Demon Knights Book 3: The Gathering Storm (#13-23)

"A storm is coming" - Arthur Pendragon

I think it's fair to say I have been incredibly disappointed by Demon Knights,  one of the first US comics I followed was Swamp Thing under Alan Moore and he understood that Etrigan wasn't a stupid thug and that Jason Blood wasn't an annoying little piss-weasel.  Really, if you want Etrigan action, don't buy Demon Knights buy the Alan Moore Swamp Thing run from all good comic shops now for the ultimate Etrigan/Jason Blood appearances.  Or check out their appearances in Garth Ennis's Hitman series for a different but also awesome take on the pair.  And if for some reason you're interested in the rest of the characters I'm confused as to why.  I have some residual affection for Sir Ystin from Grant Morrison's Seven Soldiers series but the rest of the characters are so thin and one dimensional that it's hard to care about them. In fact I don't care about them. At all. Anyway here's the final collected volume of their so-called Exciting Adventures.  It's eleven issues, I was going to split this into two posts but then decided that no, like drinking a capful of Night Nurse, it would be better to hold my nose and power on through to the end of the run in one go.  Anyway, previously on Demon Knights, Etrigan threw a bitch fit and sent his comrades, Sir Ystin, Madam Xanadu, Al Jabr, Vandal Savage, The Horsewoman and Exoristos to hell along with the non-mouldering corpse of Merlin and their horses after his amazing plan to gift Avalon to Lucifer or something failed.  We join our not so merry band in a Hell of Mild Inconvenience as they are somewhat put out by being briefly trapped in their slightly unpleasant daydreams. It really looks like the worst afterlife ever. No really.

Jason Blood is the only one left on the mortal plane, Lucifer having given Etrigan a temporary respite from his curse.  Etrigan bows before Lucifer saying they are his offering, Lucifer is all "you promised me Avalon".  Etrigan says he will get it, Lucifer puts him down saying his plans have worked soooo well in the past.  He had hoped Etrigan would be plotting something that would allow him to crush him again.  Lucifer also wants to know why the horses are here as well, Hell isn't known for its stabling facilties.  He says Etrigan has one day to implement his plan or else.

Meanwhile the others are being "tormented".  Sir Ystin's Hell is being forced to admit a gender preference, as if he doesn't have to put up with that all the time in the non-afterlife.  Al Jabr is not being tortured just confused as to why he, a good Muslim, should be in the Christian Hell with only booze to drink.  A potentially interesting plot thread not picked up upon of course.

Even Lucifer is put out by Hell's lack of imagination.

Vandal Savage is being hung upside down and poked with sticks by the souls of his damned children, he literally laughs in their faces so unthreatening they are.  The Horsewoman is reliving the day she lost her legs and parents in a horse stampede.  Exoristos is chained within feet of Paradise Island and Lucifer comes to her saying he needs a person who has an issue with the people of the earth and hands her a black diamond, which forms part of one of the four billion crossovers going on in the Nu52 at that point, "The Black Diamond Probability".

Madame Xanadu has been transformed into an obedient little wife for Etrigan although he is too stupid to see she is just acting for his benefit.  Anyway Sir Ystin quickly escapes his "torment" because he has drunk from the Holy Grail, and sets about rescuing the others.  The denizens of Hell don't seem to care.  Back in the mortal world, Jason Blood is about to commit suicide when he is found by The Questing Queen from book one.

Etrigan and Xanadu as a sitcom couple.

To derail slightly for a moment and sorry to keep harping on, but in Alan Moore's Swamp Thing run Swamp Thing has to go to the DCU Hell to retreive the soul of Abby, unjustly cast down there by her evil uncle Anton Arcane.  He comes across an immobilised Arcane full of rot, filth and maggots who asks Swampy how many years he has been there.  When Swampy replies with the devastating "Since yesterday" and Anton screams in horror at what this means and the eternity of suffering that awaits him still, it remains once of the most powerful and affecting visions of the Christian Hell I have read since The Inferno cantica of The Divine Comedy.  I can only assume the constant cosmic retcons in the DCU have weakened its Hell into something easily tolerated and easy to stroll out of. Feh.

The Questing Queen offers to help Jason to get into Hell without killing himself.  He is told they are after the Holy Grail and Etrigan is the most likely person to find it.  They plan to get ahold of Etrigan and Jason can see Madam Xanadu again.  She in turn is playing the meek, submissive wife to Etirgan who doesn't like it, so he says "I now return your magic" and leaves her to "do whatever course you see fit."

Meanwhile off panel, Sir Ystin has rescued the others without much of a problem.  Etrigan confronts them saying he will return them to their torments (ooh scary).  Sir Ystin decides to battle Etrigan as he has had it coming for a while now.

Sir Ystin about to let loose on Etrigan.

On earth, Jason is sent to Hell using the Questing Queen's wizard's magicks.  Etrigan is pulled out of Hell in return.  Jason is conviniently dropped into Hell alongside his companions.  Xanadu meanwhile has gone to Merlin's coprse which was transported there along with a handy communication sphere she is going to use to open a portal to Avalon.  Held in a magick prison, Etrigan is interrogated by the Questing Queen.  He says he knows what Madam Xanadu will be doing, and when the portal opens to Avalon...

The action cuts to Lucifer monitoring this conversation and he concludes Etrigan's plan, which will be to allow Lucifer and the Legions of the Damned into Avalon and he will be rewarded.  Lucifer shrugs and says it's an interesting plan I guess and matches what he wants which is to let Exoristos out of Hell with the Black Diamond.

Lucifer: "Legions of Hell - today we conquer a new land of the dead!  Which is very exciting.  I suppose".

UGH.  I hate this kind of snarky aside, it totally undermines the gravitas and threat of a character and when everyone is doing it like in this Paul Cornell penned run of issues it just makes everyone sound the same, boringly Joss Whedonesque flippant.

Xanadu is reunited with Jason and opens the portal to Avalon while the Legions of Hell amass.  The others appear with the horses and Exoristos clumsily asks Sir Ystin if he'd like to travel with her.  Sir Ystin says he believes Exoristos loves only a part of him, the female part and she/he is both male and female, and could Exoristos live with that?

They all go through the portal, but it doesn't close behind them.  In front of them appear "The Silent Knights", the defenders of Avalon.  Close behind them are the Legions of Hell and also appearing thanks to Etrigan's link to Jason are the forces of the Questing Queen.  Time for a massive rumble I think.

A storm over Avalon.

A big threeway fight kicks off.  Xanadu flies the gang up and out of the way and onto a nearby hill.  Etrigan uses the magic fire breath of one of the Questing Queen's army machines to break his magic manacles and prostrates himself before Lucifer.  Who is pissed because he believes Etrigan led the Questing Queen's forces there to wipe out Lucifer's.  This accusation flummoxes Etrigan and he finally gains some self respect and flies off saying "he will never again serve anyone."  About damn time Etrigan.

The dead Merlin starts to revive and sends out a message that summons "the forces of King Arthur Pendragon".  That's handy.  They wade into the fight as well.  Merlin then summons a rainstorm over the battlefield as he has fully come to life (off-panel! why didn't we get to see it? Sequential FAIL). Exoristos agitates to get back to the mortal realm, and Xanadu notes "something's changed about you".

