Then the eagle drops The Bear's head in Sy's lap.  Harley kicks it into the sea.  She returns home to find Poison Ivy there who has taken care of another couple of hitmen and says she has a lead on "who put out that bounty on your cute, crazy little head."

Another wacky escapade over.

Next day, she and Harley go to the beach.  Ivy tells her she tracked the postings down to Harley's laptop, so someone must be breaking in and posting while she is out or asleep.  Two men come up to them and flirt with them, the girls decide to play along.  One of them paints Harley's toenails:

Harley: "I'm keepin' this one".

Ivy: "Do what you want just put him away when I'm around".

They return to Harley's place and check her laptop activity.  The site advertising the hit gets updated once every five days and so that means tonight will be another update time.  They find a file called "Nunya" as in "nunya business" but it is user and password protected.

Ivy's plan is to hide in the closet while Harley sleeps and they can catch the miscreant in the act.  Harley finally gets off to sleep, then starts sleep walking.  She goes to the laptop and increases the bounty to three million, her plan is to attract all the local competition and kill them off.  She opens the Nunya file, but then two assassins crash in through the window.  Ivy starts fighting them and Bernie exhorts Harley to wake up:

Bernie: "Hey!  Turnip head!  They're going to kill your favourite houseplant if you don't wake up!."

Harley wakes up and between them, she and Ivy kill the attackers.  But in the fight Harley's laptop is destroyed.  Ivy fills Harley in on what she found out.

Ivy: "With the computer gone and you unable to remember the site or password, you're a bit screwed".

Harley unconciously hiring her assassins.

One of the attacker's phone goes off and he has a text update about a meeting of the "Brooklyn Assassins Guild" the next day.  They decide to crash it and Tony comes along for extra firepower.  Once there, Ivy uses her powers to tie them all up with vines.  Harley tries to explain to them how there is no bounty on her, and if they come after her she'll go after their families.  A grizzled assassin says he doesn't believe her and has no family to threaten, so Tony shoots him in the head.

As Harley, Ivy and Tony walk back to Harley's place, she thanks them for her help and she'll just have to keep dealing with the ramifications of the bounty on her head for now.  As a reward to Tony she buys him some new boots with the cash they took from all the contract killer's wallets.

The Assassin club.

We next see Harley trying to pawn the rings she took from the Russian lady.  Unfortunately they have been reported stolen so she has to take a lower price for them, boosted by the fact she takes out two robbers who try to stick up the pawn shop up when she is in there.

After a meatball lunch with Tony, she attends her next Roller Derby match.  She is doing too well and the opposing team send out their secret weapon, Bertha, to take down Harley.  She knocks Harley out and when she is revived in the changing rooms she is angry when she discovers she's had a tooth knocked out.  Her manager forbids her going back out but Harley ignores her, grabs her mallet and smashes Bertha's head in.  Unfortunately this gets her banned from Roller Derby, but her manager gives her a card with details of something called "Skate Club" on it.

Once home, all the occupants of the building have gathered to see something Harley is going to unveil.  It turns out to be a giant catapult which she nicknames the "scatapult" as this is the way she is going to deal with all the animal poo building up in the place.  They start firing bags of the stuff off the roof.

The scatapualt revealed to the rest of the building's tenants.

The first hits a roller coaster.  The next hits a train.  The next hits DC's office window where an editorial conference about a new line-wide reboot is being discussed.  Hah!  Harley goes  downstairs to get more poo, but a hitman has a hold of a kitten and threatens to kill it if she doesn't let him kill her.

He is grabbed from behind by Mario, one of the building's tenants and Harley whacks him with her mallet.  They put him on the scatapult and fire him into the air.  He bounces off a advertising zeppelin and gets minced up in the propellers of an advertising aeroplane.

As these shenanigans are going on, a creepy looking man watches Harley through binoculars from the top of a train.  A cop stands behind him and calls him Edwin, exhorting him to give up. Edwin disarms and kills the cop then dressed in his uniform says he's coming for Harley and wishes to marry her.

Yes, fire that poo at Dan Didio, noone deserves it more than him!

