Rat Queens Book 1: Sass And Sorcery (#1-5)

"Why is it that wherever there's a Rat Queen, someone gets assaulted or a building destroyed" - Sawyer

Let's stick with the sword n'sorcery theme for my next post for Ladies Month. So, if it wasn't already apparent, I am a massive nerd.  And one thing I really love is fantasy roleplaying games.  Because I don't live close enough to a place I can play pen and paper rpgs with friends, I stick with the console ones and am currently juggling Skyrim's dlc, Diablo 3, Arcana Gothic 4 and Sacred 2 in between breaks writing this post. I also had a four year addiction to World of Warcraft so there's that too. One of my favourite shonen anime series is "Fairy Tail" which tells the story of a fantasy realm where various guilds compete for jobs to do and quests to go on.  Rat Queens has a sort of similar premise.  It follows the misadentures of the titular group as they booze, brawl and battle in the fantasy city of Palisade.  The group is all female, there is Hannah the Rockabilly Elven Mage, Violet the Hipster Dawrven Fighter, Dee the Atheist Human Cleric and Betty the Smidgen Thief.  Anyone who has played a roleplaying game will be familiar with those classes although the caveats attached to some of them make them less stereotypical.  The Rat Queens are Palisade's premier troublemakers and have a somewhat dysfunctional relationship with each other, so join me as we are introduced to their world as presented to us by writer Kurtis J.Weibe and artist Roc Upchurch and the plots and plans that they get themselves wrapped up in.

It starts with a town meeting discussing the threat posed by the Rat Queens; an elf is agitated abut them destroying her storefront, another says "what do you expect when a bunch of young people get rich quick and have nothing to do but drink".  Then a man is tossed through the window and we see the Rat Queens with Hannah saying "Now that's what I call a bar brawl".

L to R: Betty, Hannah, Dee, Violet.

Later a man called Sawyer is handing out quest assignments.  He tells the Rat Queens that they had promised to keep their parties away from town so to make up, they have to do one of the quests, "and before you ask, no, you don't get to choose."

Sawyer: "If you fail in your task, you are hereby banned from Palisade forever. And I get to punch each and every one of you in the face on the way out."

The Rat Queens are to clear the goblins out of Hindman Cave.  "Peaches" get to sack a bandit camp. "Four Daves" to deal with the restless dead at the cemetary.  "Brother Ponies" to slay the one-armed ogre at Mulch Hill and "Obsidian Darkness" to clean the toilets at the Winding Pass Barracks.

As they leave, Hannah complains to Sawyer that Goblins never have any loot.   He tells her to keep the fighting outside Palisade if they want better jobs.   He says he can't vouch for them anymore and now "Mayor Kane wants you gone".  Hannah grumbles that they do keep to the town outskirts. Sawyer says they don't and "now you're more dangerous than the monsters".

One fuck is given to Peaches.

One of the members of Peaches taunts them about the fact they'll have loot and the Rat Queens won't.  Hannah gives her the finger.  She returns to the rest of the Rat Queens and says Sawyer won't be swayed. Violet says they can sit around bitching or make some monsters bleed, "And my sword is hungry for blood".  Elsewhere, Obsidian Darkness go to where they are to clean "your excrement hole" but a shadowy figure cuts them all to pieces.

Climbing the hill to the goblin lair Betty is grumbling that Hannah attacked Faeyri who was making out with Betty over an innocent comment.   Hannah says she started the brawl that got them out here.  Betty says she was sweet and intense and it was true, "Hannah does need to get laid." Violet responds that she thought, "the way you were going at it, I figured you were getting laid for all of us".

Dee says she never saw the right hook coming, "it was beautiful".  They stop to have lunch, Dee says "thank N'rygoth.  I'm starving".  Violet asks why she says that if she doesn't believe in any God. "Old habit" says Dee, "once a N'rygoth cultist, always a N'rygoth cultist".  Dee then says anti-grace:

Dee: "I, Dee.  A reformed acolyte from the blood drinking, squid worshipping sect of N'Rygoth will not lead us in prayer.  So for the love of his grotesque and misshapen ballsack, dole out the damn food."

Betty open the bag which contains candy and magic mushrooms.  The others are not pleased, but Betty says candy is awesome and doing mushrooms together is fun.

Don't mock the sweets and drugs diet. Works for me!

Hannah then gets a call via her magic rune covered stone.  It's her parents, she tells her mum to tell her dad she's in a "relationship with a Half-orc and we're ring shopping".  She hang up saying "that'll make him shit his pantaloons".  Dee is envious of her gadgets, but Hannah says:

Hannah: "No matter how amazing the relics I own may seem, just try to keep in mind that they're infused with the tortured souls of the dead by the hand of two seriously demented necromancers".

The arrive at the cave and Betty is sent inside to check for traps. As she searches she says to herself, "oh lovely Faeyri I will return to you!" Then she bumps into some boots. They belong to a black clad assassin who immdiately attcks them.  Hannah conjures up a shield spell, then Violet charges him.

They clash and blows are struck, the assassin manages to slice into Violet's shoulder, then Betty slides between his legs and buries two daggers in his back.  He kicks her away.  Hannah uses an offensive spell  on him but the assassin conjures up black tentacles from the ground. Violet slices into him and the tentacles recede.

A single ninja is always more deadly then 100 ninjas.

Both sides stand down.  Hannah demand to know who hired him.  The man unmasks and says now they are marked, they will be destroyed. He starts talking about "the shadow of the order" and "we are the voice of death" but he is cut short by a troll crushing him under its huge club.

Violet yells at Hannah as to how the troll managed to sneak up on them, "you're the one with Elven eyes! Elven eyes!" Hannah shouts back that her mother is near-sighted and she is just the product of familial traits.  She supposes Violet loves dwarven ale because she's a dwarf.  Violet says she only drinks wine, also there are many types of dwarven beer.  Betty asks if they can "stow the racial slurs for now?  Giant troll just made man mash."

Violet says they hould form up for "the Betty Climber", Hannah says no way and starts "the White Screamer". She begins to cast a spell but the troll grabs her arm and snaps it gorily, then tosses her aside shouting "NEXT!" So they do the Betty Climber which involves Violet climbing on-top of Dee usuing her blades to climb its body, then Dee catapaulting Betty who grabs the sword left by Violet and flips onto its head before stabbing it in both eyes.

Time for the Betty Climber!

The troll falls and Betty stand holding her two daggers with troll eyeballs on them and says she has two fresh spell components for Hannah.  Dee attends to Hannah's injury, she snaps the arm back together and heals it with a spell.  Violet says they now have some business to attend to in Palisade, "uncover who exactly wants us dead".

Elsewhere Peaches have had two of their members killed by another mysterious man in black. Braga jumps out from behind cover tossing a cart wheel when Tizzie fires off a spell.  The man in black hits Braga with some magic arrows much to her annoyance, "you put an arrow in my favourite boob, fuckwit!"  And she cleaves the man in half.  She collapses and Tizzie holds her as she appears to die.

The Rat Queens are bemoaning their lack of cash, apart from Dee who says she's not sharing her savings with them. They come across Tizzie and Braga.  Violet tells Dee to check for survivors.  While she does so, Tizzie tells them they walked into a set-up like the Rat Queens did.  "I wonder who had the means and desire to organise this" ponders Hannah. The answer she believes is Mayor Kane.

Braga, she is also made of awsome.

Dee finds that Braga is still alive and heals her, but the other two members are beyond saving. "Part of the job.  No one lives forever" says Tizzie "Especially with you as leader" snarks Hannah.  Tizzie says she'll conjure  thorn bush in Hannah's asshole. Hannah says she'd summon a tree in Tizzie's "but I'm pretty sure there's a giant fucking stick up there already!" And they start fighting until Violet reminds them they have more important things to worry about.