As it rains, the hill they are on comes under attack so they fight while quippty, quip, quip, quipping. Etrigan confronts Merlin and tries to kill him to seek his revenge while telling Xanadu this was his plan all along to get her out of Hell.

Merlin: "You're making that up.  You actually feel guilty!".

Real Etrigans NEVER feel guilty.  His character assassination continues, sigh.  Merlin zaps Etrigan and himself with lightning then reminds everyone what the water of Avalon does.  It starts melting all the demons and even affects Lucifer himself.  It also cleanses the Questing Queen's forces of their enchantments so they beat a hasty retreat.  Lucifer also withdraws saying "hmmph, at least this has been diverting".

Merlin reborn.

With all the baddies gone.  Merlin is consumed by light and rejuvanates into a younger form as he ages backwards.  Arthur officially knights Sir Ystin.  Merlin calls the gang "my Stormwatch" tying them to the present day DCU comic of the same name though as they continue calling themselves the Demon Knights it feels a somewhat pointless inclusion.

Merlin then binds Jason and Etrigan back together saying they still have a destiny to fulfil.  Then they leave Avalon via a portal back to the mortal world.  The group decide to separate.  Jason and Xanadu will go off together.  Exoristos plans to go alone due to the influence of the Black Diamond, but Sir Ystin decides to go with her.  The Horsewoman says they are fools for splitting up, "to be offered hope - a destiny - and deny it immediately".  And she rides off rather hypocritically.  And that brings this arc and Paul Cornell's tenure on the title to an end.  Is it over, can I come home mum?  Gah no there is still eight more issues to go, with Robert Venditti taking over writing chores for the rest of the run.

The action shifts to several decades in the future. The Horsewoman, who doesn't age if her soul is bonded to a horse is run down and captured by some bounty hunters who kill her horse.  She is taken to a city and thrown in jail, only to find Exoristos and Sir Ystin also in chains there, and they seem to have had a falling out in the past.

Then a counsel comes and frees them saying their capture and treatment was a mistake, the Caliph has been loking for them but didn't mean for them to be treated so brutally.  The Caliph turns out to be an elderly Al Jabr who has been hunting down the Demon Knights because there is a threat to the world he wants them to deal with.

The Horsewoman chased down by Bison Riders.

The threat turns out to be an army of vampires making their way across Europe led by a man called Cain (a link to the also cancelled series I, Vampire).  They have their minds set on reaching and vamping Themyscira much to Exoristos's distress so they need to find Jason Blood and Madame Xanadu as well.  Jason Blood is being held captive by Vandal Savage who has cast a mute spell on him and tortures him everyday while Etrigan sulks down in Hell, baited by Lucifer who mocks him for relinquishing his service to him.

Sir Ystin, Exoristos and The Horsewoman make ready to leave.  Al Jabr won't be coming as he is too old, so huh, they wrote out the one non-white member.  Great. The Horsewoman picks a new horse to ride called "Brickwedge", a stumpy service horse who she chose for his conversation over the snobby palace steeds.  And off they ride to Vandal Savage's castle.  There isn't really any reason given for why Savage is torturing Jason Blood, but Vandal Savage has and is always a dick so I can't be critical of this turn of events.

Ouch!

Exoristos enters Vandal Savage's castle, she says she is here to join his clan.  Vandal says she has to prove her worth, so they decide to arm wrestle:

Exoristos: "Haven't you ever wondered if you were man enough?"

Sir Ystin arrives in the cell area and kills the guards.  He unties Jason and is shocked to see his mouth sealed up.  Exoristos gets ready to wrestle with Vandal then she headbutts him viciously, sending him tumbling to the floor.

Sir Ystin throws Jason of the battlements and jumps after him and Vanguard his flying horse catches them both.  As Exoristos flees the castle, The Horsewoman mentally tells the enemy's horses not to follow them and they escape.

Sir Ystin and Vanguard to the rescue.

They keep riding until they find a cottage where Jason had marked the map with an "X".  It is where Madame Xanadu is and she attacks them before realising who they are.  Meanwhile the Bison Riders of the steppes are met by Cain and his vampire army.  He tears their leader to pieces before pressing on to Themyscira.

Madame Xanadu removes the mute spell upon Jason saying they had been apart for decades after he went to Alba Sarum on business. They hug, then Exoristos says "time is short... we need your stronger half.. or the whole of Europe is doomed".  Jason can't believe they want Etrigan after all the betrayals he put them through, but swaps places with him anyway.  Brickwedge thinks to The Horsewoman:

Brickwedge: "This one's a bit of a whiner."

He's now my favourite character.  They recieve a message delivered by falcon from Al Jabr saying "Cain has crossed the Danube."  After some bickering they race to Theyscira to find a battle already going on on a beach nearby with an advanced guard of vampires.

A somewhat underwhelmingly depicted battle.

They pile in and fight, one of the Amazons yells at Exoristos for being there, then tells them to pierce the heart and behead the monsters.  Finally they subdue the vampires and Etrigan tries to swap back with Jason to regain his strength.  But Jason refuses and keeps Etrigan on the mortal plane where his strength is ebbing.  In Hell Lucifer comes to query this but Jason tells him "why should I fear you?"  Why indeed?  This Hell you can have picnics in.

Exoristos helps her fellow Amazon shore up their defences.  She is told the Amazon helping Cain is called Fara who was Exoristos' friend and who left the island to come looking for her in order to try and get her exile lifted.  Meanwhile Vandal Savage's forces have crept up on them and noting Etrigan is out of action says "...this will be easier than I thought."

Cain.

Vandal approaches and goes to cut off Etrigan's head, wanting revenge for being sent to Hell. But when he is filled in on the vampire threat he still tries to kill the weakened Etrigan so Xanadu zaps him.  They build a boat to get to Themyscira where the vampires have already taken the beach.

The Amazons fall back to the city.  Their guide says the soldiers will wait all day for an attack, but of course they vampire will attack at night to gain full advantage.  Our gang, including Vandal Savage sail to Themyscira.  Sir Ystin has a vision of himself as a vampire and mutters, "is this what Merlin meant for me to do?"

In Hell Jason is being tortured by Lucifer but refuses to switch places with Etrigan.  Lucifer decides to look in and see what his friends are doing and when he realises they are fighting Cain and his vampire hordes, urges Jason to change.

The Amazons and the Vampires are fighting as the Demon Knights arrive and charge into the fray.  Sir Ystin approaches Cain saying he has forgotten his quest for so long.  Cain bites Sir Ystin saying he "looks forward to your undying loyalty."  Jason agrees to swap with Etrigan who says to Lucifer:

Etrigan: "You reek of fear.  When all the world is soulless and undying, there won't be much use for Hell."

Don't piss the Amazons off.

Lucifer returns Etrigan to full strength and he returns to the battlefield.  Combined the Amazons and the Demon Knights defeat the vampires.  Cain hovers above the battlefield saying he'll be back (he won't) before turning into several crows and flying off.  Exoristos goes to Sir Ystin who is fighting off the vamping.  Somehow being turned is part of his quest for the Holy Grail (*shrug* beats me), which Queen Hippolyta says she might know where it is.  With the end of this arc, Bernard Chang leaves as artist and instead we get Chad Hardin as penciller and Wayne Faucher as inker.  It's not an improvement.

