Zenith: Phase 3 (2000AD #626-634, #650-662, #667-670)

"Come on Eddie.  What's a stupid kids programme compared to the end of the universe" - Zenith

This is it, this was the collection I was waiting for.  Although I own all the original progs, they are inaccessible to me right now so these lovely hardback reissues of Zenith have been wonderful nostalgia for me.  This twenty-six part epic ran during a period of time when The Galaxy's Greatest Comic was going out fortnightly rather than weekly, and there were two breaks in the run, the first being well over six months, meaning it took nearly two years to come to a conclusion.  It was agonising at the time because it is such a compellingly epic tale.  It's Crisis On Infinite Earths Morrison style, using expys and originals of a whole lot of old UK comic characters and telling a story of how they all came together to protect the multiverse from the Lovecraftian "Many Angled Ones" or the "Lloigor" as they are also known.  Phases One and Two explored the title character Zenith's life and background while building up the threat confronted in this volume.  The son of two government created superheroes in the sixties who were part of a counter-culture superteam called "Cloud Nine", he is a disposable late 1980's pop star, a teeny-bop idol who would rather use his powers of flight and superstrength to show off to girls than fight crime.  That said he still ended up defending Earth from a single Lloigor called Iok Sotot who was housed in the body of a superstrong Nazi engineered human alongside two others of the sixties superhumans, Peter "Mandala" St. John, now a Tory minister and Ruby "Voltage" Fox, now a journalist.  Phase Two saw him deal with his past and those who would seek to manipulate him as he put a stop to a meglomaniac's attempt to destroy London. Now the on-going plot threads have come together that will really put Zenith to the test as he becomes part of a superhuman army traversing parellel worlds to prevent the Lloigor taking advantage of a huge cosmic event.  On art duties once again is Steve Yeowell who is given the task of depicting masses of heroes and villains as well as apocalypses on a truly cosmic scale, which he does masterfully as per usual.

Before we continue, may I direct you to this excellent website which lists every hero that appears in the Phase (be warned, a couple of entries for the Cloud Nine members have spoilers for Phase Four).  Clicking on each image will tell you either which out of copyright UK character they are or which in-copyright hero they are expy's of.  Some fascinating stuff which even I didn't know (like Alternate 666 being the home of heroes based on rival publisher DC Thomson's characters, which is hilarious because they nearly all die!  Thanks Grant, stab me right in the childhood why don't you? Heee!).  Onwards.

Phase Two ended with the remainder of Cloud Nine (bar Peter St.John) hiding out on Alternative-303 when a  badly burned teenage boy came through a device for traversing parallel worlds called an "Einsten-Rosen Bridge".  The story begins in 1987, a little bit before that happened and shows us the what that resulted in that scene.

Billy Whiz, sorry, Jimmy Quick I mean.

It starts in 1987 on Alternative 666.  Two superhumans possessed by the Lloigor look down on a scene of devastation and one of them, Miss Wonderstarr comments, "what shall we do now?"  We then cut to a teenage boy called Jimmy Quick who finds two friends, Tiger Tom and an injured Tammy hiding out in a wrecked building.  Tiger Tom hands Jimmy a small disc and says despairingly "they killed my mum... what am I going to do?"

Jimmy Quick leaves and runs at high speed avoiding Miss Wonderstarr and her unamed companion.  He arrives at the Einstein-Rosen Bridge but one of his allies, "Mr.Why" has been taken over by the Lloigor too.  Jimmy Quick makes a rush for the bridge as Mr. Why blasts fire at him, it hits Jimmy just as he crosses over.  He was the terminally burned boy who arrived at Alternative 303 at the end of Phase Two.

It's now 1989 and Zenith is lamenting his failing career and that now being twenty-one he's over the hill.  Then a robot appears with "ARCHIE" painted on the front and it says "Aciieeeeeed!"  Meanwhile Peter St.John prepares to leave, the rest of Cloud Nine appear and he goes through the bridge with them.

Acid House will never die!

Archie tells Zenith he has to come to Alternative 23.  He has orders from Maximan, the "alignment" is soon so the are gathering all the superhumans from all the parallel worlds.

Archie: "Big trouble coming.  End of Universe.  Bad news.  Omnihedron.  Lloigor 'Bring Zenith.  Bring everyone!'"