And that brings this first book of Harley silliness to a close.  I found this tremendous fun.  The scripting is sharp and snappy with plenty of double entendres and groan worthy punnage.  The sheer enjoyment Harley has as she bounces through life make her a very appealing character, especially now she has come out from under the shadow of The Joker. Giving her a property full of freaky people like her makes for some fun interludes as she investigates the various businesses working underneath her.  Her no-strings relationship with Poison Ivy is very sweet, after one as abusive as The Joker's one with her was, it does make sense she'd turn to a woman like Ivy afterwards. The various misadventures are enjoyable to read, especially when you get characters like Sy Borgman along for the ride.  The art really does suit the tone and atmosphere of the book, it's very lavish and almost garish in places the hyperreality suits a character who seems to exist in her own little self-contained part of the DCU that other characters occasionally get to visit. The mystery man at the end has got me intrigued and I'm looking forward to reading the next volume to find out more and also enjoy more daft antics from Harley and everyone she drags along with her for the ride.

Harley Quinn and Power Girl (#1-6)

"I've had it!  I'm tired of being in space! I'm tired of everything being completely bonkers!" - Power Girl

Well I couldn't let ladies month end without featuring DC's most popular and bankable female character.  No not Wonder Woman silly billy!  She's like 75 years old, how unhip!  I'm talking about quirky clown woman Harley Quinn, who first appeared in Batman: The Animated series and was once in an abusive relationship with the Joker. Now  she's in a much sexier and healthier relationship with Poison Ivy.  If you're a confused Marvel Zombie reading this, well think female Deadpool - antihero, comedic sociopath, fourth wall breaker and pansexual soon to be seen in a Suicide Squad movie near you. I know her best from her appearances in the Arkham videogames but she's moved on since then as a part of the New Suicide Squad and has several series of her own. It goes without saying she's surviving the DC Rebirth, I just hope she keeps having fun that's all (she's keeping her writing team so it's looking good). This miniseries has her teamed up with an amnesiac and somewhat confused Power Girl who Harley's convinced her she's the sidekick of and whose history is so complicated and so tied up with the various "Crisis Crossovers" it's like a continutiy klein bottle.  Basically she's the Earth-2 cousin of the Kal-L Superman, Kara Zor-L not to be confused with Supergirl, the cousin of Earth-1 Kal-El Superman, Kara Zor-El and... oh fuck it just read the wikipedia summary if you need more than that.  What you definitely need to know is this miniseries is filthy, in that way kids will miss while the adults can't stop giggling.

It's written by the writers of Harley's solo series, Jimmy Palmiotti and Amanda Conner, with a third writer Justin Gray joining them. Stephane Roux is on main art duties, though other artists contribute to some of the issues too when there are drug trips and flashbacks to be portrayed.   I like the art, it captures the madcap goofiness very well.  Also I like the way Harley and Power Girl are drawn.  Of course Power Girl has a big boobs, but she's drawn muscular and voluptuous rather than a stick with tits stuck on.  And Harley has a nice curviness to her as well as opposed to the skinny goth I often see her portrayed as.  I approve anyway.  So what's the backstory behind this minseries, lets check the back cover blurb and see:

"Hey, remember the panel gutter between panels three and four of page twenty of HARLEY QUINN #12? What?  You DON'T? It's only, like, the most memorable panel gutter of the twenty-first century!  We'll jog your memory - our heroes, Harley Quinn and Power Girl were tossed through a teleportation ring, dropping them into galaxies unknown?  Well either way, have we got the miniseries for you, in which the full tale of that momentus, momentary pause can be told!"

Oh like that is it?  Hopefully this gives you a clue as to how utterly silly this tale of perky loon Harley Quinn and the perenially bewildered and exasperated Power Girl is.  So lets continue.

Our story begins.

The first joke is that this is the second time they are sent through a teleportation ring by Clock King and Sports Master.  The first time is chronicled in Harley's own series and saw them fighting an entity called Manos.  They used his toe ring to get back but Power Girl didn't have it when they instantly got sent back through the same ring, only to emerge somewhere else and where this silly story begins proper.

Harley: "Hey where are we at pussy cat?"

Power Girl: "Nowhere good".