In the Amazon city, Sir Ystin is fighting off the vampiric infection and being taken care of by Exoristos.  Hippolyta appears and rescinds Exoristos' exile.  But Ex says she was right to send her away, "I don't fit in with your drills and rules and codes of conduct".  She points to Sir Ystin and says "I know I belong with her." Then respect her pronouns you insensitive cow!

The others are scouring the Amazon library for clues to where the grail might be.  They find a possible location on the map and Sir Ystin appears and says he knows that is where it is.  He also asks for help as he can't do it alone.  The others agree and we cut to them on a boat getting ready to leave.  Vandal is coming too, he says no hard feelings to Jason who says he'll get his revenge when Vandal is out of earshot.

The magic island revealed.

After two days at sea, Xanadu's magic reveals a hidden island that many other ships had crashes into.  They disembark and immediately are attacked by a many tentacled hydra.  One tentacle grabs Madame Xanadu and Jason turns into Etrigan to save her.  The others get stuck in and finally Xanadu kills it with a powerful spell.  They find some glyphs on the wall and Xanadu says she knows what one of them means, "the Holy Grail".

Etrigan changes back to Jason so he can translate the glyphs.  According to them, crossing the threshold will take you to another place, reciting the glyphs will take you to the grail but it is a one way journey.  Sir Ystin says he'll go but Exoristos says he is too weak and it's time to let others serve.  After some bickering Vandal Savage and Jason go through and find themselves in a room full of treasure.

By the fire sit Sir Ystin and Exoristos.  Sir Ystin says he was told about "evil that would own my spirit... the loss of everyone I love".  Exoristos admits that the Black Diamond's influence made her angrier and angrier and that's why she split from Sir Ystin.  She has hidden the diamond and it's influence on her has waned.  She says she'll always be there for Sir Ystin and they kiss.

Of course the ramifications of this on Ystin's gender and Exoristos's sexuality is never explored.

Back with Vandal and Jason, they find the box holding the grail, they also find a huge door.  It opens and two giants appear. When they notice vandal and Jason they attack them.  Jason calls Etrigan and when he is down in Hell he uses the threat of the grail to get Lucifer to transport him back to the others.

Lucifer does so, and Etrigan vanishes leaving Vandal facing the giants alone.  Jason is reunited with the others and hands an overwhelmed Sir Ystin the box holding the grail.  When asked where Vandal is, Jason grins and over an image of Vandal's unconcious body says ".. he finally got what was coming to him."

Nice derp face, Ystin.

Chad Hardin takes over art duties in full.  It's.. enh.. OK. Vandal Savage is questioned by the giants about the Grail and where it has been taken.  Meanwhile the others have arrived in Al Jabr's city of Al-Wadi.  They find Al Jabr and present him with the Holy Grail although none of them have yet opened the box.

Al Jabr goes to open it himself, but Sir Ystin stops him saying the time is not right.  They are going to find Merlin and think the Grail will be safe with Al Jabr.  He is not sure, his people are getting restless and violent.

Later, outside the city, The Horsewoman and Brickwedge are just chilling out and chatting when they hear a rumbling sound.  It is an approaching army of giants who have Vandal Savage in a cage.  She goes to warn Al Jabr, while the giants outside demand the Grail back.

They fire a warning shot at the city and the shockwave knocks the Grail's box onto the floor and it opens.  Immediately plants start growing through the floor and attack them as its lifeforce runs out of control.  They stop almost right away though, The Horsewoman has returned the Grail to the box and can now stand up, her damaged spine has been healed.

The grail heals all.

Sir Ystin has also had the vampirism curse lifted from him and Exoristos hugs him with joy. She also admits that last time she was here she left something in a locked chest in the vault.  She entrusts the contents to Al Jabr, handing him a key.  Jason summons Etrigan and they ride out to take on the giants alongside Al Jabr's army.

As they fight what seems like a losing battle, suddenly several zeppelins appear and fire down on the giants.  Aboard one is Al Jabr who has acquired what Exoristos sent him to get - the Black Diamond.  He realises this is what was making his people so aggressive.

He tosses the Diamond down onto the battlefield and the giants start fighting amongst themselves.  Watching them from the walls of the city later as the last few finish each other off, Sir Ystin notes the irony of Lucifer's gift of the Black Diamond saving the Holy Grail.  Etrigan returns to Hell to tell him.  Vandal Savage has also escaped the battle and scarpered.

Exoristos says she will take the Diamond back and bear its burden, but Al Jabr shows them the Diamond and the Grail together cancelling each other out.  Together they will be safe in the secret chamber in Al-Wadi.  Sir Ystin says the Grail is hope and:

Sir Ystin: "Let those who try and take it know forever oposing them will be the Demon Knights".

The End (thankfully)

And that abruptly concludes the series. So what is there left to say?  What kills me about this series is that it came highly recommended.  I read so many people who had issues with the New 52 making an exception for Demon Knights.  And with a writer I previously was a fan of in Paul Cornell, how could it fail?  Well for me it failed hard.  Everyone was badly or negligently mischaracterised and often just going through the motions with no inner life to speak of.  After two years the only thing I had found out about The Horsewoman was that her name was Sarah. Think about what we had; a pagan witch, a Judeo-Christian demon, a lesbian who worships the Greek Pantheon, a Muslim scientist, a transman and a paraplegic.  That should have been the basis for some amazing character based interactions, but apart from some weak magic v.science stuff and some pronoun arguments regarding Sir Ystin there was a complete lack of any interpersonal spark such differences in background should have caused. The storylines were weak and grotesquely padded.  Plot points were badly set up and often dependant on important things happening off-panel.  Paul Cornell seems to work best in a contemporary and sci-fi setting, his delvings into British myth have always been a miss with me and this didn't change my mind on that. 

The series didn't improve with a new writer and apart from Bernard Chang's run of issues the art was very weak, and even he stumbled badly in his depiction of the DCU Hell.  This series had a ton of potential, and it was squandered at every turn.  If this was considered the best of the New 52 then it just proves my point that the New 52 was one of the worst things to happen to DC continuity and the few series that were good - Batwoman (at least the first half), Batman Inc, Frankenstein and Dial H - were the exception rather than the rule. Add in epic fails like handing control of three books to Rob Liefeld, the ruination of the Wildstorm universe's characters, the appalling lack of female creators and their terrible treatment of Gail Simone and the botched mess of attempting to run 52 comics within a tightly linked universe with crossover after crossover making the series read badly in their trade editions and it just has ended up being the worst few years to be a DC lifer since I started reading post-Crisis On Infinite Earths. Nevermind, it's over now, hooray for the DCYou.  Etrigan seems to have survived this debacle as he always does, but I fear the rest of the cast may not be lucky enough to have new and better writers champion them.  We shall see.  Summing up, Vic?

Can't say fairer than that.

