Demon Knights Book 2: The Avalon Trap (#8-12, #0)

"You know somehow that's not what I expected" - Al Jabr

This is the second volume of Paul Cornell's run on The New 52 series, Demon Knights.  In the previous book the seven "knights" were thrown together by circumstance to defend a village from attack and prevent the attackers marching on to conquer the city of Alba Sarum.  Well, they defeated the attackers, unfortunately they ended up destroying the village in the process.  This book picks up in the immediate aftermath as the seven travel to Alba Sarum to receive thanks and possibly a reward.  The seven knights are: the transgender Shining Knight (Sir Ystin), Jason Blood/Etrigan the Demon, Madame Xanadu, middle eastern scientist Al Jabr, the exiled Amazon Exoristos (Ex), Vandal Savage and the mysterious paraplegic, Horsewoman.  So far only Shining Knight's background has been elaborated on, while the others so far don't have much to discern one from another.  This volume will fill in the background of Madame Xanadu and her relationship with the body swapping Etrigan and Jason Blood.  It also features Avalon, the magical heart of Great Britain, which is something Cornell has explored a few times in his writing career and, like the values of tolerance, decency and fair play which Cornell seems to think are the defining characteristics of the Britsh, it's a complete fantasy.  The first arc of Captain Britain and MI-13 featured the Marvelverse Avalon and his sole contribution to the Eighth Doctor Expanded Universe novel series was also set in the pocket dimension of Avalon.  We've got Merlin, Morgaine, King Arthur and all that mystical folderol before us, so let us begin.

The story begins with the Seven on their way to the city of Alba Sarum.  Vandal Savage is telling them again how he purposely infiltrated their enemy to disrupt them and he didn't betray the others who are somewhat dubious still.  Jason is fast asleep.  Xanadu says after swapping with Etrigan for a long period he sleeps for ages.  The others wonder how the heck she got into this relationship and she responds "It's complicated and like so many things, it started in Camelot."

She recounts her first meeting with Jason while training in magic under Merlin.  Shining Knight says he was at Camelot and he doesn't remember them.  Vandal Savage muses that he raided Camelot several times over the centuries and it was often quite different each time. Shining Knight realise:

Shining Knight: "All my Gods!  There were many Camelots.. I could have gone home."

Exoristos says it wouldn't have been the same Camelot though.  They get back to the Xanadu/Jason/Etrigan triangle.  She and Jason became friends and started a tentative romance.  Then Camelot was attacked.  Xanadu was supposed to take the body of Arthur back to Avalon but she dived off the boat.  Jason was bonded to Etrigan by Merlin and each thought the other gone.

She made a life for herself as a fortune teller and general village doctor and so on.  She realised after several decades she wasn't aging.  She then made the mistake of staying in one place too long and the villagers decided to burn her as a witch.  But before they can set her alight, Jason appears.  When he realises who she is he summons Etrigan who kills everyone in the crowd then flies her away.

Etrigan, meet Xanadu.

She and Jason sleep together and realise immortality means they can be together forever.  But when he swaps with Etrigan, he attacks her saying he won't let Jason be happy.  Xanadu holds him off by saying he needs a powerful magician to help him break his link to Jason.  But perhaps she impresses her too much as he then starts wooing her with a dead sheep.

Xanadu: "I will work to help you.  But understand this... I love Jason... And you will never touch me!"

Unfortunately when Jason and Xanadu find a priest to marry them, Etrigan kills the priest and burns down the church.  Xanadu makes the difficult decision to accept Etrigan's romantic overtures, saying to him that sex with him would kill her, but she will be his love, "that was the sacrifice I made then and continue to make to this day."

Jason awakes and says it's time for Etrigan to appear and swaps places with him.  He has a slightly different take on his and Xanadu's relationship:

Etrigan: "Whenever someone tells you a true story, you should ask yourself, who is fooling who?"
Meanwhile in Alba Sarum, Merlin is in his lab and talking to person's unknown about how the city has been called the "new Camelot" and there are those who would destroy a city with that name.  Suddenly he is stabbed in the back by a hooded assassin and killed.

Backstab crits for 1000hp, Merlin is dead.

The next chapter begins with the two women who rule Alba Sarum assessing the Seven in a catch up for new readers which we can skip.  The Seven arrive finally in Alba Sarum but note that everyone seems to be in mourning.  Al Jabr and Vandal Savage get into a punch up over his maybe betrayal during the seige in the previous book.  Before they can escalate it too far, Princess Alba appears and invites them to the palace.  With them all done up in fancy finery, Etrigan observes:

Etrigan: "I've heard that the Princesses are betrothed having written the laws themselves to allow that.  But won't marry until their city is declared 'The New Camelot'"
Xanadu: "Power allows anything.  I hope common girls get the same."

The princesses then bring in Merlin's body, much to Sir Ystin's distress and Etrigan's anger.  Xanadu calms Etrigan and stops him ripping up the body.  The princesses say that his wounds have disappeared, he is still warm and smells of roses.  Xanadu says she has seen this before, have they heard of Avalon?

She says bringing Merlin's body to Avalon, they can reunite his body and soul or something. Anyway, they all make plans to go to Avalon.  Xanadu says she knows a way there from the ruins of her Camelot.  Etrigan says for the journey they'll need a ship, many barrels of mead and many, many magical weapons.

Etrigan knows how to pack.

The next day Ex and Sir Ystin discuss their mission.  Sir Ystin asks if Ex is just coming for the money.  Ex says that since the seige she has felt she has something to fight for and that it feels good.  Al Jabr meanwhile, is voicing his concerns to a Lord Gadfrey.

Al Jabr: "I'm hoping the fact the living can go to Avalon means it is not actually the afterlife.  I don't think God would appreciate me marching in."

He thanks Gadfrey for the new devices and goes to board the ship.  They set off on their joruney to the "savage wasteland" of Britain with Vandal Savage steering the ship.  Suddenly a huge sea serpent appears in front of them.  In hell, Etrigan, having swapped back with Jason, is talking to Lucifer and promises him Avalon.