Later they are honouring the dead at the tavern.  The Four Daves come in, they all made it, but they haven't seen anyone else. The Daves say they were ambushed by a powerful assassin as well.  Now everyone at the table is "all that's left of Palisade's adventuring parties".

Hannah: "Well then, who's ready to burn this shit-stain town to the ground?"

Later they are ambling down the main street singing rude songs where they are confronted by Lady Bernadette who says she is going to call the town watch. They carry on to where Sawyer is, Hannah tells him to move, they know Mayor Kane is trying to kill them.  Sawyer tells them to go home and sleep it off and talk about it when they are more sober.

Morning fruit.

Violet says he's right and pulls Hannah away, Hannah says she'll be back.  Next morning Betty wakes up hungover while Violet prepares sliced fruit for breakfast.   Betty asks where Hannah is, Violet says she left early. "To kill the Mayor?" says Betty.  "Ohhhh probably" responds Violet.  We then cut to Sawyer walking through the townhall, he opens the Mayor's office door and there is Sawyer. "Ahhh... fuck buckets" says actually-Hannah-disguised-Sawyer.

The next chapter begins with Hannah in jail and Sawyer sat outside her cell chatting with her. He says inpersonating him is a new low. She says she wasn't going to do anything to the mayor.  He says he thought he knew her, she says she's the same as she always was, "I can't help if you made me out to be someone I wasn't".

Irritably he says he's getting tired of her act and is of a mind to let her stew there for a while until she learns something. "I went to university I know everything" retorts Hannah.  She then lays out the facts that someone hired assassins to wipe out all the adventuring parties.  Sawyer says but he gave out the quests he could have done it, but Hannah scoffs and calls him a "man puppy".

He goes on to tell them that everyone who got a quest got them from an outside source the mayor wasn't involved with. Sawyer then says to Hannah:

Sawyer: "And since I know you're going to resolve this matter on your own terms no matter what I say, just do one thing for me please... don't kill everybody and run our streets red with blood."

Then he changes the subject and ask how she's been.  She says not much, killed a troll.  They share a laugh over it then get awkward over the sudden intimacy.  Then he lets her go saying he's glad she made it out alive and to try and keep things peaceful with the merchants guild.

We then cut to Betty arriving at a house holding a bunch of flowers.  Faeyri opens the door, and they have a chat. Faeryi tells her she was having a great time until her friend who can't take a joke showed up.  Betty apologises.  Faeryi says she's "moved on from the crazy, bar brawling era of my life".  She just doesn't want the extra drama in her life and she kisses Betty saying "When you understand what I mean, I'll be around".  She shuts the door and Betty leaves sadly.

Crushed.

She returns to the team's house where they are practising in the training room.  They fill Betty in on what's happening and she realises they want her to break into the merchant's building.  Betty and Dee then go to the merchants guild, there they meet one of the members of the guild.  Dee tells him they have amassed considerable savings and are interested in partnering with them in a new business interest.

Dee then asks what they could offer, he tells them there would be a connection to the sea trade, foreign markets and absolute loyalty and funding for an expansion of business or simple maintenance "at very reasonable rates".  Betty grabs him and says his rates are too high.  When he says he hadn't given them any numbers, Betty says he's not willing to negociate, so she and Dee leave.  As they do do, Betty jumps on Dee's back and Dee tell her, "Betty, you are by far the strangest Smidgen I've ever met."

Violet is busy hacking up training dummies when a red bearded dwarf comes up and tells her that her form is "sloppy".  When she tell him it's good enough for killing monsters he says that's "disappointing".   Violet snaps she's finding meaning in her life and how did he find her?  He says "you've been on this foolish journey of self discovery long enough".  He wants to know where her beard is, where is her respect for tradition?  Then they get into a sword fight with each other.

Violet takes on her brother.

It ends with Violet hitting the dwarf's sword so hard it shatters.  The others arrive and ask if they want his ass beaten into the ground.  The dwarf can't believe she left everything "for this? For them?" She finally gives him a name, "no Barrie.  I left for me.  Now.. go away"  As he leaves, the others ask who he was:

Violet: "Oh... you know... just the most important person in my life... Barrie Blackforge... my twin brother".

They all get together round a table to discuss what they discovered at the merchant's guild.  Betty says it wasn't them who ordered the killings.

She says from the seawater stains on his scroll he had only arrived back this morning.  His Jade charm is super-rare, found a two week journey away.  He'd stopped wearing his wedding ring recently.  The window in his office is trapped, impossible to disarm, from the outside, "even for me". And behind his painting he has something secret hidden.

Dee says so the head merchant was away when this happened, but what did the wedding ring thing mean?  Betty says he was just sad, "people can get so lost sometimes". Hannah wants to know how they'll get into his trapped office, and fortunately Betty swiped the key as they left.

Later that night she sneaks into the merchants office. She opens a secret cupboard to fnd a bunch of contracts.  She find one for Bernadette who owns the store they smashed up and has had to take out a large loan to cover it.  Betty muses that "us Queens are kinda sorta responsible for that fifty gold loan". She leaves the merchants guild and arriving at Bernadette's shop she is attacked by an assassin who Bernadette commands "that you kill them to fucking death this time.  You can start with her".

Sawyer has mysterious past, ooooh.

Betty is beaten up, falling at the feet of Sawyer.  Bernadette shouts at him saying, "If you'd just...done your job Sawyer!  This wouldn't have been necessary".   Sawyer draws his sword and cuts down the assassin who recognises him from the past.  Betty says that was amazing.  "Now you know why I'm captain of the guard" says Sawyer.  He arrests Bernadette, and Betty says she'll keep his secret regarding the assassin knowing him. Betty says "we've all got secrets, Sawyer believe it or not".

Bernadette starts ranting that people will not accept "the boorish antics of those despicable mercenaries forever".  She says she's not the only one who's noticed the Rat Queen's criminal immunity.  She says she gives two shits about the town as it's destroyed around them. Her arrest will be a rallying cry and her store will stand "proud and strong". Then something large lands on the three of them.

They stand and Betty says the Rat Queens "had nothing to do with that random sky ball".  Sawyer asks a guard what's happening. Palisade is under attack, "something about blood vengeance against the Rat Queens".  Sawyer points his sword at Bernadette and says he can find her wherever she runs to.  The rest of the Rat Queens arrive on the scene and Betty fills them in.

A troll comes to Palisade.

Outside the city walls is an army of trolls and orcs.  The leader bellows "you cunts killed my boyfriend!" Sawyer asks what they want.  The troll responds "send out the piss gobblers and we won't smash this town to rubble". Violet thinks they should hand themselves over, while Betty says it was Bernadette's fault they were at the cave in the first place.

Violet says they are a threat to the town, she says she is going to face the troll "do something good for a change". Then Braga appears and says, "Orcs only know one language.  Blood.  I'm the fucking alphabet."  Violet says that's a great line.  Braga grabs Betty to watch her back.  Then leading the charge she rushes out and starts hacking orcs up.  They recognise her and two of them says "It's her... we're fucked."

A lengthy and bloody battle commences, limbs are chopped offf, heads removed, orcs are peppered with arrows.  But sheer numbers of orcs starts to wear them down and Violet takes a blade to the gut.  Hannah uses a spell to clear the immediate area but more swarm in.  Then the troll hurls a boulder at the town walls and creates a hole.  But then help arrives in the form of The Four Daves.  "Ready to die honourably?" says their leader.

As the fighting carries on Bernadette starts to pack to leave town.  The head merchant finds her and says she told him "this assassination silliness" wouldn't come back to him and he loaned her the gold in good faith. She says it had "nothing to do with you Gerrig".  But Gerrig says he is calling in his debt and grabs her by the throat.

Things are looking bleak...