Demon Knights Book 2: The Avalon Trap (#8-12, #0)

"You know somehow that's not what I expected" - Al Jabr

This is the second volume of Paul Cornell's run on The New 52 series, Demon Knights.  In the previous book the seven "knights" were thrown together by circumstance to defend a village from attack and prevent the attackers marching on to conquer the city of Alba Sarum.  Well, they defeated the attackers, unfortunately they ended up destroying the village in the process.  This book picks up in the immediate aftermath as the seven travel to Alba Sarum to receive thanks and possibly a reward.  The seven knights are: the transgender Shining Knight (Sir Ystin), Jason Blood/Etrigan the Demon, Madame Xanadu, middle eastern scientist Al Jabr, the exiled Amazon Exoristos (Ex), Vandal Savage and the mysterious paraplegic, Horsewoman.  So far only Shining Knight's background has been elaborated on, while the others so far don't have much to discern one from another.  This volume will fill in the background of Madame Xanadu and her relationship with the body swapping Etrigan and Jason Blood.  It also features Avalon, the magical heart of Great Britain, which is something Cornell has explored a few times in his writing career and, like the values of tolerance, decency and fair play which Cornell seems to think are the defining characteristics of the Britsh, it's a complete fantasy.  The first arc of Captain Britain and MI-13 featured the Marvelverse Avalon and his sole contribution to the Eighth Doctor Expanded Universe novel series was also set in the pocket dimension of Avalon.  We've got Merlin, Morgaine, King Arthur and all that mystical folderol before us, so let us begin.

The story begins with the Seven on their way to the city of Alba Sarum.  Vandal Savage is telling them again how he purposely infiltrated their enemy to disrupt them and he didn't betray the others who are somewhat dubious still.  Jason is fast asleep.  Xanadu says after swapping with Etrigan for a long period he sleeps for ages.  The others wonder how the heck she got into this relationship and she responds "It's complicated and like so many things, it started in Camelot."

She recounts her first meeting with Jason while training in magic under Merlin.  Shining Knight says he was at Camelot and he doesn't remember them.  Vandal Savage muses that he raided Camelot several times over the centuries and it was often quite different each time. Shining Knight realise:

Shining Knight: "All my Gods!  There were many Camelots.. I could have gone home."

Exoristos says it wouldn't have been the same Camelot though.  They get back to the Xanadu/Jason/Etrigan triangle.  She and Jason became friends and started a tentative romance.  Then Camelot was attacked.  Xanadu was supposed to take the body of Arthur back to Avalon but she dived off the boat.  Jason was bonded to Etrigan by Merlin and each thought the other gone.

She made a life for herself as a fortune teller and general village doctor and so on.  She realised after several decades she wasn't aging.  She then made the mistake of staying in one place too long and the villagers decided to burn her as a witch.  But before they can set her alight, Jason appears.  When he realises who she is he summons Etrigan who kills everyone in the crowd then flies her away.

Etrigan, meet Xanadu.

She and Jason sleep together and realise immortality means they can be together forever.  But when he swaps with Etrigan, he attacks her saying he won't let Jason be happy.  Xanadu holds him off by saying he needs a powerful magician to help him break his link to Jason.  But perhaps she impresses her too much as he then starts wooing her with a dead sheep.

Xanadu: "I will work to help you.  But understand this... I love Jason... And you will never touch me!"

Unfortunately when Jason and Xanadu find a priest to marry them, Etrigan kills the priest and burns down the church.  Xanadu makes the difficult decision to accept Etrigan's romantic overtures, saying to him that sex with him would kill her, but she will be his love, "that was the sacrifice I made then and continue to make to this day."

Jason awakes and says it's time for Etrigan to appear and swaps places with him.  He has a slightly different take on his and Xanadu's relationship:

Etrigan: "Whenever someone tells you a true story, you should ask yourself, who is fooling who?"
Meanwhile in Alba Sarum, Merlin is in his lab and talking to person's unknown about how the city has been called the "new Camelot" and there are those who would destroy a city with that name.  Suddenly he is stabbed in the back by a hooded assassin and killed.

Backstab crits for 1000hp, Merlin is dead.

The next chapter begins with the two women who rule Alba Sarum assessing the Seven in a catch up for new readers which we can skip.  The Seven arrive finally in Alba Sarum but note that everyone seems to be in mourning.  Al Jabr and Vandal Savage get into a punch up over his maybe betrayal during the seige in the previous book.  Before they can escalate it too far, Princess Alba appears and invites them to the palace.  With them all done up in fancy finery, Etrigan observes:

Etrigan: "I've heard that the Princesses are betrothed having written the laws themselves to allow that.  But won't marry until their city is declared 'The New Camelot'"
Xanadu: "Power allows anything.  I hope common girls get the same."

The princesses then bring in Merlin's body, much to Sir Ystin's distress and Etrigan's anger.  Xanadu calms Etrigan and stops him ripping up the body.  The princesses say that his wounds have disappeared, he is still warm and smells of roses.  Xanadu says she has seen this before, have they heard of Avalon?

She says bringing Merlin's body to Avalon, they can reunite his body and soul or something. Anyway, they all make plans to go to Avalon.  Xanadu says she knows a way there from the ruins of her Camelot.  Etrigan says for the journey they'll need a ship, many barrels of mead and many, many magical weapons.

Etrigan knows how to pack.

The next day Ex and Sir Ystin discuss their mission.  Sir Ystin asks if Ex is just coming for the money.  Ex says that since the seige she has felt she has something to fight for and that it feels good.  Al Jabr meanwhile, is voicing his concerns to a Lord Gadfrey.

Al Jabr: "I'm hoping the fact the living can go to Avalon means it is not actually the afterlife.  I don't think God would appreciate me marching in."

He thanks Gadfrey for the new devices and goes to board the ship.  They set off on their joruney to the "savage wasteland" of Britain with Vandal Savage steering the ship.  Suddenly a huge sea serpent appears in front of them.  In hell, Etrigan, having swapped back with Jason, is talking to Lucifer and promises him Avalon.

Etrigan: "Sire.  It is my aim to give you Avalon, Merlin and the souls of all my comrades."

Back with the Seven, the giant sea serpent has pirates on its head steering it.  They try to hijack the Seven's boat, but Xanadu and Vandal Savage knock the beast out.  They pick up the pirates out of the water and says they can stay aboard if they steer the sea serpent in front of their boat to keep the other monsters of the sea at bay.

Sea serpent!

They arrive in Britain and in the first town they set foot in they hand over the pirates and show the seals of Alba Sarum to the town Reeve to show they have no ill intent.  They go to the local pub to discuss their next move.  They wonder if they should follow the coast, but a local called Gwyn Godwinson says they don't want to do that because of all the monsters.  However the land is not free of them either:

Gwyn: "Something bad had taken root in what had once been the best place of worldly honour... this darkness is comin' from Camelot."

The Seven set off with Etrigan to help them fight monsters.  And they are indeed attacked by a huge fanged beast, but Sir Ystin kills it by leaping from his flying horse Vangaurd and stabbing it through the head.  It transforms back into a normal wolf as it dies.

Shining Knight lives up to his name.

A day later they come to the marshes that are all that are left of the lakes that once surrounded this Camelot.  Al Jabr comments about all the monsters they have faced:

Al Jabr: "It's as though they've been transformed to be more like their essential natures."

They reach Camelot and it is in ruins bar a tower with a sickly green light shining out of the top of it.  Suddenly a zombie knight appears who Xanadu recognises as King Arthur, he doesn't attack he tries to communicate with them but can't speak properly. 