Etrigan: "Sire.  It is my aim to give you Avalon, Merlin and the souls of all my comrades."

Back with the Seven, the giant sea serpent has pirates on its head steering it.  They try to hijack the Seven's boat, but Xanadu and Vandal Savage knock the beast out.  They pick up the pirates out of the water and says they can stay aboard if they steer the sea serpent in front of their boat to keep the other monsters of the sea at bay.

Sea serpent!

They arrive in Britain and in the first town they set foot in they hand over the pirates and show the seals of Alba Sarum to the town Reeve to show they have no ill intent.  They go to the local pub to discuss their next move.  They wonder if they should follow the coast, but a local called Gwyn Godwinson says they don't want to do that because of all the monsters.  However the land is not free of them either:

Gwyn: "Something bad had taken root in what had once been the best place of worldly honour... this darkness is comin' from Camelot."

The Seven set off with Etrigan to help them fight monsters.  And they are indeed attacked by a huge fanged beast, but Sir Ystin kills it by leaping from his flying horse Vangaurd and stabbing it through the head.  It transforms back into a normal wolf as it dies.

Shining Knight lives up to his name.

A day later they come to the marshes that are all that are left of the lakes that once surrounded this Camelot.  Al Jabr comments about all the monsters they have faced:

Al Jabr: "It's as though they've been transformed to be more like their essential natures."

They reach Camelot and it is in ruins bar a tower with a sickly green light shining out of the top of it.  Suddenly a zombie knight appears who Xanadu recognises as King Arthur, he doesn't attack he tries to communicate with them but can't speak properly. 

Zombie King Arthur

Suddenly, all of the Seven bar Xanadu change.  Etrigan becomes bigger and more imposing, Al Jabr develops a huge head to house his huge brain, the Horsewoman becomes a centaur, Sir Ystin becomes more masculine looking, Vandal Savage just becomes more handsome and although it's hard to make it out from the confused artwork layout, Ex becomes a twisted, squat being.  They have been tranformed into their "essential natures".

Xanadu: "I can feel this is dark magic.  Exoristos, how can you want this?!"

Sir Ystin: "She's hurting herself.  I'm proud of who I am... a true Shining Knight.  I think Ex wants you to see the opposite."

Etrigan uses his amped up power to deal with the creatures attacking them.  Arthur gestures that they should all follow him and he leads them to a fountain of pure energy.  Despite the protestations of the changed Six, he uses the fountain to change them back to normal.  Etrigan is pissed about losing his extra power and attacks Arthur who has now been returned to normal.  Arthur fends him off for now.

A rejuvanated Arthur.

Sir Ystin, Xanadu and Al Jabr all bow before him.  King Arthur tells them that the light that changed them would eventually have seen them degenerate into mindless beings.  He has used the last pure energy from Camelot to return them and himself to normal although it is only temporary while they are still there.

Xanadu asks why he is here and not in Avalon.  He said he felt the call to go home and found "a way that would only be used to leave, not return"  He realised something was seriously wrong with Camelot, it was centuries later and someone had erected the tower projecting the evil light.  The light tried to change him and when it could not, it started to show the years that "Avalon stores unseen".

The corruption of Camelot.

Xanadu says if they destroy the tower, they have a good chance of finding a way into Avalon.  Arthur agrees to help when they say it is for Merlin.  They attack the tower, a huge creature of earth rises up before them but they use water to defeat it.  Meanwhile an unseen voice commands their slaves to fetch Merlin's body which the others left in a cave.  And finally the voice is revealed to belong to a masked Morgaine Le Fey.

The Seven plus Arthur arrive inside the tower, which is bigger on the inside than the outside.  Xanadu says it's like "all of Camelot has been shoved in this smaller space."  They figure the evil light will be coming from Merlin's chambers and set off there.

Morgaine Le Fey

Morgaine watches their progress via crystal ball.  They come across the Round Table which has a pentagram in blood scrawled on it and corpses sat around it one of which Xanadu recognises as a "sister".  The Horsewoman says she is having trouble with the force that connects her to the horses.  Like she is being drained.

Exoristos: "By all the Gods!  It feels like death!"

The realise they have walked into a trap and more creatures attack. They fight back but one of the animals explodes into green poisonous dust which renders them all unconcious.  When they awake they have been magically manacled to the floor around an occult looking symbol.

A somewhat sticky situation.

Morgaine is now revealed to them and Xanadu asks what she wants with them.  Morgaine says she made the ruins of Camelot like the are now to lure Merlin back there, but it turns out having his dead body will be even more useful.  She had planned to take him over while alive, but now he is dead it will be even easier.

Now their energies will be drawn into Merlin's body to give him even more life before she takes up residence in him.  She promises to be be a "good person" when she has his body at her command.  Then she leaves saying soon everyone in the room will die.

Vandal Savage: "Unacceptable! I will not die so a woman with no face can gain different genitals!"

Etrigan has a plan though and he and Jason keep swapping back and forth until they overload the manacles.  Xanadu tells him to destroy the altar and this frees the rest of them. 

They find Morgaine and confront her, she makes a last ditch effort to take over Xanadu's body by turning into energy and firing herself at her.  Arthur however blocks her and takes Morgaine into himself.  He says that he needs to stop her taking him over fully.  He knights Sir Ystin again as "the once and future knight" then attacks the stream of evil energy which somehow makes it explode, killing him.

King Arthur's sacrifice.

The Seven and their horses escape the collapsed tower.  Xanadu looks for the entry to Avalon but it's no longer there.  Morgaine's desecration closed it.  Etrigan goes absolutely berserk.  He rants that they have made the mistake of thinking he has human feelings, but "I am demon born".  And he blasts them all with his fire, sending them all to hell.  And that ends the main part of the book on a cliffhanger.