They have a look around and meet a creepy little guy who talks like Yoda.  When they repel his sexual advances he sics a hydra on them, "he's so cuuuuute!" squeals Harley.  Then one of the heads eats Power Girl and so Harley jumps on one head and starts pounding.  Power Girl bursts out of the hydra and they continue fighting.  Harley manages to bully some weaponry out of the Yoda-guy.

Harley: "When life gives you lemons... put down the damn lemons and get yourself some extraordinary ordinance!"

Harley is easily pleased.

Between them the Hydra is vanished.  Then Harley accidentally shoots Power Girl with a rocket which sends her careering back into a giant robot head, which them activates and scans them both.

It recognises Power Girl as Kara Zor-L, "initiating love nest protocol" it says much to her confusion.  Inside is seventies style pad, scented with "Lord Vartox's favourite cologne.  Acquired on his last visit to Earth in 1974".  The head starts flying, saying it will take them to Lord Vartox.

However Vartox is in a sticky situation, a galactic tyrant called Oreth Odeox has him in a torture device and is trying to break him. All the while his minions take over the planet.  The Giant Head fills in our heroes on the situation:

Giant Head: "Oreth Odeox is a cosmotyrant that has taken it upon himself to clease the universe of hedonism".

Big Giant Head No.1

Then the Giant Head is attacked and crash lands.  Harley and Power Girl climb out and are immediately accosted by Mo'zit Blaqhed, the sector's Judicial Magistrate.  He assesses Power Girl:

Mo'zit: "Skin tight clothing, unacceptable levels of cleavage, possible karflippian toe, lack of undergarments, sleeves but no pants, suspected prostitution..."

And Harley blows his head off with her tiny gun.  Power Girl is all "what the hell Harley?" and Harley insists she didn't know the gun was that powerful and anyway he was pissing her off.

Then Power Girl gets blasted in the back by some minions and she punches them all out before crushing Harley's gun.  Some ragged refugees appear and recognise Power Girl, at first they think she is an android, then are delighted to find she is the real thing.

Groovicus Mellow.

The leader introduces himself as Groovicus Mellow, Lord Vartox's head science dude.  He says he was there when Lord Vartox took her for a mate after a contraception bomb had been exploded sterilizing their planet.

Power Girl: "Stop.  I am aware there is a multiverse.  I know this because my timeline died and I'm the sole survivor.  Also this whole Earth-2 thing happened.  Therefore we know there are other me's out there.  Time is a flat circle and all that."

Groovicus has his mind blown by all this, but Power Girl demands to know where they can find a teleportation ring and are told Lord Vartox has one.

He's been moved to the "Lust Moon of Lustox" and they can take one of the ships docked a few miles away to get up there.  Then more minions of Odeox arrive through a crack in space.  Many, many arrive.  Harley tells Power Girl, "betcha wish ya didn't squish my widdle raygun now d'ontcha?"

Power Girl tells Harley to get the others to safety while she buys them some time  Groovicus says he knows of a place, "the Love Lair".

Harley: "Will there be food and refreshments? Fruity-flavoured lubricants maybe?  Edible undies?  Lollipops shaped like - "

Groovicus interrupts to say if they rescue the people they can have their hearts desire.  Power Girl meanwhile is still bashing henchmen pouring out of the portal, must "shut that space hole" she thinks.

Down below, Groovicus, Harley and the others bump into a robot called "Killy McHappy 2.0".  He says his job is to collect refugees and humanoids attempting to escape Odeox.

Killy: "Because the palace is forbidden, I am authorised to sew your orifices up".

Zoinks!

Harley and Groovicus have a whispered conversation about getting a weapon.  Groovicus says they have none having stopped their brutal ways three thousand and fourteen years ago.  Harley asks if they have a museum with any in?  Killy interrupts saying he can hear them and now it is time to "commence the sewing of orifices."

Power Girl is still fighting, "must... cork... that cosmic crack." She lands back on the planet and gets hit in the back by an energy blast.  Harley and Groovicus are fleeing Killy, who kills the rest of them.  They come to an art gallery with erotic statues in it.  Harley is told they are sculpted with "Hard Light".  She is given a pair of gloves to manipulate light and makes a giant mallet.