Zombie King Arthur

Suddenly, all of the Seven bar Xanadu change.  Etrigan becomes bigger and more imposing, Al Jabr develops a huge head to house his huge brain, the Horsewoman becomes a centaur, Sir Ystin becomes more masculine looking, Vandal Savage just becomes more handsome and although it's hard to make it out from the confused artwork layout, Ex becomes a twisted, squat being.  They have been tranformed into their "essential natures".

Xanadu: "I can feel this is dark magic.  Exoristos, how can you want this?!"

Sir Ystin: "She's hurting herself.  I'm proud of who I am... a true Shining Knight.  I think Ex wants you to see the opposite."

Etrigan uses his amped up power to deal with the creatures attacking them.  Arthur gestures that they should all follow him and he leads them to a fountain of pure energy.  Despite the protestations of the changed Six, he uses the fountain to change them back to normal.  Etrigan is pissed about losing his extra power and attacks Arthur who has now been returned to normal.  Arthur fends him off for now.

A rejuvanated Arthur.

Sir Ystin, Xanadu and Al Jabr all bow before him.  King Arthur tells them that the light that changed them would eventually have seen them degenerate into mindless beings.  He has used the last pure energy from Camelot to return them and himself to normal although it is only temporary while they are still there.

Xanadu asks why he is here and not in Avalon.  He said he felt the call to go home and found "a way that would only be used to leave, not return"  He realised something was seriously wrong with Camelot, it was centuries later and someone had erected the tower projecting the evil light.  The light tried to change him and when it could not, it started to show the years that "Avalon stores unseen".

The corruption of Camelot.

Xanadu says if they destroy the tower, they have a good chance of finding a way into Avalon.  Arthur agrees to help when they say it is for Merlin.  They attack the tower, a huge creature of earth rises up before them but they use water to defeat it.  Meanwhile an unseen voice commands their slaves to fetch Merlin's body which the others left in a cave.  And finally the voice is revealed to belong to a masked Morgaine Le Fey.

The Seven plus Arthur arrive inside the tower, which is bigger on the inside than the outside.  Xanadu says it's like "all of Camelot has been shoved in this smaller space."  They figure the evil light will be coming from Merlin's chambers and set off there.

Morgaine Le Fey

Morgaine watches their progress via crystal ball.  They come across the Round Table which has a pentagram in blood scrawled on it and corpses sat around it one of which Xanadu recognises as a "sister".  The Horsewoman says she is having trouble with the force that connects her to the horses.  Like she is being drained.

Exoristos: "By all the Gods!  It feels like death!"

The realise they have walked into a trap and more creatures attack. They fight back but one of the animals explodes into green poisonous dust which renders them all unconcious.  When they awake they have been magically manacled to the floor around an occult looking symbol.

A somewhat sticky situation.

Morgaine is now revealed to them and Xanadu asks what she wants with them.  Morgaine says she made the ruins of Camelot like the are now to lure Merlin back there, but it turns out having his dead body will be even more useful.  She had planned to take him over while alive, but now he is dead it will be even easier.

Now their energies will be drawn into Merlin's body to give him even more life before she takes up residence in him.  She promises to be be a "good person" when she has his body at her command.  Then she leaves saying soon everyone in the room will die.

Vandal Savage: "Unacceptable! I will not die so a woman with no face can gain different genitals!"

Etrigan has a plan though and he and Jason keep swapping back and forth until they overload the manacles.  Xanadu tells him to destroy the altar and this frees the rest of them. 

They find Morgaine and confront her, she makes a last ditch effort to take over Xanadu's body by turning into energy and firing herself at her.  Arthur however blocks her and takes Morgaine into himself.  He says that he needs to stop her taking him over fully.  He knights Sir Ystin again as "the once and future knight" then attacks the stream of evil energy which somehow makes it explode, killing him.

King Arthur's sacrifice.

The Seven and their horses escape the collapsed tower.  Xanadu looks for the entry to Avalon but it's no longer there.  Morgaine's desecration closed it.  Etrigan goes absolutely berserk.  He rants that they have made the mistake of thinking he has human feelings, but "I am demon born".  And he blasts them all with his fire, sending them all to hell.  And that ends the main part of the book on a cliffhanger.

The Zero issue begins with a young Etrigan being mocked for his poor rhyming.  Lucifer appears and laguidly dismisses his efforts.  He tells his major-domo to remove Etrigan's spine as punishment.  Etrigan throws a pity party:

Etrigan: "I have never been shown a moments kindness nor known a moments comfort".

That'll be the whole "being in Hell" thing dude, just sayin'.  Anyway he quits Lucifer's service and decides to foment revolution.

Etrigan starts to draw his plans together..

Meanwhile Jason Blood is in Camelot moaning about how strictly Merlin is treating him.  He kicks a table in a mirror of Etrigan's complaints he says "he underestimates me! Everyone does!".

Arthur tells Merlin to go easy on the kid then Jason accidentally blows up Merlin's lab in the background.  They go and take a look and an angry Jason grabs Arthur saying why won't Merlin's magic work for him?  Merlin zaps Jason into unconciousness.  Etrigan meanwhile starts his hostile takeover by challenging and killing the various faction leaders in Hell.

Stop being a little bitch Jason.

A still angry Jason Blood is in a jail cell for putting his hands on the king.  Nimue, the real name of Madame Xanadu, listens to his complaints about being made for a greater destiny than this.

Jason Blood: "There is something in my nature that needs balancing Nim.  You know I dream of doing... terrible things.  If I let my anger out."

Merlin goes to the oracle, Morgaine le Fey who says she is only helping because Nimue is her sister.  She predicts Jason will kill Nimue if not "granted some great quest to heal himself."  Merlin sighs, he now has to "do something awful".  In Hell Etrigan has managed to get several Hell legions on his side.

Bernard Chang's artwork really is good.

Lucifer watches with amusement wondering how he can crush Etrigan with the maximum humiliation.  Then Merlin appears and proposes a "bargain".  Lucifer appears to the forces ranged against him, says Etrigan failed to impress him once again, and he opens a portal to the mortal world which sucks Etrigan in and leaves his fighters leaderless and they back down.

We then get a rerun of events shown to us in book one in case we are goldfish and forgot.  Camelot is attacked, Jason is summoned to Merlin's lab and bounds to Etrigan, Camelot falls. 

2 become 1.

Etrigan, now back down at the very bottom of Hell's hierarchy swears to kill everyone Jason cares about if bought to the mortal world.  Jason says he'll commit suicide in that case and trap Etrigan in "this prison of flesh".  Etrigan changes his mind:

Etrigan: "It seems I have been rash.  Give me time, get to know me.  Perhaps we can make a deal".

The story ends with Jason walking away from the ruins of Camelot.  We are told that over the centuries Etrigan climbed back up Hell's hierarchy and as for Jason "perhaps he started to accept his situation.  Etrigan never did."  The end.

And all he really needed was a good therapist...

And once again I have to register several complaints about this volume, while the pacing has been improved other aspects still bother me.  The main one being that we have seven characters who all sound the same, the same jokey comments and snarky asides and I have to wonder why.  These are a team made up of people originating from different time periods, or in the case of Ex and Al Jabr, different cultures and yet nothing is made of this fact.  The other problem is that eleven issues in, the only characters we know a decent amount about are the ones previously established in DC lore, yes The New 52 was supposed to be a clean slate, but we've simply got a slight variation on a previous theme.  The more potentitally interesting new characters have been pushed to one side.  It's a waste.  The art is a mess as well, although I have only credited three artists, Diogenes Neves, Oclair Albert and Bernard Chang, many of the issues had up to five inkers and pencillers working on them which doesn't help with clarity.  It's notable that the Zero issue, which is entirely pencilled and inked by Bernard Chang is far, far superior to what was being put out by the main series. 