The Zero issue begins with a young Etrigan being mocked for his poor rhyming.  Lucifer appears and laguidly dismisses his efforts.  He tells his major-domo to remove Etrigan's spine as punishment.  Etrigan throws a pity party:

Etrigan: "I have never been shown a moments kindness nor known a moments comfort".

That'll be the whole "being in Hell" thing dude, just sayin'.  Anyway he quits Lucifer's service and decides to foment revolution.

Etrigan starts to draw his plans together..

Meanwhile Jason Blood is in Camelot moaning about how strictly Merlin is treating him.  He kicks a table in a mirror of Etrigan's complaints he says "he underestimates me! Everyone does!".

Arthur tells Merlin to go easy on the kid then Jason accidentally blows up Merlin's lab in the background.  They go and take a look and an angry Jason grabs Arthur saying why won't Merlin's magic work for him?  Merlin zaps Jason into unconciousness.  Etrigan meanwhile starts his hostile takeover by challenging and killing the various faction leaders in Hell.

Stop being a little bitch Jason.

A still angry Jason Blood is in a jail cell for putting his hands on the king.  Nimue, the real name of Madame Xanadu, listens to his complaints about being made for a greater destiny than this.

Jason Blood: "There is something in my nature that needs balancing Nim.  You know I dream of doing... terrible things.  If I let my anger out."

Merlin goes to the oracle, Morgaine le Fey who says she is only helping because Nimue is her sister.  She predicts Jason will kill Nimue if not "granted some great quest to heal himself."  Merlin sighs, he now has to "do something awful".  In Hell Etrigan has managed to get several Hell legions on his side.

Bernard Chang's artwork really is good.

Lucifer watches with amusement wondering how he can crush Etrigan with the maximum humiliation.  Then Merlin appears and proposes a "bargain".  Lucifer appears to the forces ranged against him, says Etrigan failed to impress him once again, and he opens a portal to the mortal world which sucks Etrigan in and leaves his fighters leaderless and they back down.

We then get a rerun of events shown to us in book one in case we are goldfish and forgot.  Camelot is attacked, Jason is summoned to Merlin's lab and bounds to Etrigan, Camelot falls. 

2 become 1.

Etrigan, now back down at the very bottom of Hell's hierarchy swears to kill everyone Jason cares about if bought to the mortal world.  Jason says he'll commit suicide in that case and trap Etrigan in "this prison of flesh".  Etrigan changes his mind:

Etrigan: "It seems I have been rash.  Give me time, get to know me.  Perhaps we can make a deal".

The story ends with Jason walking away from the ruins of Camelot.  We are told that over the centuries Etrigan climbed back up Hell's hierarchy and as for Jason "perhaps he started to accept his situation.  Etrigan never did."  The end.

And all he really needed was a good therapist...

And once again I have to register several complaints about this volume, while the pacing has been improved other aspects still bother me.  The main one being that we have seven characters who all sound the same, the same jokey comments and snarky asides and I have to wonder why.  These are a team made up of people originating from different time periods, or in the case of Ex and Al Jabr, different cultures and yet nothing is made of this fact.  The other problem is that eleven issues in, the only characters we know a decent amount about are the ones previously established in DC lore, yes The New 52 was supposed to be a clean slate, but we've simply got a slight variation on a previous theme.  The more potentitally interesting new characters have been pushed to one side.  It's a waste.  The art is a mess as well, although I have only credited three artists, Diogenes Neves, Oclair Albert and Bernard Chang, many of the issues had up to five inkers and pencillers working on them which doesn't help with clarity.  It's notable that the Zero issue, which is entirely pencilled and inked by Bernard Chang is far, far superior to what was being put out by the main series. 

Also the zero issue had the great potential storywise, the origins of Etrigan?  Should have been gold.  But whereas Alan Moore portrayed The Demon as an essentially noble being who nonethless served hell while helping Swamp Thing for his own inscrutable reasons, and Garth Ennis gave us an Etrigan who had a wicked sense of humour and buckets of amoral cunning.  Cornell gives us an Etrigan who is a fucking idiot.  Well it's a new take I agree, but not an especially welcome one.  I simply cannot believe that Etrigan no matter how young and headstrong would have the desire or means to believe he had a chance to take down Lucifer.  And Jason Blood got bonded to Etrigan due to anger management issues?!  Fuck. Off. Etrigan linked to the mortal world has been responsible for more death than Jason alone ever would have. I have to wonder if Cornell was suffering editorial interference as he left the title after his resolution of the storyline in the next volume.  I know he has the chops for comic book writing but something went seriously awry on this series.  So check back in a couple of months for the resolution of the cliffhanger and how a new writer approached the material.

Red Sonja Book 1: Queen Of Plagues (#1-6)

"We were never meant for lingering in sickbeds we two" - King Dimath

Time for some more Gail Simone, this time her 2013 reboot of a somewhat previously problematical female hero, Red Sonja.  Notable for wearing only a chainmail bikini which has made comic conventions sexier places than usual thanks to dedicated cosplayers, Red Sonja's character history needed to be completely rewritten to make it acceptable for a modern-day female comic character. When she was first created in 1975 by Robert E. Howard and Barry Windsor-Smith, her backstory was that she was brutally raped, when she can't even lift a sword to defend herself she calls to the heavens to help, and the Goddess Scáthach appears and imbues her with incredible fighting skills but she can only sleep with a man if he defeats her in fair combat.  Which all sounds a bit icky and sexist nowadays, so that has been removed from origins.  Now she is a smelly, drunken, sex-hungry traveller, who honed her fighting skills when thrown into an extreme survival situation and she always looking for someone to romp with, male or female, though she doesn't find opportunities for sexy times nearly as often as she would like.  She rarely wears the iconic chainmail bikini as well, dressing far more sensibly according to the weather.  In short she's now a kickass bisexual female barbarian hero without the rapiness and reliance on a stronger man who can "take her" to get her jollies.  The art by Walter Geovani is commendable as well, clear and crisp with a muted colour palette suiting the olde worlde aspect of the story. All the covers, including the varients were drawn by women and it's amazing how many put her in the metal bikini, not that I am complaining!