Zentih shrugs and says "it should be a laugh" and leaves via the Bridge with Archie.  On Alternative 23 he finds himself in a huge building on a deserted world called "Axis Mundi". He bumps into Peter St.John and Ruby Fox and they are all greeted by a woman called "Mantra" who comes from Alternative 88, she belongs to "Black Flag" a group of "anarchist superhumans" who have basically organised this coming together.  Zenith walks out into the throng and starts mocking it:

Zenith: "I've never seen so many complete idiots in the same place before... all those pervy skin tight suits, it's brilliant."

Then Maximan, who on this world did not die in World War Two and has had "forty years to grow beyond us all", appears.  A hush descends as he introduces himself to them.

Ultimate Maximan.

Maximan has a strange way of speaking and garbles and adds odd words.  He starts to tell them why they are all here.  Zenith whispers "He's mad!" and that "he's got nothing on under that cloak!"  Then a man who is Zenith's counterpart from Alternative 300, called "Vertex", introduces himself.  He is pleasant and friendly and when he leaves Zenith mumbles "that was horrible."

We then return to Maximan.  The Lloigor have been waiting for thousands of years for the alignment.  All the parallel worlds will line up in a specific configuration.  When this happens,  "some terrible energy with be released."  He sees the various worlds from Axis Mundi and asked Black Flag to help.  They went to Alternative 257 but a superhuman called "Hotspur" was Lloigor possessed who started destroying and killing everyone including a member of their team "Smiley Sun", and they fled.  "257 is lost.  Lost to the Lloigor".

He then introduces a man called "Big Ben" who escaped Alternative 666.  Big Ben tries to tell them what happened but falters.  So Maximan plays the disc Jimmy Quick died to deliver.  It's an apocalyptic log narrated by "Prince Mamba" of the atrocities committed on his world. Buildings destroyed. People and animals strung up in barbed wire, still alive.

Prince Mamba: "That was what none of us could understand.  The cruelty.  The sheer cruelty of it all."

The Horror of the Lloigor in action.

He hands the recording over to Tiger Tom who will pass it on to Jimmy Quick.  We still hear his narration from it as we see how he met his end.  He says he plans on finding a place to hide and has pills to commit suicide if he is found, but we last see him being watched by Miss Wonderstarr so it's obvious he is now dead.  Maximan ejects the disc then says to the assembled that to defeat the Lloigor they have to totally destroy Alternatives 257 and 666.

As you might imagine this is met with some consternation amongst the heroes.  Then suddenly somebody comes through the Bridge.  It's Hotspur.  Meanwhile Ruby is having an encounter with Lux and Spook in their ethereal forms.  They say they can make her young again if she joins them, which she does.

Back with Hotspur, he gasps that he "burned them.. out" and he collapses.  Mantra takes his armour off to find a huge cross burned into his chest and stomach.  Later after he has recovered he gives a speech to the assembled crowd:

Hotspur: "I am living proof that the Lloigor can be subdued!  That we can cleanse my tortured world!"

Hotspur.

Then he starts singing a hymn.  The heroes are assigned which Earth they will go to.  Zenith grumbles about being sent to Alternative 666.  A woman called "Meta Maid" says she will be fighting alongside him and that she really fancies Zenith.

The rejuvenated Ruby goes and talks to Peter saying if he joins them he can be young again. Peter brushes her off saying the thought of returning to a younger self fills him with "horror and embarrassment."  Ruby stomps off calling him a "stupid old man."

Hotspur is to lead the assault on Alternative 257, Big Ben the assault on Alternative 666.  Zenith puts Big Ben down and he agrees that he is "not much of a leader" he just wants to stop the Lloigor.  As the two groups depart and Maximan watches them and smiles.

On Alternative 666 a hero called "Tommy Trident" is battling Miss Wonderstarr in front of her concentration camp.  He gets the upper hand, but she pretends the Lloigor has left her and he falters, she repays him with a vicious attack that severely injured him.  Also there is "Spring Heeled Jock", he thinks this is it for him, then Big Ben's team arrives, "and everything changed again".

Lux takes care of Miss Wonderstarr.

Battle is joined.  A wooden hero called "Oakman" viciously punches Miss Wonderstarr.  She zaps him and sets him on fire, the "Blue Wizard" puts it out by turning it into butterflies. She escapes but Archie and Lux find her and Lux tears her head off.  "One down" he says laconically.  They pick up the badly injured Tonny Trident and Spring Heeled Jock accompanies them down to London.

They arrive at the underground station where the remnants of the resistance to the Lloigor are hiding.  Because they aren't superpowered they have remained hidden from the Lloigor but now the new arrivals are here, their auras will be detected, "we need to move out" says Lux.