Also the zero issue had the great potential storywise, the origins of Etrigan?  Should have been gold.  But whereas Alan Moore portrayed The Demon as an essentially noble being who nonethless served hell while helping Swamp Thing for his own inscrutable reasons, and Garth Ennis gave us an Etrigan who had a wicked sense of humour and buckets of amoral cunning.  Cornell gives us an Etrigan who is a fucking idiot.  Well it's a new take I agree, but not an especially welcome one.  I simply cannot believe that Etrigan no matter how young and headstrong would have the desire or means to believe he had a chance to take down Lucifer.  And Jason Blood got bonded to Etrigan due to anger management issues?!  Fuck. Off. Etrigan linked to the mortal world has been responsible for more death than Jason alone ever would have. I have to wonder if Cornell was suffering editorial interference as he left the title after his resolution of the storyline in the next volume.  I know he has the chops for comic book writing but something went seriously awry on this series.  So check back in a couple of months for the resolution of the cliffhanger and how a new writer approached the material.

Secret Six Book 1: Villains United. (Villains United #1-6, Six Degrees Of Devastation #1-6)

"Good day. My loyal, tarnished knights" - Scandal Savage

So, if you ignore part twos, intros and the Sega ads post, this is my one hundreth book covered.  Woo hoo.  And to mark this special occasion I present the first one written by a female writer, the writer in question being Gail Simone.  Actually I had wanted to cover her quite a while back but for ages the stuff I had recommended by her was out of print and going for a fortune on Amazon. Fortunately the series I was most interested in, Secret Six has been reprinted and this volume contaians the original Villains United miniseries which I briefly cover for reason I'll go into later and then the follow up miniseries that ended up leading into an ongoing series collected in later volumes.  Also, I've been following Gail Simone on tumblr and wow, she must be the nicest, most awesome author as a person I have ever come across.  Her dedication to her fanbase is legendary and her commitment to portraying diversity in gender, sexuality, race and disability in her comics puts her way ahead of every other author I have read regarding social justice issues.  Even if I hated her work (which I don't, she's a really good writer) I think I'd still follow her tumblr for all the fun, and snark and cosplay pictures of women dressed as Red Sonja she links to, mmmm. So, I shall skim the first miniseries and cover the second in more depth, both have six issues making this book good value for money as well.

VILLAINS UNITED - When I started buying the original black and white Swamp Thing trades in the mid-to-late 1980's, each volume came with an introduction.  When it came time for the Crisis On Infinite Earth's tie-in to be collected, the intro explained  what the crossover was about and so I wasn't left totally bewildered by it as I only started collecting DC comics in earnest after Crisis On Infinite Earths happened.  The first Grant Morrison Animal Man trade also has an intro that explains the Invasion crossover that had a deleterious effect on Animal Man's powers.  Once again without it, it would be utterly confusing.

Mark One, Cheshire, Catman Ragdoll, Deadshot Parademon, Scandal.

This first six issue mini-series was not only a direct lead in to Infinite Crisis, but it also was based heavily on events sparked off by the previous crossover, Identity Crisis.  There is no helpful intro explaining this, nowhere at all on the trade paperback that explains anything about the larger events this mini was tied to. Now Gail Simone has made a valiant effort to make it understandable in it's own right, but as someone who has read Infinite Crisis I have to say, that if I hadn't I'd be completely confused as to what was going on.  And I am still a little confused because I haven't read all the other tie-ins that preceeded Infinite Crisis.  So that's why I am skimming this miniseries as I'd just end up getting sidetracked trying to explain what was going on elsewhere. 

Basically, the Lex Luthor from Earth-2, Alex Luthor, was disguised as the main DCU earth's Lex Luthor and was using a team of super villains to distract the heroes of the earth while he got on with capturing heroes and villains who had originated from different Earths before Crisis On Infinite Earth's crushed all the Earths into one, with various people from parallel worlds now making their home in the new compacted continuity.  Alex Luthor wanted to strap them to a giant tuning fork to split the earth into multiple realities again and then create the perfect earth.

Even Lex Luthor can't outsmart himself.

Real Lex Luthor secretly recruits his own merry band of villains and anti-heroes, Catman, Deadshot, Scandal Savage, Ragdoll, Parademon and Cheshire, by way of threats to their loved ones to combat Alex Luthor's villains.  The most important things that happen with regard to what comes after was that Cheshire and Catman slept together and Cheshire got pregnant, then she defected to the other side.  But the Secret Six had a spy in the villains ranks too, a woman called Knockout who is Scandal Savage's girlfriend.  The Secret Six put a stop to the other villain's shenanigans, earning the special emnity of Doctor Psycho and when it all kicks off during Infinite Crisis, they leave it to the heroes to sort it out.  Parademon is killed, and now down to five they decide to stay together as a mercenary band based in the abandoned House Of Secrets.

SIX DEGREES OF DEVASTATION - The Six are still down to five as this miniseries begins.  They are Scandal Savage, the lesbian daughter of Vandal Savage (you may remember him from Demon Knights) and their sort of leader; Knockout, one of Darkseid's Female Furies and Scandal's bisexual lover; Floyd "Deadshot" Lawton,  Thomas "Catman" Blake and Peter "Ragdoll" Merkel.  Only Knockout can be said to have superpowers, she is very strong.  Otherwise they are all Badass Normals. One thing you have to bear in mind as you read about them, these are NOT heroes.  They are deeply messed up individuals who do some bad things and some good things.  But in a universe full of goody, goody superteams it's refreshing to be able to pull for these flawed characters and how they navigate their way through the situations they find themselves in.  Simone is very good at giving each character a distinctive "voice" so they don't all blend into one. Anyway, lets begin.

North Korea. Not a fun place to live.

The story begins with in a North Korean camp for political prisoners. A prisoner is telling a man who is bound with a bag over his head the horrifying conditions there and how everyone there is going to end up dead sooner or later. "Do I look like I'm here to help you?" responds the bound up man.  A guard comes and takes him outside with the other prisoner to provide translations.  The interpreter tells the bound man the guard says he'll be his first American kill.

The man in question is actually Deadshot.  The rest of the Six parachute down nearby and hope they haven't been too late.  The North Korean commandant asks who his target was.  Deadshot asks if he knows a "Jip Li-An".  The commandant laughs and says that person was a traitor and died last week.  Deadshot says that he wasn't the target, but his widow is their employer.

Then he kicks the gun in the hand of the guard behind him who fires it in surprise and hits the commdandant in the chest, killing him. The rest of the gang arrive and deal with the guards.  Deadshot grabs a gun and starts doing what he does best.  Soon all the guards are dead.  With none left, the prisoners timidly go and pick up the guns dropped by the guards. As the five drive off, Deadshot remarks that it's only five miles to the Chinese border and some of them might make it.

The big boobed redhead is Knockout the replacement member.