Hail to the King, baby!

This first six issue arc introduces this new take on Sonja, as well as acting as a self contained story arc of it's own.  After an enthusiastic introduction where Simone tells of how much being allowed to create a new take on the character meant to her, the story begins with a battle and a King claiming victory over the Zamorans.  This is a flashback from "three turns of the seasons past."  The King wants to face the Zamaron king but he has been lost somewhere during the battle.  The king asks where his son is and his knight says he has heard that his son was seen "harrassing" the dead.

His son arrives and says he was collecting "humors and specimens" and apologises for not fighting alongside his father.  He hopes he'll finds a way to make him proud one day.  They descend into the dungeon where eighty prisoners were forced to fight for the entertainment of the Zamorans.  Only two are left, bound to posts.  The king orders them freed, fed and bathed.  One of the women manages to say her name, "Red Sonja".

The action then cuts to the present day and she is sleeping by a fire in a forest when three scavengers come upon her.  She says they can take the gold and other stuff if they like, just not touch her sword as she'll send a throwing knife into one of them's head.  The lead scavenger asks why she hasn't done it now to stop them taking her stuff.

Red Sonja: "Because I am drunk scavenger.  My aim could be off a bit.  I might get blood on my horse."

Suddenly two girls burst into the clearing armed with bows saying they will defend her.  But the lead scavenger attacks one and this rouses Sonja in anger.  She grabs her sword and stabs up two of the three scavengers.  The final one pleads with her, then vomits blood on her.  He has the plague.

Red Sonja, classic style.

The two girls say she is summoned by King Dimath, the man who showed her kindness when she was tied up in the slave pit.  She agrees to go with them and asks them to brew up a concoction so foul it will make her angry enough to forget she is drunk.  She leaves the dying man her booze and a knife to end his life with.  She and the girls depart as he drunkenly sings to himself.

The reach the town garrison and the girls get Sonja cleaned and prettied up much to her annoyance.  She meets with King Dimath and he calls her "sword daughter".  He lays out the situation.  Their army is gone, the plague took them.  The other city states refuse to send aid due to the plague.

Sonja doesn't normally "do" pretty.

The Zamorans are on the march with a terrifying new general and beasts that walk like men.  All that are left are the craftsmen and farmers, and the women and children.  He wants Sonja to train them to fight off the Zamorans who are on their way to take the town.  Sonja agrees and throws herself into it but secretly believes:

Red Sonja: "It's hopeless.  Of course it's hopeless.  I can teach them tactics, I can't teach them war.  But they have heart.  And they have nowhere to go."

The day of the battle arrives, Sonja rallies her motley troops but then sees the new Zamoran general, it is a woman called Dark Annisia, her "sister" in the Zamoran slave pen.

As she and Annisia fight on the battlefield, Sonja remembers when they were the last two scheduled to fight in the slave pit.  The two bow wielding girls, Nias and Ayla charge into battle next and then the king orders a full on attack.  Sonja and Annisia fight and "for a moment... we are eternal."

Sonja versus Dark Annisia.

The action flashes back to them tied up in the slave pit. A gross, froglike Zamoran leers at them and looks forward to seeing who will win the next day.  Left alone Annisia says she will not raise her sword to fight Sonja.  Either Sonja or the Zamorans can kill her.

Back in the present, Annisia screams that Sonja dishonours the dead and shames them both.  Sonja wrestles her to the ground, but gets stabbed in the thigh.  Annisia keeps ranting about Sonja's betrayal.  Sonja says she never betrayed Annisia.  Annisia says not her, she means "Them.  Do you not see them?  They follow me always" and she gestures to empty air behind her, but where she sees many ghosts following behind her.  The ghosts of everyone they killed in the slave pit.

Annisia: "Can you not hear their endless cries of grief and hate?"

The haunting of Annisia.

Sonja says she can see no one.  Annisia says she is a liar.  They demand she make hell full of souls to ease their solitude.  So it is left to Annisia to bring them companions and solace, by killing many people.  King Dimath charges her, but she throws a sword through his throat and kills him.  Sonja and his son run to him, but he is dead.  Sonja says she will have Annisia for that, Annisia says no, she'll stand down as she has the plague.

Annisia says to the kneeling Sonja that she will die puking her guts out, alone and afraid. She will have waking dreams of loved ones long gone and she can't understand why Sonja risked everything for the rag-tag defeated army of Dimath's.  She kisses Sonja full on the lips.

She then offers a deal.  If Sonja surrenders her sword and her honour, they'll allow the survivors to return to the town, but a fence will be put round it to prevent the plague getting out.  Sonja agrees.  Annisia exiles her to the snowy mountains of the north.

Annisia: "You are no longer Sonja the Devil.  You are nothing. You are no one."

Sonja is marked round the eyes to warn she is plagued then sent with a horse to travel alone until the disease finally claims her.

Sonja goes into exile.

Sometime later a sickened Sonja ponders her horse.  She knows it is fading too but she can't turn it loose because if she couldn't look after it, she'd forget to look after herself.  A beautiful white stag appears in front of her, she goes to kill it but it's majesty is too great.  She ends up collapsing in the snow and the white stag lies down next to her.  She dreams of meeting her father who says she has one last task to do and carry out the custom of their village.

There is then another flashback, Sonja and her brothers are out hunting and she chases a white stag.  But when the others catch up she says she let it go and cannot explain why.  Back home her father, the village cheif says she knows more about tracking and shooting than anyone in the village, but she cost them food for today and she may never be ready for the hunt.

That night her village is attacked by marauders.  In the ensuing battle every single person in the village except for her is killed, and the houses and fields burned.  She is restrained by one of the men and when she asks their leader why they did it he says "It's because we were bored, Hyrkanian".

The oranges of Red Sonja.