Desperate Dan Big Ben.

Tiger Tom and Tammy are still alive although Tammy is still very sick.  They are pleased to see Big Ben and think they will be safe now.  Big Ben turns away and pops some pills.  When Zenith queries this, he says they are anti-depressants.  Zenith asks what his problem is?

Big Ben: "My problem?  My whole world in ruins!  I've let everyone down!"

Zenith comments snottily that they are lucky he came back, "I wouldn't have." Lux then explains the special bomb he has been given by Maximan.  The "Chaostructor".  It opens a hole into the "Chaoetheric" and the chaos energy will consume the entire world.  The heroes native to Alternative 666 are aghast, but Lux is adamant.

Lux: "It's essential that we destablise the Omnihedron.  There's simply no other option."

Before the argument can continue, the three other Lloigor possessed superhumans crash onto the scene.  A running battle ensues.  "The Steel Claw" has his arm ripped off, "Catgirl" is blown up.  Mr. Why confronts Zenith saying "remember me..?"  He is Iok Sotot the Lloigor who possessed Masterman in Phase One.  Meta Maid comes to Zenith's rescue.  The unamed Lloigor possessed superhuman who was impaled on a hand from the actual Big Ben is still alive and screams "Kill them all!"

Fighting the Lloigor.

Mr. Why attacks Spring Heeled Jock.  The dog "Bobbie" bites him and he slaps him away.  Jock goes running after the dog and both get crushed under a Weetabix lorry. Angered by this Big Ben hurls a crashed aeroplane at the unamed Lloigor and they manage to escape.

Lux says they have to set the bomb off now before there are more casualties.  But the timer mechanism doesn't work, someone will have to stay behind and activate the bomb manually.  Tammy offers to do it as she is dying and doesn't believe she'll get better.  She takes the bomb and the others leave via the Bridge.  Tiger Tom however returns to her saying he couldn't leave her alone, "you always were my favourite cousin" and they start to kiss.  The Lloigor arrive and Tammy activates the bomb and Alternative 666 goes boom.

The end of Alternative 666.

We then join the team on Alternative 257.  Hotspur's team seems to also have had trouble and suffered some losses.  "We're not doing too well are we?" says Peter St.John, whose group has become seperated from the main one.  After bickering with Mantra who is confused as to why Maximan didn't see Lloigor possessed superhumans coming from other Earths, we cut to Hotspur leading a charge.

They are battling two Lloigor called "Mr. Lion" and "Mr. Unicorn".  They decide not to risk their bodies further and call up a Bridge of their own to escape through and wait for the Alignment.  Mantra, Vertex and Peter's team meet up with Hotspur's.  But Hotspur gets pulled into the Bridge and finds himself in the "Many Angled Realm" where he seems to recognise someone off panel.

A hero called "Thunderbolt Jaxon" is having difficulties.  His magic belt only bestows power when in the service of right and justice, "and well, it's not working".  I am ashamed to say at the time I missed this honking big clue that things were not what they seemed despite my suspicions about Maximan.

Archie to the rescue!

Then a Lloigor possessed called "Wyvern" appears and kills Jaxon.  Things look bad until Archie suddenly appears through the Bridge riding a T-Rex from Alternate 303.  "Electroman", newly possessed attacks, but is taken down by the powered up Ruby.  They recover the paralysed body of Hotspur and arm the bomb timer.  They all escape through the Bridge and Alternative 257 is destroyed.

Both teams retreat to Alternative 303 to compare notes.  The "Black Archer" demands to know if the have saved the universe. Mantra says I guess so, then when pressed says:

Mantra: "So what? I don't know!  I'm not in charge here, you know!  Why does everyone keep looking at me?"

The Black Archer rants that they lost too many people and don't know if it worked or not.  Big Ben is wallowing in self pity.  Zenith is not comforting, "cheer up.  It's only the end of the world".  Hotspur is still paralysed. The Black Archer says "he was the only one with any real guts."

He asks if anyone can telepathically read his mind to find out what happened to him.  Mantra says it could be a Lloigor trap. The Black Archer demands to know what happened to "Ace Heart" and "Captain Miracle" who went back to Maximan for help.  The Black Archer thinks they got blown up, Mantra keeps saying it's not her fault.

Hotspur communicates the awful truth.

Big Ben sits by Hotspur and says, "I think he's dead".  He then takes Zenith to one side and says before he passed Hotspur blinked at him in morse code and told him who did this to him:

Big Ben: "And it's Maximan.  Maximan is one of them.  It's Maximan."