She pounds Killy into a more appealing looking robot form, a giant rabbit.  Groovicus says it is as if the universe approves and Killy says "This is an opportunity to reinvent myself as art".  But then Harley smashes him to bits.

Harley: "Just so you space hippies can understand.  That was an expression a'my anger, which in itself is an artform".

Harley's weapon of choice.

The stunned Power Girl is being manhandled by minions when suddenly a group of women and one man teleport on to the scene and rescue her.

They introduce themselves as Envio, Firefox, Sala Mandarr, Carnal and the one male member, Cherub.  Power Girl is confused, and Envio asks if she is jealous?  They are the "XGF" the "Ex-Girlfriend Force" which annoys Cherub because he isn't a girl and just because he was a one night stand doesn't mean he doesn't count!

The XGF and Cherub.

They are all exes of Vartox here to rescue him.  Harley then makes an entrance on a motorbike and starts attacking the XGF until Power Girl tells her they are friends.  Harley has also found a spaceship to take her and Power Girl to the Lust Moon, but not the rest.  The XGF have their own ship.  Meanwhile Odeox has finally broken Vartox and turned him into a slave, "what would you have me do Master?" says the newly evil Vartox.

Groovicus is also aboard the ship.  Harley starts recapping the story so far, saying "I'm monologue-ing in a Hunter S. Thompson voice" when asked by Power Girl what she is doing.  They fly over a canyon filled with phallic towers and huge statues of scantily clad women.  Lord Vartox built it during his fifty year long "celibacy trials".

Filth!

They are then attacked by more flying minions. Harley and Power Girl go out and fight them. The XGF look on, saying their priority is Vartox.  But Cherub says he is going to go and lend a hand and leaves their dong shaped spaceship in a shuttle.  He ejects from it and causes it to explode, taking out the enemies, and asks for a lift back with Harley and Power Girl.

They rejoin the ship to find Groovicus with a cosmic bong on his head and the ship full of smoke.  This triggers a "Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas" trip.

Harley: "I was startin' to feel a little light headed.  Suddenly there was a terrible growl all around us an' the sky was full of Batmen...!  We had two bags a' catnip, twenty-five rounds a' hollow point bullets, half a bag a' fried bacon and three copies of the Death Of Superman".

Power Girl tells Groovicus again that this version of her has never met Vartox and that there are many parallel universes and versions of themselves, which blows his mind some more.  Then they spot a bald man on the side of the road who might be Spider "Transmetropolitan" Jerusalem.

Bald Man: "You're travelling outside of continuity, constantly morphing and adapting.  But I can see you're not enjoying this part of the voyage."

Power Girl comments it feels a bit like "filler" while Harley says it's not the destination it's the journey.  Anyway they decide to return to reality.

A trippy diversion.

They arrive at the part of the moon where Vartox was being held, but then their ship is shot down.  Groovicus says the energy signature was Vartox's but he's never seen it so dark.  Also the blast hit the ship right on the toilet area which was where Cherub was at the time.  Vartox appears and says by the time he is through with them:

Vartox: "...You too will wish you were blown to bits while seated on the commode!"

"I like him already!" pipes up Harley.  Power Girl can't believe any version of her dated that.  The XGF ship has also been shot down and crashed.  Vartox attacks them with his eye-beams.

Evil Vartox.

Harley retaliates by drawing a butt in the sand.  "Vartox does not appreciate your comicality in the face of extinction" he responds.  Power Girl punches him far away, then Groovicus pleads with her to try and reason with him  Reluctantly she agrees but they end up brawling and he accuses her of trying to distract him with her costume.  Then he blasts her with a powerful energy beam.

"Beg for mercy you heftily chassified hussy!" yells Vartox.  "I don't beg" responds Power Girl and they fight some more.  It actually looks like Vartox is getting the upperhand when Harley appears riding a giant horned cat called a "Caticorn."  He picks up Power Girl but is grabbed by Vartox who starts choking her.  She does big sad eyes at him and he releases his grip. 

No one can resist the Purr.

Then the Caticorn starts purring and Vartox begins to calm down.  Harley then gives him a heart-to-heart talking about relationships and hers in the past especially:

Harley: "Love makes ya crazy, Mistah V, but sometimes ya got so mixed up an' crazy in love, y'can't tell that yer sweetie is nasty an' your relationship is toxic".