Sonja is left alone with her captor who wants to have his way with her, so she slips out of his grasp and stabs him in the gut.  Then puts an arrow in his head for good measure.  She then begins the laborious task of burying the dead.

Red Sonja: "And that is the story of how Sonjita, just twelve years old, daughter of the chief, dug the graves for everyone she had loved... and then I, Sonja of Hyrkania truly hunted for the first time."

One by one she lures the men away from their campfire and into the forest, sleathily taking them out.  All twenty end up dying by her hand, with the final one so freaked out he yells "kill me, you devil!" And Sonja finds a new name for herself.

Revenged.

Back in the present she wakes with the white stag still next to her, it talks to her and tells her to perform the custom of her people, and she starts to dig her own grave.  But she is too weak and collapses and the wolves come to investigate.  Then Nias and Ayla burst in on the scene and tell Sonja the king's son found a cure for the plague.  But then they realise she isn't responding and that "Red Sonja is dead!"

Outside the fenced of town of Patra, Annisia and her army are still camped out.  A peasant from inside the village makes a run for it but is captured.  He says they are starving because they can't access the fields to grow crops, and that no one in the village has died of the plague since she sent Sonja away.  Annisia asks the ghosts what she should do with the peasant, they say no mercy and Annisia chops his head off.  She then says she doesn't want to be known as Dark Annisia anymore, but Red Annisia.

Back with Sonja, she is not dead.  But is being treated by Ayla and Nias, they feed her an elixir that Tiath the kings son made that will temporarily relieve her symptoms so they can get her to him for the proper cure, they also blindfold her to protect her eyes as they heal.  They make a board for her to lie on and pull it behind their horses.

Nias and Ayla to the rescue.

They camp out later and Sonja is able to speak to them.  They say they need her to be their general again.  Sonja says being that means being able to assess who is a asset and who is a liability.  When they demand to know what she thinks they are, Sonja replies: "Kind hearted. Loyal spirited.  You will never be soldiers."

Back in the past we get to see Annisia and Sonya fighting in the slave pits.  Annisia gives Sonja some combat tips, as well as advising she pick a small, quick weapon.  The next day Annisia and Sonya win their fight in the pit, watched over by the Zamoran king Bazrat himself.  Sonja chops off one of her opponent's heads and holds it up proclaiming that she is Red Sonja.

In the present, while getting fresh water and food, Nias and Ayla are captured by a Zamoran patrol.  Red Annisia has said to make an example of them, so their leader says to de-bone them like a fish.  Then Red Sonja, still blindfolded and armed with a bow appears.  She kills all but the leader and the one holding Ayla and Nias, who stab him to death. 

Even half dead Sonja will Kick. Your. Arse.

The Zamoran leader drags Red Sonja into the river with him, she recognises him as the slave keeper and chops off his hands before kicking him over the waterfall. A newly determined Sonya says the people of the village need to be saved from Annisia, "I'm coming for you sister, do you hear?"

Some of Annisia's men and mer-men are keeping watch close to the village.  Suddenly a string of severed heads is chucked at their feet by Sonja.  Then she Nias and Ayla take all but one of them out.  The one spared is to return and give a message to Annisia.  "I will meet her in the place where we were made."  Once they are alone, Red Sonja half collapses and has to take more potion.  She doesn't like relying on magic, but the girls say it's something called science, not magic.

As they ride along, Nias says she was barely able to open her eyes but she still became the destroyer when they needed her to be.

Sonja: "Being Sonja means being called to darkness and pain and knowing you have the power to alter and take the lives of many.  A great many.  And praying to the Gods that you chose the right side."

The girls show her the Kings grave.  They managed to get it away from Annisia who had ordered it cremated along with the livestock.  A humble grave, but at least they buried him in the place he loved the best.  Another flashback to three years ago.  Dimath is concerned they haven't been able to find Bazrat.  Then he wishes to speak with the women from the pit.  He tells them he has arranged horses and some coin for them and they are free to go.

Dimath's grave.

He tells them not to let the evil done to them make them who they are.  Sonja kneels before him saying she is in his debt, "Red Sonja pays what's due, sire."  Back in the present Sonja mutters that she would "rather have full plate armour than memories sometimes."  Sonya asks where the cure is to be found, it's in a place by the town square.  When Sonja is told that Annisia closed down all the pubs, she gets super pissed off.

Annisia is communing with the angry ghosts that follow her.  The man from the watch who was sent to deliver Sonja's message arrives and tells her what Sonja said.  Annisia says she will meet Sonja, but also all the inhabitants of Patra are to be herded into the towers, locked in and then burned to death.

Meanwhile, Sonja is having the cure administered via a strange contraption with a huge leech attached to her stomach.  Tiath thinks that Sonja was more the son his father always wanted than he was.  Meanwhile Nias and Ayla have gone to rally the troops.  They declare themselves generals and the others say "we're doomed".

Ew.

Sonya is finally fully cured.  Tiath gives her the best chainmail and his father's sword.  Finally Sonja asks for something to scrub the plaguemark off her face.  Sonja and Annisia meet in the slave pit.  They both say that neither is the person they loved back then.  They begin to fight when suddenly the pit is surrounded by soldiers and King Bazrat appears in the throne looking down upon them saying he's come out of hiding to get what he didn't get three years ago, seeing both of them die.

He tells them to "amuse their king".  All the soldiers have arrows pointed at the women.  And a scantily clad lady is pouring drinks for Bazrat.  Annisia is shocked to find out he is still alive.  Bazrat then drops another bombshell, he reveals the plague is not a plague at all, it is a poison.  That was why the armies died first and no one else.  He waited out his time in exile and now is back, with a new army and the drink pouring woman being a general from his first army whose husband he killed.

The evil king Bazrat.

Annisia who had been given the job of burning "plagued" villages to the ground to contain it starts to have a breakdown.  "Sonja, I am drowning.  Help me."  She is surrounding by the accusing fingers of all the people she killed.  Sonja asked why he hated the Patran king Dimath so much he would raze entire countries.  Barat says actually he didn't want him dead he had a brutal respect for him, but Dimath was killed by Sonja and Annisia.  Sonja lays the Hyrkian curse upon him.