Zenith goes and tells Peter who then says he believes someone amongst them is working for the Lloigor.  He gets Zenith to call Mantra over then the two of them confront a superhuman called "Streamline".  They telepathically lift him in the air and one of the others starts reducing his body temperature.  They have blocked his ability to call the Lloigor for help so he better start talking.

Streamline cracks and says Maximan lied about the alignment.  It's happening now.  Destroying the two worlds actually removed a flaw in the Omnihedron, "you did the Lloigor's work for them".  The Lloigor plan to she the whole structure vibrating at a certain pitch and need to destroy one more world to make it happen.

Streamline: "But when the Omnihedron begins to resonate they plan to ascend along its ge-ge-geometry towards something called Point Zenith."

Streamline cracks.

This will allow them to unfold and become part of everything that exists, able to change anything with just a thought.  The final world to be destroyed is Alternatibe 230, where the Cult Of The Black Sun (the Lloigor cult from Phase One) have a bomb in the Antartic.  It's the central point of the Omnihedron and also Zenith's homeworld.  Streamline is then frozen to death and a resolute Peter says he's going after Maximan.

We cut to Alternative 230.  A cult member talks to Ace Hart and Captain Miracle who were betrayed and possessed by the Lloigor.  The cultist says:

Cultist: "It's hard to believe that we stand on the threshold of a new heaven, a new earth. A universe of order."

The cultists goes on to say that all they have to do is arm the bomb and "Auf Weidersehen world".  He walks through the Nazi decorated base with Ace Heart and Captain Miracle and asks if the cult will survive, that they have served and venerated the Lloigor for twenty thousand years.  They reach the bomb, "the end of all things.  The Chaostructor."

At the Antarctic base on Alternative 230.

Outside, Mr. Lion and Mr. Unicorn go to investigate a mysterious tree alone in the snowy landscape.  It turns out to be Oakman and he impales Mr. Unicorn on his branches while the others who were hidden by the Blue Wizard deal with Mr. Lion.  They find a ventilation shaft and enter the base:

Vertex: "All right.  Let's kick bottom".

There is another battle and one of the cultists tries to arm the bomb.  Big Ben stops him.  Meanwhile Peter and Mantra have gone to confront Maximan.  He admits that he destroyed his world and killed all three billion people so he could be alone.  Then the Lloigor came:

Maximan: "They offered me a place in their ranks.  A test of faith was required.  Rrrrr.  So I tore, that is to say.  Rrrripped out my eyes.  My own eyes.  And for the first time I saw.  Thank you."

Mantra and Peter take on Maximan.

Then he asks if he really believes they can stop him.  Back in the Antartic Big Ben is confronted by Ace Hart, who zaps him to prevent him disarming the bomb.  He conjures up a bridge to escape through, but a terminally wounded Big Ben manages to grab ahold of him until the others arrive and deal with him.  They all decide to go through the Bridge and Vertex takes the bomb with them.

Mantra is trying to reason with Maximan.  She says the Lloigor want to abolish freewill and run the universe like clockwork.  She gets close to him and he jams his fingers in her eyes and tosses her to one side. Now only Peter is left to fight him.  Peter and maximan start an epic battle.  Peter manages to get Maximan mad and Maximan responds by starting to take him apart on the molecular level.

The cavalry arrive.

Then the rest of the heroes arrive through the Bridge.  A huge energy beam starts shooting up through the floor.  Peter yells at the others to not let Maximan step inside it.  But they fail and Maximan floats inside the column of energy.  Even with Alternative 230 saved the Lloigor can still ascend through "sheer force of will".

Maximan: "I see it.  The crystal Omnihedron. Planes and lines.  Continuums intersecting.  We arise.  We arise to Godhead. To Point Zenith!"

The heroes start panicking about what to do, and Vertex says he has the bomb from Alternative 230.  They decide to set it off to destroy this world, and they start to run for the Bridge which is disintergrating.  It closes completely before Vertex can go through.  "Oh well" he says, and sets the bomb off destroying Maximan and his world.

NOT Zenith.

Back in the Antartic, The Blue Wizard erects a monument to the fallen.  The assembled start organising going back to their own worlds.  The ones who have had their worlds destroyed are invited to join them.  The assembled think it was Zenith who made the ultimate sacrifice.  But then he saunters out and says:

Zenith: "It must have been Vertex.  Sounds like the sort of stupid thing he'd do.  I've been here the whole time."