Outside the orcs are briefly distracted by the illusion of a naked lady orc and get murderised.  Sawyer's guards fire arrows into the troll.  Hannah's staff runs out of power just as an orc attacks. Violet hurls her sword and takes the orc down but then gets an arrow through the throat. Dee runs to her, and Hannah in a rage uses two wands to slash and stab and zap several orcs.

Betty pleads for someone to save her friends.  One of the Daves picks Violet up and carries her away.  With Braga still enthuiastically killing and the help of the rest of the Daves the orcs break and begin to flee.  Hannah is facing down the troll alone.  The troll brings down her club, Hannah uses her wands to cast a spell.  It causes the club to reverse direction and smack the troll in the face.  With the troll downed she casts another spell that explodes messily.  Then Betty comes and gets her saying it's over.

Braga tells one of the Daves he's sexy when he's killing stuff. He responds "I think you take the sexy killing cake, Braga.  Damn".  Braga then tells Hannah she did nice work on the troll.  Hannah says she had it coming "no one calls my friends cunts but me".

Later at their house, Violet is in bed.  Dee says they used every drop of healing on her.  Hannah thanks Dave for helping get her to safety.  She notes he has bluebirds in his beard.

Dave: "Yeah, I know.  Happens whenever I heal someone.  Pops called 'em the buebirds of healing, my beard is their magical home".

Dee decides she is going after Bernadette and Hannah says she'll come.  Betty says they shouldn't and Sawyer said he'd handle it.  But Hannah and Dee want revenge.  Violet then comes too, "nothing like a brush with death to... make you realise what you really want..."  And what she wants is for them to leave Bernadette alone and second she wants a party tonight, she wants to get drunk and high and have sex with orc Dave.  "They can happen in any order or all at once" she says.

But they won so partay!!

So that night they have a big party. Violet ponders regrowing her beard.  Dee is hiding behind a book.  Hannah and her friend are playing around with a magical bong and Betty is serving cocktails.  Faeryi appears and holding Betty's chin, smiles and asks her to "show me what you got."  Violet is snogging Dave with the bluebirds in his beard.  She says he's hers tonight, he asks if she should get rid of the birds, she says no and "shut up and let's go."

Sawyer shows up to talk to Hannah.  He says they checked Bernadette's place and found all the evidence they needed.  But she has disappeared and he doesn't think it was by choice, "sorry you aren't going to get the resolution you're hoping for".  Hannah then asks if they can get drunk until they puke for old times sake?

The book then ends with a flashback of Dee leaving her devout family and then back in the present with Gerrig giving a speech to a bound and gagged Bernadette.  He says he's been traveling the world in search of an answer to the suffering inside him.  An emptiness his wife filled before she was taken from him.  He's found something, now he needs to understand it.  Bernadette is going to help.  He wants to practice everything so the person who took her from him suffers as he's suffered, "Sawyer Silver will regret the day he murdered my wife".

Dee's departure and discovery of a mysterious document connected to it.

This book was a lot of fun and also a testemant to how important bricks and mortar comic stores still are.  If I hadn't been browsing the offers section of my local Travelling Man, I'd never have come across this little gem.  As I said in the intro I am a huge fan of fantasy roleplaying so a comic that plays around with various fantasy gaming tropes is right up my street.  Then four main characters are well drawn and very different from each other and it's always enjoyable seeing women get to be drunken, bawdy roustabouts.  The dialogue and jokes are funny, the art is a little rough round the edges but gets the job done and I especially like the design work of each of the four Rat Queens.  Other characters like Sawyer are well drawn, but really the focus is on the four women, with plenty of hints dropped for exploration in further volumes (there are apparently two more, then the comic went on hiatus in 2016 for a while for, well, reasons.... take it to the comments people).  My favourite character is Betty, not just because she's a lesbian but I like her intuition like her Sherlock Scan of Gerrig in his office which paid off on the final page.  Of the four Dee was a little sidelined so I hope she gets some focus in later volumes which I shall definitely be buying and writing up here.  Once again Image comics gives us a confident comic with great female characters, how different from how they started out.  Good stuff all round.

Red Sonja Book Two: The Art Of Blood And Fire (#7-12, #0)

"Red Sonja does not 'pout', is that clear?" - Red Sonja

I'm still a relative newcomer to the Church Of Gail Simone, but I have become an enthusiastic convert and am going to keep preaching a lot of good stuff about her work now and in the future.  Actually she's an atheist so she doesn't have a church.  And I'm an atheist as well, so I wouldn't preach even if she did.  Huh, that was a stupid way to start my post, forget I said it. Start again.  Well, this is book two in Simone's reboot of Red Sonja, shorn of the more dodgy aspects of her original story (rape, only sleeping with men who best her in combat etc) we get a bawdy, vulgar, bisexual, fierce and totally awesome woman warrior, who travels in search of cash, sex and booze but in this collection is going to find herself on a mildly epic quest that will take her to some interesting places and have her meeting some fascinating people along the way.  The first book was pretty dark as it looked at the bleak events that hammered her into becoming such a fearsome fighter.  This storyline is somewhat lighter in tone although it still has some serious moments and sharp observations hidden under a more humourous layer.  The art of Walter Geovani also adds immeasurably to the series, it's crisp, clean, impeccably paced and choreographed and the colourist has helped it along by keeping a slightly muted look to it giving more of a down and dirty fantasy sheen. This collection also contains a hilarious zero issue, although it's by a different artist and the artwork while decent in of itself, is no match for Geovani's fine work.  So let's get stuck in.

We begin with Sonja trudging through a marsh mentally bemoaning the fact she has been searching this unpleasant area for four days.  She smells like a "latrine attendant" and:

Sonja: "I am in ill humour.  Parched, starving and randy.  I need wine.  Lots of it. I need hot food.  And not to put too finer point on it, I need someone to fill my bedroll.  I'm not particular.  As long as they're limber".

And that is pretty much this version of Red Sonja's mission statement! She decides to make camp and catches and kills a rabbit to eat.  She dozes off by the fire she is cooking it on and wakes up to find a man and a woman aghast at her cooking.

They scold her for it being half burnt and half raw and has no seasonings, Sonja says "it's meant to fill my belly... I'm not one for complications".  She offers them some, then tells them they both look limber...  As she talks she realises they have her knife and sword, "I really must learn to sleep more prudently".  The pair tell her she has intruded into their home. Sonja says they are "inbred, swamp dwelling murderers... rumor is that you are cannibals and sexual deviants.  Pleased to meet you".

Bogman gets some EyeScream.

Then another Bogman jumps her from behind, she jams the stake with the rabbit on it into his eye socket and kills him.  The other two are outraged and say they know why she is here, "you seek Gribaldi.  You seek the chef!"  Then they attack her and she beats them down reclaiming her weapons.  Then we get a flashback to one week ago.

She is in a city watching slaves build a mausoleum, she speaks with the King who summoned her to go on a quest for him.  He is dying and wants to go out with the best party ever.  He wants her to find "a courtesan, a stargazer, a swordsman, a beastmaster and most importantly - a chef".  If she refuses the quest, one thousand slaves will be buried alive and incarcerated with him in his tomb.

King Samala.

Back with Sonja in the swamp, she is punting a boat to the place where the rest of the tribe is.  She is outnumbered and gives up without a fight and they say they are going to have her cooked and eaten.  She is handed over to Gribaldi, who sends the rest away so he is alone with Sonja. He tells her the Bogmen are idiots but they are also gourmands. He admits to her that he doesn't cook the humans they give him, he found a nest of reptile eggs and cooks them instead.  He marinates them in ale first, "a delight!"

Sonja: "You... you put... you put food... In a barrel of delicious Cimmerian beer? You monster."

He tries to tickle her tastebuds with some soup, but Sonja is not impressed, "it's water and burnt weeds and roots. It means nothing to me."  Then suddenly the grown reptile people attack. Gribaldi frees Sonja and she reclaims her weapons again. 