Back at the House of Secrets, Scandal hands out their payments.  Then she warns them that Doctor Psycho is gunning for them and asks Catman to bring in the counter-measure they discussed.

Scandal: "And for everyone else.  Enjoy your vacation.  Eat well, get drunk, make love.. for I intend to do all thre with a complete lack of moderation."

Ragdoll goes to a restaurant for a fancy meal.  Deadshot is enjoying a nice walk in the park with his ex-wife and kid.  Scandal is in Bangkok with Knockout.  Entwined in each other's arms, looking out from their high up hotel roof, Scandal muses:

Scandal: "Thankyou for this, Kay.  I love this city".

Knockout: "Do you?  I must conquer it for you sometime then."

And they kiss.  Man, my girlfriends never promised to conquer cities for me.  I'm sad now.  Anyway, Catman ventures to a mysterious house to recruit their sixth member, who turns out to be The Mad Hatter from Batman's rogue gallery.

Suddenly Ragdoll is attacked by a knife wielding assassin in the restaurant.  Deadshot is accosted by assassins armed with swords, and in Bangkok, a helicopter with a woman armed with an exotic rifle in it fires upon Knockout and Scandal.  It embeds a ticking bomb in Knockout's skin, when she realises what it is, she flings Scandal clear and it explodes.  Deadshot is in trouble without his guns and Ragdoll is also being bettered by his assassin. In the creepy house, meanwhile, The Mad hatter agrees to join up with them.

Knockout tosses Scandal off (sorry)

The next issue begins with Scandal preparing to interrogate "Pistolera" the woman who shot Knockout.  And by interrogate I mean stabbing and slashing a bound prisoner with a knife.  The story then flashes back to the various attacks.  Ragdoll is surviving his in his own, inimitable style:

Ragdoll: "I break more bones than this myself before breakfast, muffin.  If you want me dead you'll have to crush organs."

And he manages to take his attacker out by ramming his arm down his throat. Deadshot is about to be executed by the sword wielding women, when his ex-wife tosses him a gun.  He tells the women to shoo, as he doesn't want to kill anyone in front of his kid.  Scandal floats in the water Knockout threw her in, then climbs out and finds Knockout's horribly burned body.  It is still breathing.  Scandal feels a rush of grief:

Scandal: "I felt only the weight of vengeance.  I felt the desire to visit the full wrath of my family's blood upon the woman who did this to you.  And for the first time I felt my father's hatred of humanity come to roil and fester right behind my eyes so intensely I could barely stand unaided."

And we're back in the present with Scandal getting all Jack Bauer on Pistolera.  Only unlike 24 which shows torture as neccessary and enobling, this shows torture as grubby and degrading for the person meteing it out, more out of revenge than a desire to know the truth.

Horrible, but it's meant to be. Don't piss off Scandal Savage.

Standing outside the room, Deadshot remarks that it's not Scandal in there but Vandal Savage's daughter.  Scandal tells Pistolero they should have attacked Catman, he's the worlds best tracker and found her easily.  Pistolera finally admits that it was Cheshire who arranged the hits and Catman was not to be targetted.

Catman comes in and they discuss what to do with the woman.  Catman says to let her go and Scandal agrees, but then Deadshot shoots Pistolera dead, taking the decision out of their hands.  He then says "Hatter's made some cake.  Who wants cake?"  Scandal tells Deadshot she doesn't know whether to kiss him or kill him.  She decides to kiss him, glad he took the only real decision that could be taken.

With Ragdoll in the hospital for injuries sustained in the attack against him, the rest travel to the Himalayas where Cheshire's base is.  They fight the kung fu monks inside and finally Cheshire appears.  She admits that Doctor Psycho was behind her arranging the hits. Scandal is about to kill her when she shows them something.

Cheshire, Catman and their baby, aww.

It's her baby son that she had with Catman.  He wants to take the baby away from her, but she says that'll activate a huge bounty on his head and he'd be dead within a week. So Catman pleads with Scandal to leave Cheshire alive for the sake of the kid.  Reluctantly Scandal agrees.  Back in the hospital, Doctor Psycho manipulates a nurse into taking him to the sleeping Ragdoll's room, where he intends to be up to no good.

The next chapter begins with Catman visiting Ragdoll in the hospital.  Scandal is busy trying to check Ragdoll out, when the nurse pushes an alarm that alerts the FBI agents to their prescence.  They come to arrest Ragdoll and the other two, because they are all still criminals.  But Catman and Ragdoll crash through a window and escape, meeting up with Scandal who has done the same.

Back at the House of Secrets, they are having a meal.  The Hatter has placed tiny little hats on the fruit in a bowl.  Scandal is sleeping by her lover, who gets up and removes her bandages to reveal she is totally healed.  She takes a shower and then walks into the kitchen area totally starkers, much to the enjoyment of Deadshot and Catman.  Hatter ignores her because she didn't have a hat on.

Ah strategic hair, very handy to avoid a NSFW label.

Scandal has a dream about her father, Vandal Savage.  He tells her that her mother was the only mortal woman he has ever loved.  He wants a grandchild.  She says no can do, but he is insistent, he wants an heir.  Vandal suggests Catman, but she says "no... he is a friend."  Vandal says chose something else, and as he starts to tell her why she will do this, we leave the dream and she wakes with a start and panics because Knockout is gone.

Knockout runs in and hugs her.  She explains she was engineered to "stay presentable even after the most greivous of wounds."  Then Deadshot pops his head round the door and says they have a lead on the women who attacked him.  "Suit up, we're going hunting."

A mind controlled Ragdoll attacks the rest of the Six.

They fly there in a helicopter and Ragdoll gets a phone call.  When he hangs up he starts attacking the others, apologising the whole time.  In the struggle, Knockout is um.. knocked out of the helicopter but manages to hang onto Ragdoll's hand.  He disjoints it off completely and Knockout falls.

Catman: "Last chance Doll, stand down or die."

Ragdoll: "I choose...Death".

They land the helicopter and notice that Hatter is having some sort of seizure.  Scandal says to leave him and search for Knockout.  She finds her unharmed.  Ragdoll appears, now back to normal and explains that he had a post-hypnotic suggestion implanted in his brain by Doctor Psycho when he was in the hospital.  He apologises again and before they can leave, The Doom Patrol appears.

The Doom Patrol arrive, it's them at the back.

I'm not sure which version of the Patrol this is, but as they are back in the DCU it's post Vertigo, and it has Beast Boy, Bumblebee and Mento in the line-up alongside Elasti-Woman, Robotman and Negative Man.  It doesn't actually match up to any line-up listed on the Doom Patrol wikipedia page, although I believe it's meant to be a version created during the Infinite Crisis event, but it's closest to Keith Giffen's version which was version five and who I wrote about earlier this year.  I'm a big fan of both the Doom Patrol classic that we have here and Grant Morrison's crazy reboot one.  Being a bunch of weirdoes and outcasts themselves they're the perfect team to take on the Secret Six. There is another link between the two. Both Secret Six and Keith Giffen's Doom Patrol got cancelled when the The New 52 was launched and no I am never going to let that go DC, despite The New 52 itself finally being retconned away too.