The Black Archer snaps that he hopes Zenith's name will be taken off the memorial.  The Blue Wizard just says "let's go home."  Meta maid invites Zenith for a quicky before she goes, but after she has gone, one of the unamed heroes says to Zenith that she's really a man.  Zenith then calls over "TNT Tom" and points him in the direction of where Meta Maid is saying "this could be your lucky day".  Zenith really is a prick.

Some of the survivors get ready to depart.

Everyone bar the heroes indigenous to Alternative 230 have left.  Peter St. John is looking thoughtful and Zenith says to him:

Zenith: "So we saved the universe then? How do you follow that?...what happens now?"

Peter: "What now? What now indeed?"

And that brings Phase Three to a close.  I'm so pleased this series lived up to my memories of reading it fortnightly the first time around.  It's a thrilling ride from beginning to end and discovering who the various heroes were or who they were based on thanks to the excellent website I linked at the start meant that twenty five odd years later I learnt something new about it and got a whole other layer of enjoyment about it.  Zenith has his obnoxiousness turned up to eleven in this adventure, but he's really just a small part of a huge story which feels like a fine ending to all the build-up in the previous two Phases.  So I must say, having stopped reading 2000AD by then I am curious how this epic story was followed up in Phase Four.  I mean how do you top saving the universe?  You'll have to wait until my next UK comics month for the fourth and final Phase which will be just as much a voyage of discovery for me as it will be for many of you. For now though, Zenith Phase Three remains one of my favourite series to run in 2000AD and you can see a lot of cosmic stuff that Grant Morrison will go onto explore further in his later career here as well. So, Zenith Phase Three. An excellent series which I probably haven't done justice to. The end.

All Star Section Eight (#1-6)

"I mean does no one awesome want to be a superhero any more?" - Sixpack

Yes, this is actually published by a US company, but the artist and writer originate from the UK, and well that's close enough for me.... Look MY blog, MY rules.  Actually I was going to cover this last month but the final issue was delayed and so I didn't pick it up until the other day so you're getting it now instead. I am broke, so unfortunately I am what is called a "Trade waiter" or someone who can't afford to buy individual comics.  But when I read that Garth Ennis and John McCrae would be reuniting to bring us a six issue miniseries based on the team of utterly useless "heroes" from their Hitman series, I ran to my local Forbidden Planet and said "here, take all of my monies".  And I felt I needed to support this endeavour because I want DC to know that if they release awesome comics, by awesome writers and artists based on much loved concepts, they will profit from it.  When they did a universal reboot in 2011 called "The New 52", it wiped out all of the DCU's prior history and we got tiresome, grimdark reimagined versions that seemed to be aimed at teenaged boys circa 1992 but with the characters that were in place during The Silver Age, which also resulted in many popular legacy characters being retconned out of DC history.  This gave it a somewhat schizophrenic tone in the main, and the few series that tried to be imaginative and quirky as well as mature, such as Dial H and Frankenstein (both of which I have praised on this very blog) were cancelled fairly quickly.  I've ragged on overall execution of The New 52 quite a bit since I began this blog, but after another reboot earlier this year called "Convergence", The New 52 is no more.  Our long, national nightmare is over! Huzzah!

Convergence melded elements from all DCU timelines, and the new attitude behind it seems to have mainly bought back a sense of fun and freshness to the DCU.  Rather than a crippling attempt to adhere to one rigid history, we're getting a more relaxed attitude to continuity and some interesting versions of old friends. It seems to be nicknamed the DC "Youniverse" now, and outside of this miniseries there are plenty of series I am planning to pick up in trade when the first wave are released.  But like I said, this was different, I wanted it now.  While The New 52 groaned under the weight of editorial meddling and constant crossovers designed to keep the universe straight, the DC Youniverse appears to be a place where series and miniseries can exist in isolation and not rely on reading a different series to get the full story.

GAH!

ANYWAY. A year ago I spent all of November looking at the seven volumes of Garth Ennis and John McCrae's Hitman, which was about Tommy Monaghan, the titular Hitman who had telepathy and X-ray vision.  Much to my delight, what I thought would be an obscure series to cover has actually proved to be tied with Cerebus as the one people seem most interested in reading about.  Which is cool.  Now, when Garth Ennis ends a series, he tends to kill off all the supporting characters and hopeless "superteam" Section Eight were victims of said deck clearing with only the alchoholic leader Sixpack and perverted Bueno Excellente surviving.  Apropos of nothing, I've always been impressed with the loyalty Ennis seems to inspire in his artist collaborators, I've been rereading my old issues of CRISIS, and twenty-six years ago a young Ennis got his first series published in it, his artist?  An almost unrecognisable John McCrae.  And here they are many years later still working together.  That's pretty damn cool. 