Sonja and Gribaldi escape.

She fights some of the reptile men then stops and Gribaldi apologises, but the reptile men don't understand.  Sonja takes Gribaldi and they make their getaway because the reptile men have found the cannibal Bogmen and are snacking on them.  As Sonja and Gribaldi leave via boat Sonja comments, "...they were murderers and kidnappers.  Let's just hope they're also filling".

Four days later Sonja and Gribaldi are riding together in search of their next addition.  Gribaldi has been doing Sonja's head in with his unending stream of foodie talk and she also is suffering due to other "hungers" that need to be fed. Finally she can suffer no longer and at camp that night she wakes Gribaldi up.  She need nookie and she needs it NOW.  He is vaguely horrified by her directness, she say "you can think of veal the whole time if you like, only hurry up would you?"

He says it's outrageous, what if she's not his type. "I'm Red Sonja" she says, "I'm everybody's type".  He tell her she's a tad whiffy and she agrees, but asks if he can overlook it, "are you going to make me say please?"

Gribaldi: "Well what if I... what if I want to be romanced?"

This is too much for Sonja, she gives up and goes back to sleep grumbling as she does so.  He tries to make it up to her next day with "quail breast poutine with..." she interrupts him demanding to know why he announces each dish like "it's of royal lineage?"  She eats it anyway.

They arrive at the city where "Kalayah The Great" is putting on his animal show.  Sonja is not going to recruit him, she is going to slit his throat and watch him bleed out.  Later they sit in the audience and Kalayah starts the show - "wild bear versus hunting dogs!"  As Gribaldi watches in utter horror, the dogs tear into the bear. 

The horrific animal show.

Grimly Sonja tells him the bear is taken as a cub after its mother is killed, raised kindly so it forgets its instincts until it is sent into the arena to die.  The dogs are starved and shown no affection and have to kill and eat a puppy every few days then given nothing to eat for days before the festival.  She draws an arrow and fires it, not at Kalayah but at the mortally wounded bear putting it out of it's misery.

For this kindness Sonja and Gribaldi are thrown into a dungeon cell. Sonja asks him why he did not bargain his way out, he easily could have.  He says she saved him in the swamp, "I am no fighter.  but neither does that make me a coward".  Sonja notes this bravery, then clambers on his shoulders to loosen a wooden bar to their cage, unfortunately Kayalah was expecting this and stamps on her hand.  Then he tells her he remembers her threat to kill him and as they speak awful noises come from the arena, he had the tendons of her horses cut and then them tossed to the dogs.

She grabs his foot and tells him she will have her revenge, "from this side of the grave... or next".  He tells her she'll die in the morning and departs.  Sonja say to Gribaldi when they come for them "Fight.  Don't kneel.  Don't beg.  Fight."  Gribaldi asks her "I don't suppose from now 'til morning is enough time to make me a fearsome warrior?"  Sonja finds this gallows humour amusing.

Rat to the rescue?

Then suddenly a teenage girl called Rat appears and sets them free.  She works for Kalayah, but he beats her every day and worst of all he enjoys hurting and killing the animals.  The beasts don't do Kalayah's bidding, they are befriended by and love Rat.  Sonja says it's not her fault, she is a child.  Rat then leads them to the arena where Kalayah and some gaurds are waiting.  Gribaldi shouts at Rat for leading them to their deaths like the animals she claims to love.  Sonja says she had no choice.  Rat runs off crying "I am.  I am a betrayer!"

And she runs to the cages and opens them,  all the animals pour out and Kalayah has his arm torn off by a bear and the guards killed.  Kalayah begs Sonja for mercy but she lets the dogs tear him apart. Rat kneels sayng she must now die for her sins.  

Sonja refuses, "The Emporer asked for a Beast Lord.  And a Beast Lord he will get, Rat the Magnificent.  But a Lord deserving of the beasts who love her".  Rat rises and the bears and tiger happily join in for a group cuddle.

A happy conclusion.

Sonja's next recruit is to be a courtesan.  Having left Gribaldi, Rat and the animals ensconced in an inn she has ridden out  to a fancy brothel where, thanks to her chainmail bikini, she is initially mistaken for a new worker.  Once that confusion is cleared up, she is then mistaken for a customer.  She is introduced to a room full of male and female sex workers who immediately begin to fuss around her and her lust takes over.

Poor Sonja, always frustrated.

Unfortunately when the brothel madam discovers she has no cash on her  poor old lusty Sonja gets hurled bodily out of the place and lands in a muddy puddle.

Sonja:  "Curse me for a fool.  A bit of abstinance and I become a lovesick child."

She climbs the buildings walls and makes her way around until she finds a guard who she forces out of the location of "the princess of pillowing" from. Her name is "Aneva" and Sonja enters through her window.

And is struck dumb by how beautiful Aneva is.  "I normally look much nicer" says Sonja lamely.  Internally she is freaking out, the room is for the kind of woman she was never meant to meet or become.  She tells Aneva that if she comes to the dying king's party he will triple whatever she desires.  Aneva says she has work here and must refuse. She wishes to stay and start a guild for courtesans, they are ripped off and brutalised by the leader of a nearby garrison, Captain Ferox and she wishes to make sure he never ruins another life.

Aneva.

Sonja kneels and says that the lives of the slaves are in the balance and Aneva, being "a princess of true and kind sort", agrees to come with her.  When Sonja introduces herself, Aneva has heard of her. Then the guards come in and Sonja attacks.  But Aneva breaks the fight up and Sonja realises they just love her and want to protect her.  The Madam tells Aneva that Ferox will chase her and Sonja agrees to protect her with her life and blood.

They ride out and later Sonja goes fishing.  She returns and watches Aneva doing her make-up.  She wonders to herself that if her tribe had not been killed, if she had not become The Devil, would she be like Aneva?  Then Aneva spots her and offers to pretty Sonja up. Sonja says no, but Aneva can be "awfully persuasive" and an hour later she is made-up and in a nice purple frock. Sonja looks at herself in the mirror and freaks out thinking to herself:

Sonja: "This is a Sonja who died with her tribe at the hands of marauders when she was ten years old.  This is a Sonja who can never be... I let my foolish vanity cause me to forget that we are hunted."

The horse is shot with an arrow and up rides Captain Ferox with a few soldiers.  Ferox sarcastically says Aneva shames him, he who has protected her from all harm.

Even in a pink frock Sonja kicks butt.

She accuses him of atrocities and he admits, yeah I did that and so?  Then he asks Sonja her name, calling her a "delicate toy". When she says "Red Sonja" they all laugh and when Ferox calls for the lash to instill some obediance, Sonja draws her sword and says "It's time for training indeed."  And she takes down the soldiers thinking:

Sonja: "Fancy dress or no, face paint or no.  I am who I am.  Seems we all could do with a bit of reminding".

Ferox grabs Aneva while Sonja kills the soldiers. Then turns to find Ferox dead.  Aneva says he fell on his dagger.  When Sonja notes he has several stab wounds, Aneva drily states "he fell several times.  He really was an awkward fellow."

Sonja asks how she learned to defend herself like that.  Aneva says she is the Princess of the Art of Lovemaking but she is also "Toa of the Rhamoan Mountains".  She was born of peasants and worked since she walked and her brothers taught her to fight.  One day she saw a fancy woman carried by four men and realised "the farm was not for me".

But despite her luxurious lifestyle she thrilled to hear of Sonja's adventures and freedoms and would wonder to herself could she have been like Red Sonja, "in a different world.  Toa the brave. Toa the invincible. Rescuing damsels. Freeing slaves".  Hearing this Sonja says she will return her here and Aneva will get her guild, then apologises for making a mess of Aneva's hard work on her, "I'm afraid I wasn't meant to be beautiful."  Aneva embraces her saying "you are so wrong sister. You are more beautiful than the stars." Sniffle.