Then Annisia attacks Sonja, Sonja fights her reflecting that the pit never really left Annisia.  The one thing in this world she could not imagine harming.

Sonja: "I wish.. I wish for a better world."

Sonja versus Annisia round two.

In the village the women gathered by Ayla and Nias hold up a squadron of Zamoran troops and demand their uniforms.  Back with the Sonja and Annisia fight, Sonja manages to disarm Annisia and get her sword back.  Annisia pulls out two daggers and keeps goading Sonja about what she did to Dimath.  Then she suddenly hurls the daggers at Bazrat's two guards and kill them. 

Bazrat panics and tells the archers to kill them.  Annisia leaps ontop of Sonja and takes the arrows meant for both of them.  Angrily Sonja gets up and grabs her sword so she can "cleave him in twain".  She makes her way up to him and tries to frighten some of his men out of her way, they refuse to move so she murderises them.  Bazrat spots what he thinks are reinforcements but turn out to be Ayla and Nias's warriors in disguise.

A gruesome but fitting end.

Bazrat runs, but is stopped short by Annisia.  Before she and Sonja can kill him, the drink pouring woman says not to bother, he's about to die from the huge amounts of poison she just fed him, and indeed he suddenly collapses choking on blood and liquified internal organs.  But before everyone can take stock, Tiath runs up behind Annisia and runs her through with a sword, then yells he did it, he avenged his father's death.  Annisia dies in Sonja's arms, the angry ghosts now welcoming her with forgiveness.

Now Sonja confronts Tiath having figured out he poisoned her at the party before Annisia attacked the town.  Tiath says he did it because Bazrat says he and his father would be allowed to live if he killed the army and got rid of Sonja.  He begs Sonja not to kill him, saying he can cure suffering and death and the world will not know his like again.  "The price is too high" says Sonja and kills him.  She knights Ayla and Nias and leaves them in charge of the town and then departs saying:

Red Sonja: "I'm going to get drunk in a legendary fashion."

And that concludes the first arc of the new Red Sonja.  I enjoyed it very much, not knowing much about the character beforehand except that Red Sophia in Cerebus was a parody of her.  This is a very "feminist" tale.  All about female friendships and empowering women with kickass characters who are by no means perfect Mary Sues, but who you like all the same.  The flashbacks are well spaced and breaking Red Sonja down via the poison, only to build her back up the badass ladder as she slowly gets better was a great idea.  Easy to show a healthy, powerful top of their game fighter, but more interesting in someways to see how that same fighter would cope sick, half-blind and on the edge of collapse through an entire battle.  Gail Simone is able to write dialogue that feels authentically period without getting all flowery and her characters also all have distinctive voices in the narrative. The collected volume also has all the varient covers done by female artists and a script exerpt from chapter one. All-in-all, a great start to the new Red Sonja ongoing series.

The Punisher MAX Book 2: Kitchen Irish (#7-12)

 "You start a war and then whine about the way we fight it.  Typical fucking paddy" - Yorkie

The Punisher MAX was a sixty issue series written by Garth Ennis and drawn by a variety of artists, set out of the main Marvelverse continuity and aimed at adult readers, it does not hold back on the swearing, sex and extreme violence that logically would be the reality of a man like The Punisher's life, unlike his relatively neutered mainstream anti-heroic portrayal in the 616 Universe.  Here Vietnam vet Frank Castle is just another criminal, a man who lost his wife and two children in 1976 when they were caught in the crossfire of a mafia territorial battle and since then, despite approaching sixty in the mid-noughties when this is set, he keeps up his neverending Sisyphean fight against crime both organised and disorganised. In book one which I covered last month, Frank, with the help of a large machine gun wiped out a good portion of the East Coast Mafia high command.  This reverberates through the rest of the series as other gangs start trying to take advantage of the sudden power vacuum.  In this volume we learn more about New York City's Irish mobsters as a deceased man called Nesbitt head of the major Irish mob family "The Westies" pulls a massive dick move on all the Irish factions based in Hell's Kitchen.  Once again, I would remind readers that Garth Ennis is a NORTHERN Irish atheist, hence his somewhat cynical attitudes towards the US and it's Irish community's support of the IRA.  Of course the British military aren't depicted as perfect either with wetwork peformed in the US here and without the US government's knowledge, but he obviously has far greater respect for them than he does the IRA and those who sought to keep The Troubles alive after both sides stood down and sought a peaceful solution to a horrific and long running conflict.

Cuntinuity IRA more like.

The story begins with Frank having a drink in an old skool Irish pub in Hell's Kitchen, reflecting on the gentrification of the area right down to the change of name.  Suddenly a bomb goes off, turning the pub into an inferno of fire and flying glass.  Frank comes around, mostly unhurt and is greeted by the horrific sight of a woman missing her arms stumbling towards him.  He freezes but she "vomits blood and glass" and drops dead, to his relief.  He then discovers a young man with a hole in his chest but still alive.  Frank reaches in and manually keeps the man's heart pumping with his hands.

Frank: "For no reason I can pin down, it becomes very important that this guy makes it.  Maybe he has a wife and kids.  Maybe he wants to see them again like nothing on earth".

A young paramedic arrives and they get him stabilised.  Frank gets his arm injury stitched up them makes himself scarce.  Later on he returns to the scene and overhears two cops discussing the fact that it looks very much like the IRA set the bomb off.

Finn Cooley.

The action then moves to three men, Michael, Peter and an Irishman with a horrific burn scarred face Peter calls "Uncle Finn".  Finn set the bomb up, but the radio detonator got triggered too early and they missed their target.  Finn says now that it'll be them "the Rats. The Westies and that fucker MaGinty" all doing their level best to butcher each other.  Peter passionately exclaims that they need Nesbitt's money for weapons because the people back home have sold out to the "farce" of the peace process.