The story begins with a montage of pre-New 52 heroes battling enemies alongside the original Section Eight, before ending with the statement:

Narrator: "And when the day came that the others fell in battle it was Sixpack who stood alone and sacrificed himself to save the world."

Sixpack sacrificed himself to go fight Lovecraftian demons in their own reality and it was heavily implied he returned, got clean and found a new life as plain, ordinary Sidney Speck. Then it is Sidney Speck we join as he attends a gallery opening in his role as an art critic for which he is much admired. 

Back in Noonan's sleazy bar.

Unfortunately a drinks order gets mixed up and he accidentally drinks some alchohol and immediately becomes a raving drunk, he strips off and glasses one of the other attendees and things blur and he finds himself back in Noonan's bar as Sixpack.  The demon Baytor is still tending bar and Hacken is still the only one of the hitmen left alive.

Sixpack says to Hacken that he knows there is a "threat" and he has to "stop it".  He has to get the team back together and starts phoning potential teammembers.  He ends up with Bueno Excellente, Powertool, Guts, The Grapplah and Dogwelder II.  Sixpack is confused as to how Dogwelder can be alive but Dogwelder II silently brooks no investigation and Sixpack drops the issue.

Section Eight mk. II

Sixpack wonders who he can get to fill the last two spots so it makes Eight members.  Hacken suggest Baytor who is dropping heavy hints that he'd like to join:

Hacken: "He shoots big wads of disgusting white fluid that hardens round people before crumbling them into dust, and he's the demon lord of criminal insanity..."

Sixpack agrees and Baytor becomes member number seven.  With one spot left to fill, Sixpack sees Batman parked outside and rushes out to try and recruit him.

Batman ignores him and goes to the cashpoint to get some money.  He returns to the Batmobile and finds a traffic warden writing him a ticket.  He shouts "I've bent over backwards to help you people...!" The traffic warden, who is black, says dryly "you people?"  Batman blusters a bit and she leaves telling him he has thirty days to pay.  Still ignoring Sixpack pleas, Batman tosses the ticket away and drives off leaving Sixpack alone.

McCrae is gonna make a mint of the original art here.

We then get a flashback to a man browsing stuff in a junkshop.  He comments to the shop owner that he has a family, with two kids.  But he discovers Dogwelder's mask and torch and bewitched, puts the mask on and runs out and welds a dog to a passer-by.

Back in Noonan's, Sixpack has decided to try and recruit the Hal Jordan Green Lantern.  The others are playing cards and Bueno Excellente starts flirting with Guts, who is female.  Sixpack briefly blacks out and hears voices saying "Just hurting you.  Same again. Over and over.  Forever".

Then Sixpack returns to reality and yells, "we godda joina Green Lantern Corpsh!"  On the roof the seven of them wearing Green Lanter T-shirts chant the Green Lantern code.  Then Sixpack gets out a box containing a "slutty vampire costume" and says one of them has to be Star Sapphire.

A demented plan in action.

The plan is she'll "attack" and they'll defeat her and draw the attention of the Green Lanterns.  Guts gets to wear the costume and they enact the plan, but it doesn't work unsurprisngly.  Sixpack then throws up on the Grapplah and they decide to take a break.

Guts goes to change out of the costume in the toilets and Bueno Excellente spies on her.  Then a mysterious voice bellows, "stay thy hand Sir Bueno of the Excellence."  The voice says he is not the only one who wants the "heart of the fair maiden Guts."  And the voice reveals itself to Bueno Excellente, but not to the reader. Yet.

I don't think Ennis likes Hal Jordan.

Sixpack is trying to return the Green Lantern shirts and gets into a prolonged argument with the shop keeper while outside Hal Jordan subdues a rampaging dinosaur.  he is being interviews by the local news when Sixpack rushes up to talk to him. Hal thinks the TV people are punking him and angrily hails a taxi saying he wants to "keep his dignity" and leaves the scene, Sixpack once again fails to acquire an eighth member.

We return to Bueno Excellente and his unseen challenger, who we finally get a look at.  He is an enormous tapeworm living inside Guts called "Sir Percival Orifice, Tape of the Worm". He challenges Bueno Excellente for the hand of Guts saying, "gird thy loins for what must sorely follow".