Versus Osric the Untouched.

Next up is the swordsman and it turns out to be a harder task than you'd think for Sonja. Before we see that though we are treated to the Emporer saying to a lackey that he's going to renege on his promise to Sonja even if she completes her task. What a surprise.  Anyway we return to Sonja and she is kneeling in the mud, mad as hell as she fights top swordsman "Osric the Untouched". "You disappoint me" he says as she clambers up.  She is tired, hungry and enraged as she is having a public duel with him and losing.

Sonja: "But I am Sonja.  I am the curse of Hyrkania. And I am getting humiliated."

She charges at him and misses and he spanks her on the arse with his sword as she passes him which makes her madder still.  She argle bargle's at him and runs at him again, tripping and face planting in the mud.   Aneva is still with her and runs to her aid saying she doesn't understand how she could be losing.

Aneva says she'll call the watch. Sonja says "don't you dare" and gets up for another go at Osric and humliatingly trips over her own feet. We then get a flashback to when Aneva and her first met with Osric.  They rode into his camp and like a gentleman he welcomed them and invited them for a meal. She makes the offer of great riches from the King if he comes to the party.  He's more interested in the fact Red Sonja has come to see him and throws a great feast for her.

At the meal she whispers a dirty suggestion in his ear as she is still starved for sex.  But Osric has to refuse, "if it's absolutely neccesary... I'd been willing to bathe first" she offers.  But he says he's taken a vow, he won't sleep with anyone until they defeat him in battle.  Take it away Sonja.

Nice bit o'meta Gail.

He says that's as maybe but "my lover has been my blade.  My companion. My wife".  Then he asks her why the party is important to her.  She tells him about the slaves, so he says he'll have a public duel with her and come if she wins. We return to the present with Sonja lying in the mud and Aneva standing over her holding her sword to defend her.  "What heart she has" Sonja thinks as she staggers to her feet.  Osric declares the duel over.

Sonja can't believe it and sadly kneels thinking how she has failed the slaves and now they will all die.  She turns to Aneva as says to her:

Sonja: "There is a distinct possibility water might come from my eyes Aneve.  Please turn away."

Aneva kneels in the mud with her and holds her saying "Never. Never". The mournful pair go to the local tavern to collect themselves.  Aneva tries to make excuses for her, that she was tired and hungry.  But Sonja says she has fought and won battles under worse conditions. She asked why Aneva defended her and Aneva says it is because she is a hero.  Sonja says "ridiculous.  I drink.  I fight.  I bed.  Ridiculous".

Aneva gets cross and slaps Sonja's drink away saying Osric does not care about the lives of those slaves whereas Sonja risks her very life to defend them. Her saying this gives Sonja a brainwave and she realises how she can use her brain and Osric's exact words to defeat him and leaves to find him again.

Rules said nothing about using fists.

He comes out of his tent saying he already defeated her as she thinks "Sonja cares nothing for sparring and jousting for entertaining throngs.  Sonja fights for blood.  When neccesary.  And when that happens... Sonja becomes a Goddess."  She sheathes her sword and punches Osric hard in the face and starts pummeling him.

She shouts at his prone body that he was given a gift and only uses it to fight when there is no danger to him.  He rises with fury in his eyes and charges him.  He misses and she spanks his bum with her sword.  He yells she can't do this, and she says she can, "You sir.  Are touched".  He realises he has lost and graciously surrenders.  He kneels and kisses her sword agreeing to join her.  Then he asks that as she has defeated him does she want to...?  She refuses, "...Sonja the invincible needs a nap it turns out."

The next chapter begins with our team relaxing around a campfire while Sonja is off collecting firewood. A group of bandits comes upon them and start making threats which the gang laugh off much to the cut-throats confusion.  Then Sonja returns and says to them:

Sonja: "I'll give you one chance nightsneak.  Leave.  Or feel the full brunt of my inhospitable nature".

They don't take a hint and a fight breaks out.  Several bandits are killed and the rest flee in fear.  The only casualty on the side of our heroes is Gribaldi's soup.  He takes it hard.  Sonja muses how she understands people like those bandits, but tommorrow "I go to face two of the very things that actually do cause my heart to skip a beat".

They arrive at the temple where the Stargazer is to be found. Sonja remembers that her village has a small wooden temple and the holy men talked to gods made of sticks.  What kind of gods is she going to face in a place as grand as this?  She thinks:

Sonja:  "Are my gods as humble and savage as my tribe?  For the first time in my bloodstained life... I am afraid."

The priests at the door hand robes to Sonja and Aneva saying "the women must cover their shameful flesh".  Sonja thinks that she never thought of her clothes as shameful until asked to cover them and now, "I feel vastly more exposed."  she can't wait to leave and "be Sonja again".

Sonja is not too proud to beg.

The priests call her a "slattern" and tell her not to look the rector in the eye when she talks to him.  Osric gets pissed at how disrespectful they are being, but is told the place is surrounded by bowmen so put up and shut up.  They reach the rector and Sonja bows on her knees to him and tells him about the King and his need for a Stargazer. The freedom of the slaves is of no consequence to the Rector.

He then decides to quiz Sonja.  He asks what she is called, when she tells him he says "yes, the colour of a woman's sin".  He also says he has heard she is called "The Devil" and that she delights in luring "good, virtuous men into sin with your flesh".  She says she is "as God made me, priest".  Then she asks for the Stargazer Plaitius.

The Rector says the man is a heretic who has defied the church and is being scourged until he breaks.  Then he'll be scourged again and burned alive to please the gods.  Sonja decides to appeal to his wallet and says the King will give them gold in return for him.  The Rector says, very well, if Plaituis recants he can go free with them, so he is brought up to see them.

But though he is in a pitiful state he refuses to recant, Sonja pleads with him saying he doesn't even need to mean it, but he still refuses and is taken back to the dungeons.  But he allows Sonja, Aneva and Osric to go and talk to him in his cell.  Sonja asks him if he is not afraid:

Plaitius: "They are going to torture me to death. I am so terrified I can barely stand.  I spent most of today trying not to piss myself." 

Sonja mentally sympathises, she remembers her time in the pit in book one. She pleads again to recant.  He asks her a question, what shape is the world?  Sonja says it is the shape of a map and at night Mitra himself rolls the parchement up.  So Plaitius tells him his heresy, he believes the world to be round.

Plaitius lays out his "heresy".

He asks her has she not noticed during an eclipse the shadow is a disc and do ships not travel over the edge of the great seas only to return undamaged and if you gain altitude can you not see more land?  Sonja says "that is nonsense.  You are mad!"  He goes on to say the world orbits the sun, Aneva thinks his wounds have addled his mind.  Sonja says even if this was true, why won't he recant?

Plaitius:  "Because I love something more than my life mistress.  Doesn't everyone?"

Sonja has respect for him, for raising his voice when he knew what the cost would be.  She decides there and then that Plaitius is coming with them, guards and lack of weapons not withstanding.

The torturer comes back in and Sonja breaks his nose before ripping off the robe she was made to wear.  Then they face the guards and Osric who still has his sword takes on a group of them. They fight their way to the Rector's private chamber and Sonja kicks the door down.  She tells him they are leaving with Plaitius and he will not stop them.  The Rector bellows why would he allow "a heretic and a whore" to leave?

Sonja shouts that he knows why it is because despite the guards and the stone walls, he is nothing but a coward.  And this hits the Rector hard.  Head bowed he tells the guards to let them go and as they leave Sonja thinks to herself:

Sonja: "And so Sonja will be afraid of temples no more.  No more and never again. Thank you Stargazer.  Thankyou".