Back with The Punisher, he is spying on the leader of the Westies - Tommy Toner - and plans to kneecap him and take him somewhere to find out what he knows about the bomb.  Before he can do it, a van pulls up and Tommy is dragged inside.

We then see an old man in a park watching his grandson playing.  A black man with an Irish accent identifies him as "Napper French" who used to "disappear" people for The Westies. He tells Napper he is MaGinty and he wants Napper to "disappear" a man but keep him alive as long as possible.  And if he doesn't his grandson will be killed, simple as that.

MaGinty.

We are then introduced to two members of the British military undercover in New York.  Yorkie, an older man who owes Frank from way back, and Andy a young soldier, both of them here looking into Finn Cooley.

Back with MaGinty, he has Tommy Toner tied to a bed and it's going to be Napper's job to cut bits off him to be mailed to Tommy's wife while keeping him alive as long as possible.  Napper's grandson is handcuffed to a heater, utterly terrified.  We then meet the "River Rats" a small Irish gang who rob luxury yachts like modern day pirates.

Frank meets up with Yorkie and Andy.

Frank meets with Yorkie and Andy and they tell him about Finn's background and how he got his facial wounds when a bomb he planted blew up in his face.

Yorkie: "If there was one thing garanteed to warm the heart of any British soldier, it was one of thise fucking wankers blowing himself up by accident."

Yorkie says that strictly speaking Finn isn't in the IRA anymore, but the "Continuity IRA" the fucks who rejected the Peace Process.  He's hooked up with Michael who is likely the only man at the US end of the operation sympathetic to him still.

Yorkie and Andy have been sent to deal with him, without Washington's sanction.  Yorkie believes Frank can help them as he is the local expert.  Andy is there because his father was the last British Soldier to die in Norther Ireland, shot by a sixteen year old Peter Cooley.  Realising Andy is there to avenge the death of a loved one, Frank agrees to help, "just make sure this is a one off."

Talking tactics.

Peter, Michael and Finn are drinking in another Irish bar.  Finn sneers at the Irish Americans "Narrowbacks" he calls them.  Michael says they did well enough out of the shitheels over the years funding the IRA.  Then one of the patrons recognises Finn and drunkenly toasts him and everyone loudly joins in, only to be silenced when The Punisher appears in the doorway.

Frank: "Anyone not wanting to die for Ireland better clear on out."

Behind him are Yorkie and Andy.  Andy is impressed with the effect Frank has on people.  Yorkie tells him no killing yet, Frank wants a prisoner.  Frank approaches Finn and says he wants answers.  Unfortunately the River Rats are also in the bar and armed.  Frank blows the face off one of them before she can shoot him and a full on gun battle breaks out.

In some ways Frank is a monster.

Finn takes a hostage and he and Michael manage to escape using him as a shield.  Frank clears the bar usings a grenade killing most of the River Rats.  Peter Cooley has taken two bullets to the legs and has been left behind, now Frank has a hostage.  The last few River Rats lick their wounds elsewhere.  Their leader Polly says she can rustle up new members easily.

Back at Frank's safehouse, Peter is tied up.  Yorkie reels off the murders he knows he's done and introduces Andy to him.  Peter says he "won't scream for you, ye fuckin' British bastard."  Yorkie says he'll probably scream for The Punisher.

Yorkie: "All in all boy.  I'd say you were fucked."

A messed up Finn and Michael nurse their wounds in a bar elsewhere.  Michael fills Finn in on who the Punisher is.  Finn loses hims temper and starts ranting that all his life he's been "someone's nigger".  The black gentlemen in the bar they are in however do not appreciate his language.

Oops.

Peter meanwhile is refusing to co-operate.  Peter says he won't betray Finn to him even though Finn left him behind.  "Oh hard man" mocks Yorkie, but then says he knows Peter isn't.  He never got caught and has some enhanced interrogation administered to him by the R.U.C, so is he sure he doesn't want to talk?

Frank goes to remove the bullets in Peter's legs with a knife.  Andy is getting a little queasy about all this, Yorkie tells him to go outside and get some fresh air while Frank gets to work.

Tommy Toner's wife Brenda has received his hand in the post, she is somewhat unconcerned.  She mentions MaGinty is trying to spook her over Nesbitt's will.  She calls a meeting of the Westies and tells someone to throw Tommy's hand in the bin.  MaGinty meanwhile has more pieces to post, Napper still can't believe Tommy is alive after all he's done to him.

Special delivery.

Peter has folded quickly.  He tells Frank and the others it's all about ten million dollars.  To be shared by his lot, The Westies, The River Rats and MaGinty.  The bomb in the pub was a failed attempt to take out the Westies and River Rats so the money would go further.  Frank thinks there is more to be told and suggests Peter tell him, "unless you thnk you can handle some real pain."

Peter tells them everything about Old Man Nesbitt.  He was apparently a horrible man to whom everyone was a cunt.  He led the Westies and used to run Hell's Kitchen back in the day.  "Uncle Finn" ran guns for him, he was related to the two kids who started The River Rats and even MaGinty hung around him, we later find he was Nesbitt's "pet" who he called "Paddy the fuckin' monkey".

Anyway, after he died his will said his money which was ten million dollars, was to be split four ways between Finn, The Westies, The River Rats and MaGinty.  Each one was given part of a code and if they all co-operated and put their parts of the code together they'd have the location of the cash revealed to them.  His letter said he wanted them to take the cash and fuck off and stop tearing the old neighbourhood apart.

Nesbitt.

Tommy Toner has invited everyone to a sit down in the pub that got bombed.  Finn had decided ten million could go along way if he didn't have to share it.  The plan was to kill the others and get the full code out of the lawyer who executed the will.  After this confession from Peter, Frank doesn't like it. "Once a bastard, always a bastard.  So what was he really thinking?"