Sir Percival has a waxed moustache! Hahahaha!

Back with the rest of Section Eight, they have a new member in Martian Manhunter, J'onn J'onzz.  He says he feels drawn to them because they are outsiders and outcasts like him.

J'onn: "Word of your return has travelled far Sixpack.. Heroes everywhere have heard the news."

We then get a double page spread of DC's top heroes discussing them, not very complimentarily but J'onn says he "came as soon as he heard."  Bueno Excellente and Sir Percival are about to do battle to the death, Sir Percival says "the choice of weapons falls to you".  Bueno Excellente grins.

Sixpack tells J'onn he's been having doubts.  He keeps hearing voices telling him "it's the same adventures, the same stories, the same endings, over an' over.  Forever."  J'onn says that doubts are something all heroes have.  He gets insulted all the time for how he looks and dresses.  The best thing to do is:

J'onn: "Seek out the one thing that defines us.  That gives us meaning.  That gives our likes the meaning we crave.  Take us into action".

The closest Section Eight mk. II gets to action.

We get an imaginary sequence of Section Eight going into battle.  It is truly epic.  Sixpack, enthused, says he remembers now that there is a threat and he'll get the guys together.

J'onn says he'll join him in a moment, he needs the bathroom.  Before he goes in the Grapplah warns him "Bueno and this tapeworm guy are having a perve off."  J'onn goes in anyway and is greeted by a soul scarring sight.

He screams in horror and flies out of Noonans by the quickest route through the ceiling.  Sir Percival gives in but Bueno drags him back to finish him off and Section Eight are down a member again, alas.

Sorry J'onn, what has been seen cannot be unseen.

Garth Ennis doesn't have a lot of time for superheroes, the exceptions being Superman and Wonder Woman, who kicks off the next issue by confronting Section Eight and telling them she won't be joining them (I must admit, I like the "shorts" version of her costume here), she also gets the honour of starring in the funniest issue of the mini as well.

She tells Sixpack not to contact her again or "you'll find out what an Amazon warrior does."  She departs saying that any superheroine who would join them would have to have brain damage. As she walks outside, Baytor who is fixing the sign accidentally belts her in the face with a huge mallet and well, this happens.

Be careful what you wish for Sixpack..

Sixpack says she can join and she is very happy.  As she skips around the bar trashing the place, the rest of Section Eight, bar Bueno Excellente and Guts who are out, worry they'll get into trouble for this.  Wonder Woman takes tea with Dogwelder II saying he probably likes his with dogs welded to it while the others discuss the ethics of having a brain damaged member on the team.

Powertool says that from a feminist perspective "we're on very dubious ground."  Grapplah dimisses him saying women are happy "knitting and shopping and cooking dinner for her guy"  Confused, Sixpack asks Hacken about "this equality thing."  Hacken says "if a woman wants to do something no one should stand in her way... even if what she wants is incredibly ******* dumb."

Wonder Woman keeps bouncing gleefully round the bar, Sixpack introduces Bueno Excellente and Guts to her when they return.  When she is told Guts is Bueno Excellente's girlfriend she declares "now we can have a wedding".  So Bueno Excellente and Guts get married by Baytor who reads from the Book of Revelation.  The ceremony complete, Bueno Excellete "kisses" Guts, although actually he does something to her so filthy we can't be shown.  The others throw up, while Wonder Woman giggles and says "that's naughty".

A special day.

While she builds a private room for Bueno Excellente and Guts' honeymoon, Sixpack declares it's "crossed a line!  This can't be allowed to happen!"  Then Baytor whacks her with the hammer again and restores her mind.  She looms over a panicking Sixpack and says "This. Didn't. Happen".  He babbles that he is sorry and he's been trying to fill the eighth slot in the team and she replies:

Wonder Woman: "It's all a waste of time, Sidney.  You need to stop it. Haven't you realised it yet?"

When Sixpack asks who Sidney is, Wonder Woman denies saying it and departs the bar leaving a bewildered Sixpack in her wake.

The next issue starts with Sixpack alone half-passed out on the bar floor when the Phantom Stranger comes to visit.  He's been reimagined as a rapper, complete with backing singers.  It's probably the weakest issue in that respect because while funny for a couple of pages, the joke is overstretched at around half an issue. 

Hip Hop-tastic Phantom Stranger.