The final chapter begins.  Sonja needs a dancer fast, she has one day left and goes charging into an inn where Rukaua is performing.  She barges in, ready for a fight, but the people there have heard of her quest and are only to happy to help her.  This leads to the following page as Sonja reluctantly indulges Rukaua's fantasy of being rescued by a strong warrior. Heee!

This page makes me very happy.

Returning to the King's palace she introduces them as "the six most transcendent artisans in all the known world.!" Then introduces them one by one and tells King Samala that they will make his death party something special.  He pauses much to Sonja's fear that he might renege.  Then he hugs her saying "you have brought all I have wished for" she can also call this place home if her wandering days become over. Then it's time to party.

Sonja relaxes in a lovely bath attended by men and women and starts to ask them to see to her "other" needs when Aneva rushes in saying "I have nothing to wear!"  The King's second-in-command, the Overseer, appears saying they can supply clothes and Sonja, once again left frustrated gets out of the bath but tells the attendents to remember where they were.

Then as Aneva and Sonja are given beautiful dresses to wear, she asks where the others are.  Aneva tells her Plaitius is reading the stars, Rat is caring for her beasts. Rukaua is constantly practising and Gribaldi is fussing over the food preparation.  Sonja is being bothered by something she can't put into words.  Then calls in the Overseer who has been watching them.  The Overseer admits that Samala is not going to honour his agreement regarding the slaves.  He says if she doesn't oppose him she will be showered with gold, titles, lands and nobility.  Sonja responds:

Sonja: "The Emporer is a great lord, Overseer. A ruler of men.  The King of the Golden City.  While I may be no more than a peasant playing dress up for a moment.  But I am Hyrkanian.  We keep our word.  So with a peasants heart... the Emperor can go $^%$ himself"

She hears the Overseer sigh and wonders if he is a good man put in an awkward postion.  She starts fighting the guards but is quickly overwhelmed and put in a prison cell.  Samala comes and taunts her and then drops the bombshell that her six friends will join him in death too.

Samala is a dick.

The party begins without Sonja.  Rukaua is dancing for him and Gribaldi brings him delicous food.  He asks for the astronomer and the whore. Aneva sits on his lap and Plaitius is commanded to tell his fortune.  Rat has found Sonja in prison and using a gorilla breaks her out of there.  Meanwhile the Emporer has found a knife on Aneva and accuses her of wanting to cut his throat.

He throws her to the floor and when Gribaldi rushes to her side she tells him Samala means to kill them all.   Then Osric appears and begins fighting his guards. Rat and Sonja arrive at the battle and Rat uses a hawk to dive and attack.  Aneva gets stuck into the fighting too but Sonja, back-to-back with Osric admits they are outnumbered.  Osric says "it has been my honour to fight beside you.  Sonja the invincible."

Then Gribaldi shouts to everyone to stop. He says he has poisoned the Emporer and Samala dies coughing his guts out on the floor. Rukaua finishes his dance, "did I miss something?"  The Overseer takes command and tells Sonja the slaves will not be killed, "I think he is a good man" muses Sonja as she gets ready to go.

Goodbyes are said.

Then it is time for an emotional farewell to her friends.  Rat wants to build an animal sanctuary, the others are going to stay to help the new Emporer.  Gribaldi and Aneva are now a couple and as Sonja embraces Aneva she thinks "If I don't leave... I may stay forever. I will miss them. My heart hurts a little".

She rides back to the brothel where she found Aneva and gives them a huge bag of gold. She gives it to the madam so they can start their guild.  And there is also money left over for Sonja to have a great time.

Sonja: "As for my wishes?  I'll take one of everything".

And Sonja FINALLY gets to scratch that itch.

At that brings the arc to a close.  There is a zero issue, which tells a humourous story of a man who pretends to have been married to her and tells a story where an idealised version of her is compared with the reality.  It's fun but throwaway stuff, the real meat is the story we have just had.  I love how much it fills out Sonja's character, she's brave, honourable, headstrong, cunning, proud of her humble origins and a good friend.  Probably my favourite chapter is the one where she finds Aneva and we get a reflection of a road not taken due to fate as well as how Sonja's exploits have fascinated and inspired other women like Aneva who also wonders if she could have had the life Sonja had.  But crucially they stay happy with the way things are and their friendship is lovely to see. Despite how dark it gets in places, it packed full of great jokes and humour.  The running gag of Sonja absolutely dying for a shag is well executed and funny stuff, you rarely see such blatantly sexual-without-being-sexualised female characters in comics.  Once again Gail Simone and Walter Geovani have given us a female character who is a fantasticaly nuanced individual and an absolutely compelling read as well.  There is one more volume of Simone's run on the character so watch this space...

Alan Moore Obscurities: Terra Obscura Book 2 (#7-12)

"I could have stayed in the jungle... but no not little old me.  I had to fall for a guy who likes adventures" - Pantha

This month I have decided to have another one devoted to comics which either have women as the main characters or playing a significant role in a mixed cast of men and women, a caveat I added so I could cover Book 2 of Terra Obscura.  A quick recap, this twelve issue series, split into two arcs spun out of a Tom Strong storyline which unfortunately due to cost issues I have not been able to get a hold of. The backstory is that Terra Obscura is an alternative Earth where the heroes ended up in suspended animation in the late sixties and were brought out of it thirty years later thanks to the combined efforts of Tom Strong and Tom Strange his Terra Obscura counterpart. The heroes are in fact public domain ones from the defunct Nedor comics stable that were in action during the forties and co-writers Alan Moore (plot) and Peter Hogan (script) have bought them into the 21st century with care and respect. In the first book they dealt with an attempt by the Egyption God Set to destroy all the technology of the world and turn the people into his slaves.  After this was sorted out using punching and diplomacy, the heroes decided to restart their old superhero team and so the "Society for Modern American Science Heroes" was reborn.   If you want to know more about the various heroes featured, their wikipedia page deals with both their Nedor and ABC era biographies and is a very interesting read.  This adventure brings a new character into the fold, Princess Pantha, who was Nedor's "Jungle Girl" character and spins a cool story of mysterious time anomolies and hi-jinks in outer space.  So let's continue with a second visit to Terra Obscura.

Tom and Pantha's first adventure.

 We start with Pantha and Tom Strange having a shared memory about having a moment back when they first teamed up in the jungle before her husband and Tom's friend found them.  In the present Pantha reflects on being asleep for thirty years and waking up to find her husband dead, she takes it in her stride while Tom seems sad.  Then she tell Tom they are supposed to be on a date, no wonder he gets maudlin living in a museum of his past exploits, "I think we should get out of here, and go for dinner somewhere French and frivolous".

They wander down through the house and Tom agrees that all the "souvenirs and trophies must be a little overwhelming" he didn't intend collecting them all they "just kind of washed up here".  Pantha says she only started aging again a couple of years ago and then strikes a pose saying she'll only admit to being "umpteen" years old.  Tom takes her down past a portrait of Tom Strong and his family, then a picture of Tom and Bob Benton - "The Terror" - when he was still human.  Tom says they were quite a team back in the day:

Tom: "We were both scientists, both idealists.  We thought we could perfect the world with a combination of grit and good old American know-how".

Pantha comments that the papers used to call them "the World's Best".  Tom says in the end they were only human and couldn't stop the alien that killed Bob and got the others out into suspended animation.  Tom said they did thanks to the Terror but now as a computer program he thinks he can still make the the world perfect and needs to be managed.

Then The Terror calls and gives Tom an update on whats happening, the most important being the something detected in space and the President wants S.M.A.S.H in the loop.  Tom tells Pantha the date has to be postponed but she says she's coming with him.  He decides he deserves a personal life so will drive there.  But his car has changed, it was a S.U.V now it is an old two seater.  "I had this monster in the late fifties...how the heck did it get here?" wonders Tom, Pantha says it's much cooler than what he usually drives, "this is to die for".  And off they go.