Brenda and the Westies have been mailed more pieces of Tommy.  Brenda declares Tommy dead and herself the new leader of the gang, and she isn't afraid of MaGinty either.  Frank decides to lure the Westies to a safe place for a firefight.  He calls them pretending it's MaGinty and that they'll trade Tommy for Brenda's part of the code and to meet on "Pier eighty-six" a ship called The Intrepid.

Michael and Finn are lurking outside the Westies club and when they leave they follow by car.  Polly and the River Rats have heard about the meeting and set off for the pier as well.  Back with Napper, he despairingly asks Tommy, "why won't you just fuckin' die?"  Then MaGinty brings Napper's grandson into the room and he screams in terror at the sight of his blood covered grandad and the half dead Tommy.  MaGinty laughs at Napper's distress then says he needs one last bit of Tommy.

Brenda, new leader of the Westies.

On the Intrepid, Frank lays into the Westies with an assault rifle while Yorkie and Andy fire at a distance.  While Frank concentrates on The Westies, he doesn't notice MaGinty has climbed up behind him. The police start to arrive and Yorkie yells to Frank that he and Andy can't be caught here.  At the last minute Frank clocks MaGinty and shoots at him.  MaGinty manages to avoid being hit and runs off, tossing Tommy Toner's head onto the deck as he goes. 

The head is spotted by Brenda as she and the few remaining Westies make their escape.  The River Rats, Finn and Michael and MaGinty also all make strategic withdrawels.  MaGinty arrives back at his flat alone and is knocked out by Napper who ties him to the bed and gags him telling him he'll get to see the master in action now.

The Punisher gets to work on The Westies.

Back at The Punisher's safehouse they discuss the fact all the factions are out of cannon fodder now and might get desperate to actually co-operate.  Yorkie goes and gives a tearful Peter a sandwich, Peter wails that it's like torture not knowing when he's going to be killed.  At the Westies club, Brenda is getting some buckshot pulled out of her arse, when Finn shows up and lays out the case for co-operation now they seem to be out of options.

Peter and Yorkie then have a long chat about the Northern Irish situation.  Yorkie tells Peter that no way was Finn going to spend the ten million on guns for the Continuity IRA, more like plastic surgery and other luxuries.  He says he's not like Peter, not the one with the all consuming cause.  Peter says the army fought them for thirty years, was that not a cause?

Yorkie: "A job, you dickhead.  I'm a British soldier, I'll fight any cunt who tries it on."

Yorkie says the IRA never seemed to understand that.  That the other side "might not give a fuck."  He says they never invaded his country, never turned it into a fight for survival.  Peter responds by saying they hit the mainland loads of times.  But Yorkie says "you never hit my house."  They never turned it into a fight for survival in a way that counted.

Peter and Yorkie talk politics.

He says it was a game since it all kicked off in '69.  The army couldn't sweep in and kill the lot of them, the IRA had to limit their atrocities to avoid freaking out the yanks backing them, Omagh and Enniskillen being own goals in that way.  The army kept a lid on them and that's all they had to do.  Peter angrily says they sent many soldiers back home in boxes, Yorkie says the IRA were good target practice.  And now there is a Peace Process that Peter wants to ignore:

Yorkie: "Is never giving in, never compromising.  Is that really so great?  When many parts of your country have been turned into hell? While three thousand have died for sweet fuck all?"

Yorkie then tells Peter to make his peace with God as when he has killed Finn Cooley, "young Andy out there's going to shoot you in the head."  As Frank cleans and prepares his guns, Andy and Yorkie chat.  Andy says he feels like he's up to his eyeballs in blood, well "welcome to Ireland" responds Yorkie laconically.

The Troubles keep on troubling.

Napper starts working on the restrained MaGinty and starts with his fingers.  But before he can do much more, a couple of MaGinty's boys arrive and blast him in the face with a shotgun.  They free MaGinty, who comes to a decision.  He goes to the club where Brenda and Finn are, ready to work with them.  The River Rats also turn up ready to play nice.

Everyone takes out their part of the code.  It forms a grid reference which points to the money being stashed on an old abandoned boat owned by Nesbitt.  They all leave together and Frank, Yorkie and Andy follow them.  Frank is still suspicious of Nesbitt's motives. 

The Kitchen Irish all board the boat and start looking for the money.  Yorkie and Frank also board and start to fight, Frank tosses a stun grenade but Finn recovers from it too fast and throws a grenade at Frank who gets caught in the explosion.  Finn starts beating a stunned Frank with his fists, but Frank retaliates by biting Finn's face, who then runs off.

And Nesbitt gets the last laugh.

Yorkie drags the still mostly incapacitated Frank out of the hold and back onto the deck.  Then Polly of the River Rats, Brenda, MaGinty and Finn all converge on Nesbitt's stash.  They open it and it contains no cash, just a huge bomb with the word "CUNTS" written on it.  It instantly arms and blows up everyone on the boat bar Frank and Yorkie who escape with Andy in a raft.

The next day Andy walks Peter to a quiet spot and executes him.  Frank takes his leave of them, and Andy says to Yorkie that he feels no different.  His dad is still dead and he feels no different.

Yorkie: "Look at old Frank there.  He's been doing this for thirty years.  D'you think he feels any different?"

Cue sad theme music and... we're out.

And that concludes the book.  Kitchen Irish is a good book with lots of colourful and interesting characters.  Yorkie is especially good, a likeable career soldier who seems in places to be a mouthpiece for Garth Ennis's views on The Troubles.  The fact that several pages is taken up with characters from both sides simply sitting down and having an argument makes the book have a polemical feel in places.  And Ennis seems very much on the side of the British soldier in this case.  Yorkie will show up again in a later book as he is too good a character not to be reused.  It also makes a comment on the essential hollowness of revenge, with Andy recieving no satisfaction from his vengeance, the same way Frank seems to take no pleasure in doing what he feels needs to be done to avenge his own gaping loss.  The artwork is suitably moody and has dingy colour palette well suited to the story where there is no black and white.  Just awful people doing awful things to each other.  Still a good read though, but not for the easily depressed.