She tells him that he and Power Girl have a beautiful thing and Vartox finally returns to his old self thanks to the purring and pep talk, although somewhat confused as he can't recall his actions as a bad guy.  So the sex machine was soothed by a giant pussy, eh?  See? Sheer filth!

Then Power Girl punches him and we get a flashback as to how Harley found the Caticorn.  She decided to follow Power Girl after she punched Vartox away the first time.  She came to a lake and a giant fish monster leaped out to try and eat her, but the Caticorn snatched it out of the air and ate it saying Harley made good bait.

Meeting the Caticorn.

Vartox then passionately kisses Power Girl who shouts "unsolicited!" and throws him away. He returns and kneels before her, asking for forgiveness. He tells her that not long ago his people faced extinction, he sought her out on Earth and they had many adventures before they repopulated the planet using a "pregnoray", much to Harley's amusement.  Then the rest of the XGF arrive on the scene.

Vartox: "Vartox doesn't see Cherub.  Has he come to regret our evening of vigorous recreation?"

Cherub, somewhat battered, appears saying he doesn't want to talk about being blown out of a restroom at thirty thousand feet.  Satisfied Vartox is safe, the XGF teleport away.

Vartox enlists Harley and Power Girl in taking down Odeox.  Odeox is ready for them though and unleashes sexy "attack nuns" (sex none?).  Power Girl takes on the nuns while Vartox and Harley face Odeox.  Odeox fires an energy blast at Vartox which blows off what little clothes Vartox is wearing.

Filth!!

The sight of Vartox's "diamond pillar" proves quite a distraction to Odeox, and Power Girl zaps and punches him to the ground, "we're done here" she says as she knocks Odeox out, but not before he tells her he's summoned something called "The Harvester of Sorrow."  At this news Harley can only say, "Aw, crap.  This isn't going to go well".

"I don't need all of this drama in my life.  I mean look at that!  How does one fight that?"  Power Girl is looking at the Harvester of Souls, a gigantic floating bearded head.  Power Girl grabs Odeox and hurls him at the Harvester and he disappears into on of the head's pores.  Harley asks what is it the Harvester actually does?  Harvest sorrow says Groovicus unhelpfully.

Vartox: "Harvester speaks the language of the mad.  He brings misery to entire solar systems planting seeds of hate so he can feed from the minds and bodies of all sentinent life."

Power Girl asks how they can stop it.  Groovicus and Vartox says they can't, "we're screwed" says Vartox.  "What's all this 'we' stuff?" asks Harley.  Give them the teleportation ring and they can go home.

The Harvester of Sorrow.

Vartox asks if they would abandon them in their darkest hour?  Harley says they saved him, they didnt sign on for overtime with "the space head up there".  But Power Girl says they are heroines, they don't run out on people and as she gives this inspiring speech, the Harvester blows them up.

A concussed Harley is revived by her Spirit Animal, not in fact a beaver, but a handsome man in dark glasses.  He encourages her to create a motorcycle using the Hard Light Gloves and she drives off inside the Harvester to fight it from the inside.

Harley attacks from within.

She is instantly attacked by minions, and a gummy substance is shot at her, and starts to cover her up.  She is turned into a giant jelly baby, while a recovered Power Girl and Vartox battle the Harvester outside.

Harvester: "You are now the property of the Harvester.  Please remain calm during the brain drain proceedure.  Subject's brain...bzzz...waves indicate ab-ab-abnormality.  Possible incompatibility with... zzzrrrrrr...possible contagion-n-n-n.  Potential... vir...vir... virus alert!Inzzzzzfection!

The Harvester takes on the face of the Joker.  Harley says it got into her head, and she got back into his, "an' with me came Mistah J".  As the Harvester starts to short circuit she jumps down, still a bit brain scrambled and rips off Vartox's moustache and throws it at Power Girl.

Harvest announces, "nucleus self destruction imminent" and Power Girl punches Vartox away for being about to say she was having her period, and carries Groovicus and Harley to safety as the Harvester explodes.