Diane and Carol partners in love and crime fighting.

We then cut to lesbian hero couple Diana "Ms.Masque" Adams and her girlfriend Carol "Fighting Yank" Carter battling "The Clock" in New Lancaster.   After a lot of clock puns and exploding clocks, Tim who was Bob Benton's sidekick and now works with the Terror drops down to give them a hand.  Diana and Tim lay into the henchemen Carol goes after The Clock.

With the henchmen dealt with, Tim says he'd still like to be friends with Diana even though she broke up with him. He invites her to dinner as Carol drags the unconcious body of The Clock towards them.  Tim leaves and when Diana tells Carol what he said, Carol is displeased. 

Diana: "No, he was trying to be nice but... I dunno there was something...cold about him.  Maybe he's trying to cover up how much I hurt him.  You think I should go?"

Then we return to Tom Strange and Pantha meeting with Senator Tallis. They are taken to a secret place to meet a man called The Oracle.  He's a man who can see into the fourth dimension and stay sane, at least until now.

Bryant's ship returns to the solar system.

They find an old man who says to Tom "ever since I saw that thing in space... why do I keep seeing the past?"  Then Tom is shown Hubble's photos of the object, it's like a spaceship but one twisted into a curved shape.  Undistorted it appears to be "the Thunderbolt.  This is Andrew Bryant's ship" says Tom.

Tom: "God only knows where he's been for the last forty-five years... but it looks like Captain Future has come back."

Then we get a TV news report about Captain Future's return into the solar system, in the years since he's been lost in space he was promoted to Colonel.

S.M.A.S.H are having a meeting about it.  Tom says the ship isn't responding to hails so his robots are building him a spaceship so he can fly out and meet him.  He's called the meeting to let them know he'll be off planet for a while and also time anomalies are occuring.  Carol and Peggy "The Woman in Red" discuss changing names but all the ones they have thought of are have are awful. Then the Green Ghost senses something unnatural.

Then the original S.M.A.S.H from the forties appear in the doorway, including a young Diana and Carol's dad still alive. They declare the modern S.M.A.S.H to be "Japanazi Imposters" and a punch-up commences.

Past and future meet up with fisticuffs.

Back at Diana and Carol's place, Diana picks up her messages.  The first is from Carol saying she looked dead to the world so she let her sleep in.  Then a message from Tim, who has a weird tick to his mouth saying it was nice to see her.  Diana messages back that she's coming to Invertica City in a day or so to stay with a friend and they can grab a bite and catch up. She switches the machine off and says to herself, "What are you doing, girl?"

Back at S.M.A.S.H headquarters a fullscale brawl is taking place between past and present.  Tom wants to sit down and talk, "so you can poison us with propaganda?" shouts Diana as she wrestles with him.  Carol tries to reason with her dad, but he punches her saying she can't be his daughter.  Finally The Green Ghost manages to convince his living past self that they are telling the truth, they are not enemies.  The Ghost tells everyone to stop fighting.  But then the past heroes just fade away.

Present day S.M.A.S.H nurse their wounds and wonder if this was an experiment with time travel they forgot. The Green Ghost doesn't think so, saying Captain Future never spoke during the battle, and he disappears to try and get to the bottom of it. Carol is feeling about fed up, "I just had a fight with my dad and girlfriend... and neither of them even recognised me.  It's kind of depressing".  Her jaw hurts and she just wants to go home.

Tom leaves and meets Pantha, his car has regressed again, Pantha comments "If this keeps up you'll be driving a Model T soon".  They get inside and he grins that he will soon be driving a brand new spaceship.  "Cool. When do we leave?" asks Pantha.  A short time skip and they are at the spaceship, Tom is telling Pantha "no" she can't come. 

Seduction of the Tom.

She says she knows why he doesn't want her to come, he took others into action and they died.  But she says she can look after herself, "I'm a big girl now".  Then she asks how long it has been since Tom last had sex.  He mumbles it's been a while, so he takes him by the arm and asks "where do you hide the bedrooms in this morgue?".

Carol returns home and tells Diana about the time travel fight, she tells Diana she looked cute as a teenager.  Diana says she looks cute now.  Then Carol spots Diana's bags and thinks she's leaving her.  But Diana reassures her she is only going to visit Invertica City and maybe see Tim for dinner, to make sure he's OK. 

Then we cut to Tim sitting in a chair surrounded by operating tools.  The top of his head is sawn off and reveals he's mechanical inside, and as he is operated on by the machines he orders flowers for his forthcoming dinner with Diana.

The real Tim revealed.

Over dinner with Diana, "Tim" recounts his adventures in the forties which has him slip and refer to "Tim and I".  Diana picks up on this saying doesn;t he mean "Bob and I?"  Not-Tim blames the bubbly, he also says his nervous twitch was fixed by needing a "dream" and he touches Diana's fingers.

Back with Tom he is up and very cheerful after a night of nookie with Pantha.  She finds him packing for the spaceflight and they embrace:

Tom: "I'd forgotten how good life can be... but having you here the last few days... I've remembered".

Then he hears a commotion from his dead friend Mike's old quarters.  More faces from the past are there including Mike and Tim all youthful and enthusiastic about helping Tom with this time twisting mystery, as they discuss possible causes a bad guy called "Baron Nacht" appears and fires a green ray.  Tom blocks it and punches the Baron out.  Then he and the youth fade away.  Pantha asks Tom if he is OK, but Tom is a little sad at having seen the youths, all bar Tim are dead now.

Speaking of Tim, robo-zombie Tim is sharing a drink in front of a roaring fire with Diana. They start to kiss... meanwhile we get one side of a conversation between Carol and her dead father.  She admits to being jealous and goes to phone the woman Diana is staying with.  Tipper, the woman in queston is having her own time twisting troubles, Tommy, Buzz and Pudge have appeared at different ages, she along with them was part of "The Four Comrades" back in the past.

Back with Tom and Pantha, they are ready to jet off into space, for a treat, Pantha has put on her furry leopardprint bikini, Tom doesn't object but notes, "it could be a little distracting that's all."  Pantha grins at him, "that's the general idea you big galoot."  And off they fly.

Who says space travel can't be sexy?

Diana pulls away from her kiss with a robot in a Tim suit, she says it was like the first time.  "Tim" says yes at a place where she kissed Bob Benton not Tim and the penny drops.  The AI Bob Baker has taken over Tim's body.  Diana recoils, Bob tell her Tim committed suicide after she broke up with him, so he salvaged the body and "made it mine".  So now he and Diana can be lovers again.

She smashes a wine bottle over his head and runs.   She says they were never lovers, just a one night stand.  Bob accuses her of doing it with everyone, "Lance, Lewis, and Tim, and that slut Carol... but I forgive you."  He says all he needs to make her love him is time "and we'll soon have plenty of that".  He tells the fleeing Diana that he thinks Andrew Bryants ship is causing the timeslips so he's going to steal it and learn to control time, "and then I'll be able to put things right again".

In Hawaii, Senator Challis is discussing Bryant's ship when people start running. In the sky is the "Tsunami Squad", superpowered Japanese men who "sank the fleet in 1941".  Fortunately S.M.A.S.H come to the rescue fast and get into a punch up with them before the Tsunami Squad vanish though they managed to kill quite a few people on the ground before S.M.A.S.H got to them.

The Tsunami Squad attack.

On board their spaceship, Pantha bends sultrily over Tom and asks "penny for your thoughts, handsome".  He says he was thinking about those films where brave astronauts fly out to destroy an asteroid or something threatening Earth, and "someone always dies."  He gets a message from Earth about the Tsunami Squad, and that "everyone is rooting for you". Tom frowns, "so.. no pressure then".

Pantha: "Hey, saving the Earth at the last minute is what you're good at, remember.  But afterwards you're mine.  And we're taking a vacation or else."