Cheshire and Doctor Psycho meet with Vandal Savage at his Japanese home and he feeds them soup and meat made out of Solomon Grundy, much to Cheshire's disgust.  Back with the Six versus the Patrol, Scandal says maybe they should try to talk to avoid an ass kicking.  However Robotman says they are all wanted by the police.  Catman says, yeah but it's all petty stuff.  Why are the likes of The Doom Patrol after them?

Catman also points out they have people in need of medical treatment.  Robotman says treatment first then jail.  So the Six attack them.  Elasti-woman grows to huge size, and Ragdoll gets a good look up her skirt before downing her by stabbing her in the ankle.  Beast Boy tries to get Mento (his adoptive father) to help her (his adoptive mother).  But Mento just jibbers about random stuff, so Negative Man releases the Negative Spirit upon them.

A mind controlled Elasti-woman chomps Robotman's noggin off.

There is a massive rumble and Deadshot goes to get the Hatter.  He uses his magic hat to attack the Doom Patrol psychically.  He mind controls Elasti-woman into biting off Robotman's head.  She picks up Beast Boy and is about to do the same when Scandal yells at Hatter to stop and knocks his hat off, which brings Elasti-woman back to her senses.  Robotman's decapitated head says:

Robotman: "Hey meatheads.  You can see we're still working the kinks outta this team.  You got lucky.  Get the hell out of here before we take all that away."

Back at the House Of Secrets, Ragdoll has his arm reattached.  Deadshot speaks with his ex-wife saying he can't see her and his daughter anymore but the cheques will still come.  she angrily tells him to "burn in hell" and hangs up.  Knockout comes in and Deadshot and her share a drink. Scandal dreams of her father again.  He says she must do as he commands or he will "take them from you."  Or she can come kill him, whatever.  She wakes up and goes looking for Knockout and discovers her in bed, shagging Deadshot.

Seriously, don't make Scandal mad...

Scandal is understandably pissed off and punches the shit out of Deadshot.  Knockout is confused as to what she has done wrong.  Catman comes in and wrestles Scandal off Deadshot:

Knockout: "Scandal, is it the sex?  Is that why you're angry?  Is that it?  On Apokolips after a battle the survivors always... This man means nothing to me.  Less than nothing.  Kill him if you must."

Deadshot: "Hey!"

Sorrowfully Scandal walks out on them, telling them to burn her things like she was never there.  And not to follow her either.  Deadshot tries to justify himself, but Catman says he "screwed all of us."  Scandal leaves in a plane to go to her father's house.  The rest of the Six have a meeting and Knockout says Scandal didn't leave over the sex, if she was really mad, Deadshot would be dead by now.  Also, Scandal loves her.  This was a ruse.

I like dramatic scenes where everyone is nude.

Hatter says she's gone to Japan to see her father, he knows this because he bugged all their rooms and Scandal talks in her sleep.  They all decide together to "go get our friend back."  In Japan Scandal is greeted by her father.  The Six fly to Japan themselves and when Catman finds out he was tapped to be Scandal's baby-daddy he is somewhat chagrined at being seen as a walking sperm bank.

Scandal tells her father that he has won and that he must not hurt her friends.  He says that if he was to lose her, he'd lose everything of the only woman he ever loved.  As she refused to shag Catman, he has picked a mate for her, Doctor Psycho.  Ew.  The Six's plane touches down outside and they come out fighting, taking on Vandal's ninja guards.

Opening a can of whoop-ass.

Meanwhile Scandal grabs a pair of chopsticks and buries them deep Vandal's his neck.  Doctor Psycho goes outside and tries to mind control them into killing each other, but Hatter overrides his psychic abilities.  Hatter gloats, which is suddenly cut short due to a poisoned knife in his back courtesy of Cheshire.

Hatter has a trippy dreamlike vision where he sees Cheshire as the Cheshire Cat and Doctor Psycho as the White Rabbit telling him to jump into a hole that is his grave.  Scandal brings him round, she says she can close the wound but he needs the antidote fast.  She shoots Catman a significant look and he obdiently goes after Cheshire.

What did I say about pissing off Scandal?

Inside Vandal has been impaled via two katanas to a post by Scandal.  As he frees himself, he says she is "willful, like her mother".  There is a chaotic fight going on outside, CHeshire tells Catman that if he wants the antidote, he'll have to have sex with her.

Catman: "Cheshire, your womb is the most Godammned dangerous weapon I've ever faced.  Worse than that... I can't believe I'm considering it."

Cheshire says he better make his mind up fast, so they disappear somewhere secluded.  Knockout and Scandal deal with the zillions of mooks and Hatter disappears to chse after Doctor Psycho.  Vandal Savage stands on the roof of his house and challenges Scandal to a one-on-one fight.  She agrees but tells Knockout that this house is his favourite and he despises disorder. "Displease him for me won't you?" she says, and they kiss.  Then Scandal climbs up to fight her father.

Dr. Psycho and Hatter grapple, while Scandal fights her dad.

Hatter catches Psycho trying to leave and they both fight each other.  Catman reappears with the antidote and Deadshot keeps the pressure on the masses of guards.  Scandal and Vandal battle, the house shaking as Knockout trashes the inside.  Catman finds Hatter next to the dead body of Doctor Psycho and gives him the antidote.

Vandal stabs Scandal through the hand with a katana, but then as Knockout makes a particularly big dent in his house, he and Scandal are knocked off the roof.  Scandal is left hanging on by her good hand, while Vandal dangles off her leg.  Vandal says he suddenly has no more desire to take her down and lets go, smashing on the rocks below.  Hatter then appears and goes to stab her through the hand she is hanging on by for the crime of knocking his hat off.

How fluffy and nice...

However Ragdoll appears and makes an appeal to him saying "we're your friends".  Hatter apologises and Scandal climbs up to safety.  She leaves Ragdoll and Hatter up there discussing friendship, Hatter says he will be a good friend to them.  Then Ragdoll pushes him off the roof saying thats as maybe but "there is only room for one dandy freak on the team".  He then strolls back to the plane where the others are waiting, telling them Hatter decided to stay.  So down to five again, they return to the House Of Secrets.

Once back there, Scandal thanks them for coming to help her, she says she plans on getting her tubes tied to prevent her father, who will come back alive again, from trying the same stunt again and she has no desire for kids.  She also tells Deadshot if he tries it on with Knockout again, she'll turn his testicles into earrings.  And the miniseries ends with poor old Mad Hatter left behind, with the only thing in life he can truly trust.  His hat.

You can always rely on a hat.

This second minseries is basically what makes this collection worth it.  It was good enough to land The Secret Six an on-going series following on from it, that I shall be covering over the next few months.  If I was in charge of putting the trades together, I probably would have given the Villains United one a miss if I wasn't planning on adding an explanatory page at the start.  And either released Six Degrees of Devastation as a six issue trade, or placed it in a larger collection like this with the first story arc of the on-going.  Six Degrees of Devastation is excellent though, while the art by Jimmy Palmiotti and Brad Walker is fairly standard but decent superhero mainstream stuff with some confusing action scenes in places, the writing is very strong.  Gail Simone strikes me as a very humane writer, able to find sympathy in even the most messed up characters, and having a strong lesbian couple at the centre of events who openly express affection for each other is something I enjoyed very much as well.  It gets very dark in places, but there are also funny jokes and surreal interjections and also it was nice to see The Doom Patrol again too. A worthy one hundreth book for this blog.