Oh Hell Yes.

Vartox returns and his moustache magically grows back.  Power Girl demands the teleportation ring like, now.  Vartox says he has it and goes down on one knee as it is also a wedding ring.  "Oh HELL no!" says Power Girl at this turn of events.

The final chapter shows the preparations for the Power Girl and Vartox wedding or as Harley puts it, "DC Entertainment Presents... The soon-to-be satirised cultural institution of mau-wage!"  The ceremony is being conducted by a giant blue Elvis impersonator alien.  Harley is crying and Vartox thinks she is jealous of his and Power Girl's love.

Harley: "Yeah, that, an' this is the last issue a' the mini-series an' there is still no Power Girl ongoin' book!"

Such a shame, and the DC Rebirth isn't going to be debuting her with one either.  Power Girl just wants the ceremony over with so they can get home.  But the descriptions of married love Elvis Alien is giving makes her turn and march off saying "forget it.  I'd rather walk back to my dimension".

Vartox says it is only a symbolic ceremony so she returns and says "skip to the end".  But Harley says she wants to do the "Ojection!" thing.  But saying that opens a portal up, "Umm, what's with this ostentatious opening?" Harley asks.  Then it sucks the three of them plus three purple cats that were wandering round Harley into an idealised American suburbia.

Vartox's family theme park.

Out of a house nearby a huge horde of kids comes running out shouting "Dad!" at Vartox.  The eldest introduces himself as Vartox Junior and says Power Girl looks like his mum, who is standing in the doorway of the house and says "Hello darling.  It's been a while" to Vartox.

Harley cracks open the popcorn and sits and watches things unfold with Vartox Junior next to her.  Power Girl thinks Vartox was creepy enough to seek her out in different universes and marry her and punches him into the house.  Then Vartox's Wife punches Power Girl calling her a "home wrecking hussy!"

Power Girl tries to explain to her that she just wants the teleportation ring, but Vartox's Wife punches her again saying "I... don't... care".  Then she zaps Harley with her eye-beams and as she chases after her, punches Vartox as well for good measure.  She finds Harley and the three purple cats bouncing on a trampoline.  Before she can hurt her, Power Girl smashes her into the ground and as she crawls out of the crater, Vartox's Wife is revealed to be a robot.

Robot Power Girl is not amused.

Harley yanks her brain cables out finishing her off, while Power Girl drags Vartox back having tied him up with steel girders.  "Vartox senses you're judging him" he says to the both of them.  Harley says she thinks having a family theme park is a great idea, which leads Power Girl to say that proves how crazy it is.

She releases Vartox and says "Portal. Now."  So he sadly opens it.  He starts making a speech about how much he loves Power Girl and how she stole his heart and... turns to find they left without listening to him.

They pop back out on Earth and the Clock King and Sports Master realise they are in big trouble now.  As Power Girl rips off her wedding dress, Harley declares it "an actual superhero cliffhanger".  And with that this silly, silly miniseries ends, the story continuing in Harley's own series.

And they're back home.

I really enjoyed this mini.  It's not big, it's not clever, but I had a big grin on my face as I read it.  It's bawdy and a little vulgar, full of double and single entendres and we see more objectified manflesh than we do female despite Power Girl's boob window.  The pairing of the super serious and super confused Power Girl with the wisecracking, freewheeling Harley Quinn is inspired.  Power Girl makes a fantastic straight-woman and her general diplomacy of punching things makes for an amusing running joke. I love the idea of setting a whole six issue miniseries full of rude jokes between the panels of an on-going series.  I've actually been tempted to check out Harley Quinn's solo series now, the writing team has impressed me that much here and based on volume one which I have read now, it's just as hilarious and anarchic (expect to see it on my blog later in the year).  Stephane Roux's art as I said in the intro, fits the tone perfectly, whether it is Harley's glee at finding another tool of destruction she can play with or Power Girl's eye rolling annoyance at yet another stupid situation that has developed, he really nails it every time.  Layouts are chaotic and the pacing hectic which is as exactly as it should be for a story like this.  It's bright, it's fun, and an absolute blast to read.  If you're even a fairweather Harley Quinn fan you should still read this. Great stuff.