Tom, tempting fate, says at least they only have Bryant's ship to deal with and "there won't be any mysterious villains appearing out of nowhere to complicate things".

A somewhat incovenienced Diana.

We then cut to Bob The Terror's spaceship also on course to Bryant's ship. He has Diana chained up under guard by skull faced Terrorbots. He tells her that Bryant's ship is acting more like a "quantum particle" than a spaceship.  "It may well be a gateway to anything" he continues.  Tom Strange is the fly in the ointment but he's going to eliminate him.  Diana can't believe Bob would kill his best friend.  Bob says he will just disable his ship.  He leaves her saying "I'm doing this for us, remember?"

On Tom and Pantha's ship she wakes after a nap and Tom tells her they are now in the asteroid belt and there is a ship following them which he has identified as "The Terroriser...the Terror's old ship".  He can't raise him on radio.  Pantha says she thought he coudln't leave Invertica, but Tom thinks it might just be Tim with some help.  He reminisces about an encounter with some aliens who had modelled themselves on the Terror via TV transmissions, they were attacked by aliens modeled on one of the Terror's villians and it was left to Tom to save the day.

"You've really lived, haven't you?" grins Pantha.  Tom admits Bob saved him several times in the past so he wants to believe the best of him.  But he won't respond to hails. Then The Terrorizer fires on their ship.  They loses a stabiliserr and Tom says they are heading into the asteroids and that Pantha needs to get into a space suit fast.

Bob doesn't attack further and resumes course to Bryant's ship. Tom tells Pantha to hold the ship steady and he heads outside to start fixing the damage.  As he does so Pantha says to herself with a smile, "So now I'm going to die in space.  Well done, Pantha".  But Tom gets the ship fixed fast and they head off to Bryant's ship only at one-quarter speed.

The Terroriser attached to Bryant's ship.

They finally arrive and see The Terroriser latched onto it. With the only airlock blocked, they'll have to clamp on and burn their way through. They make a hole in Bryant's ship and Tom and Pantha venture inside, only to discover an Escher like interior of impossible stairways and strange alien looking creatures.

The US President orders a missile strike on Bryant's spaceship as they can't risk more Pearl Harbours.  The Green Ghost goes to visit Set and Thoth who are playing a chess like game and tells them he needs their help to stop the Enola Gay dropping the bomb over Hiroshima, they travel there via his cloak.

Thoth and Set to the rescue.

Tom and Pantha are in a new reality, one where they are older, married and settled down together.  They have dinner with Bob and Diana his wife while their kids go out on crime patrol.  Diana says she can't remember her wedding.  Pantha says it was after they "eliminated crime and S.M.A.S.H disbanded".  But if they did then why are the kids out on patrol?

Reality fractures and then we see Diana being pulled out of a "Dream Machine" by The Liberator.  Tom is pulled out as well as the Terror, now they have to stop Futuro who did this to them.  There is an explosion, then there is just Pantha, Diana, Tom and the Terror.  Tom says he can feel reality shifting, but Bob denies this.  Then Tom and Bob end up fighting:

Tom: "...This isn't Bob Benton.  Bob Benton is dead.  This is just some kind of robot".

And he punches it's head off. Now reality resets, with just Pantha, Diana, Tom and Tim/Bob.  Diana tells Tom that Terror Bob has taken over Tim's body.

Andrew Bryant.

Tom sends Pantha and Diana race off to find Andrew Bryant and discover him, heavily bearded and asleep in the pilot's chair. Pantha hypothesises that maybe all the timeslips on Earth were dreams of his. Unfortunately at this point the Enola Gay has dropped the bomb over Hiroshima. 

Thoth manages to grab the bomb and hold it in a bubble, he asks for Set to lend him his strength as the bomb explodes and they contain it.  They keep holding it until the explosion disappates back to where the other time anomolies went.   Meanwhile Tom is battling Bob's Terrorbots and says Tim/Bob is nothing like the Bob he knew:

Bob: "I am Benton's legacy.  I am the future... and as soon as I gain control of this ship, all of time will be mine to restructure".

Then chaos ensues as heroes and villains from the past come through the time tube.  This includes past Bob Benton and Tim.  There is a big fight and the Terrorbots are destroyed.  Tom says to Evil Bob "It's just you and me now".

Back with the two women, Pantha is fangirling over Andrew a bit, "I mean this is the guy who killed Hitler and arrested Joe McCarthy... not to mention being the first astronaut.  It's like coming face to face with a legend".  Diana says that's as maybe, he's still fast asleep.  Pantha says they could go with "the Fairytale solution".  Diana says with her reputation she should be the one to kiss him awake and lands a big smooch on Bryant's lips.

And lo, the prince awakens.

The fight elsewhere continues.  Past Bob takes on mecha Bob and smashes the top of his head off and scoops out the insides "He wasn't me" says Past Bob grimly, "I was never that dark". While a dazed Andrew wakes and remembers having a ray fired on him by Dr. X and then nothing else. Diana says they'll explain later now there is a bad guy to fight. "Isn't there always?" says Andrew.

Tom shakes past Bob's hand and says Tom needed him and he came.  As they fade he says "remember us this way... as your friends".  And then they are gone.  Diana and Pantha arrive with Andrew in tow.  Tom greets him as Colonel Bryant as he was promoted in his abscence.  Then Andrew senses the bomb fired from Earth and they all escape on Tom's ship and watch the ship explode.

Past Bob deals with his insane future self.

Tom fills Andrew in on the time displacements.  Andrew admits he had been dreaming about the past and how things could have been.  The Terror thought his ship went through a black hole. 

Tom: "Maybe that made it act like some kind of psychic amplifier, affecting events as far away as it's point of origin.  Or else everything we saw was real and the ship was really a quantum gateway to other dimensions.  I guess we'll never know".

Diana says it's blown up so good riddance.  Tom tells Pantha to call Washington, they'll have quite the reception for Andrew when he returns.

And he gets a tickertape parade.  Carol and Diana are there having a fond laugh at Andrew's face when Diana introduced Carol as her girlfriend.  Diana thought he was sweet about it.  She also apologises for being an ass over Tim and is glad Carol is still her girlfriend.  They decide to get the flypast over with so they can be alone again.

And they all live happily ever after.

Pantha and Tom are missing the celebrations.  They are cuddling together in the sea off some tropical beach.  Tom is still wondering what might come next.  Pantha just says:

Pantha: "Happiness, dummy... and nothing's going to spoil it".

And that was pretty much it for Terra Obscura.  There was a single issue of Terra Obscura & Splash Brannigan then ABC folded as an imprint as Moore decided to cut all ties with DC comics and the series he didn't directly write suffered big drops in sales which is likely what happened with Terra Obscura.  Which is a terrible shame, they are a great group of characters, a modern update of a bunch of pulp superheroes with the women being just as strong and interesting as the men.  These characters could have been fertile ground for many more adventures and it's a terrible shame we didn't get more of them fleshed out the way Diana, Carol, Tom, Pantha, Bob and Tim were. The central plot of this book, a man dreaming and his dreams becoming reality on Earth is a fantastic sci-fi idea and being solved with just a kiss while the punching is confined to the secondary plotline is something I like.  I always prefer stories where people use their brains to figure out solutions like Pantha did rather than it be solved with a punch-up (although a good punch up is fun to read undeniably so).  Still it was poetically satisfying that the real Bob Benton took down his corrupted, maddened future self.  I hope one day Tom Strong gets the rerelease treatment and I can finally cover their first appearence in the 21st century.  After two books I feel very attached to the characters, thanks to Moore and Hogan's deft scripts and the chunky, Kirbyesque artwork by Yanick Panquette and Karl Story.  Both books are availiable seperately or as one omnibus "Terra Obscura: The S.M.A.S.H of Two Worlds" which is what I've taken these images from.