The Phantom Stranger tells Sixpack he has business in the afterlife.  Sixpack asks if he is dead.  Phantom Stranger says he's "Just a visitor tonight".  The Phantom Stranger then summons Etrigan.  But all Etrigan does is is sing that DC should release Ennis and McCrae's run on "The Demon" as a trade paperback and after that bit of meta, The Phantom Stranger and Sixpack move on.

They go to Limbo, the place where souls go when they aren't good enough for heaven but not bad enough for hell:

Phantom Stranger: "Saints go to heaven, Hell's for killaz:  Limbo's for fools is just kinda vanilla."

The original Section Eight sans Dogwelder in Limbo.

Also the odd, freaks and weirdos that "confound even God."  Then Sixpack is bought face to face with the original Section Eight; Flegem, Friendly Fire, Shakes, Jean de Baton and The Defenestrator.  Friendly Fire immediately lays into Sixpack for getting them killed.  Flegem asks if he is there to join them.  Sixpack says that he's just passed out on the floor of Noonan's but Flegem says he shouldn't be able to wander the spirit world if he isn't dead.  Sixpack asks about Dogwelder and is told he's gone to Hell:

Friendly Fire: "He welded dogs to people for *****'s sake!  Where the **** do you think he is?"

When Sixpack said Dogwelder was a hero, Friendly Fire says that superheroic crap of his got them killed and how come "you're a wandering soul still attached to a corporeal body?"  They show him something that Sixpack doesn't want to face and them he finds himself back with the Phantom Stranger outside an art gallery in the snow. Round the corner is a naked man lying in the snow.

Sixpack: "Oh the poor guy.  He's so cold."

*sniffle*

And he goes over to him and the man is obiously Sixpack/Sidney, and puts his cloak over him before lying next to him to keep him warm.  He then wakes with a start back at Noonan's.  Section Eight mk.II are all there, Dogwelder II is watching an appeal on the TV from his family to come home.  Sixpack is freaking out about his dream:

Sixpack: "I-I just don't know if I can keep doin' this.  I think somethin's changed. I think all the stuff I thought might be wrong..."

Then, to everyone present's shock and surprise, Superman appears at the door to the bar and invites Sixpack to join him, greeting him as an "old friend" and that it's time to go.

Superman getting ready to give a pep talk.

They teleport to Superman's Fortress of Solitude. Sixpack wants to know why Superman would come for him "Because you're a hero, Sixpack.  Heroes are always there for each other".  Sixpack is somewhat overwhelmed by the strange and wonderful things in the Fortress.  Superman takes him to a large window opening onto a view of the cold wilderness the Fortress is based in.

Superman: "I find it inspiring.  Whatever troubles I have seem somehow less before its majesty."

He then asks Sixpack what troubles him.  Sixpack repeats the fears he told Martian Manhunter.  That he's having doubts about this whole hero thing, that maybe he isn't a hero, "I think I'm just a pathetic loser. I think maybe I ain't even real."

Sixpack admits his doubts.

Sixpack carries on with his doubts that the entire world is in his head and that costumes and superheros are "kinda dumb".  And that all the same stuff happens over and over, doesn't that add up as going through the mind of a loser?  He tells Superman he was sent to a "cold place" where he was lying drunk in an alley.

There wasn't any heroes, power rings or cyborg armour.  If your parents got shot in front of you you ended up "a basket case."  You got a shot of radiation and you died.

Sixpack: "But it was more than that.  See, I even without alla that, there wasn't no heroes 'cause it was too hard to be one."

Superman agrees that it is a "bleak notion".  Then he asks Sixpack if he is aware that in ancient cultures there was a belief that "One of the Gods dreamed the world into being?"  Everything in his dream existed and if the God awoke the dream would end and so would the world.  "Then you better hope I don't sober up, I guess" says Sixpack sadly.

Back at Noonan's, Dogwelder II's wife has arrived.  When she realises her really is her husbacn she takes him outside where his kids are waiting.  He starts to take the welding helmet off but as he lifts the visor, one of his kids brings out a small dog.  Dogwelder II fires up his welding torch and the action cuts to the watching Baytor and Powertool as a scream sounds off panel.

Back with Superman and Sixpack, they have left the Fortress of Solitude and he says to him, that if he isn't a hero then "how exactly do you explain that?"  And he shows him the statue his friends erected to him in the Hitman series after his sacrifice against the Many Angled Ones.  Sixpack is overwhelmed, and Superman says "it's going to be Okay Sixpack" and hands him a bottle of whiskey.

Nice callback to Hitman.

Sixpack comes rushing into Noonan's and summons Section Eight to him.  Dogwelder II has run off.  The Grapplah has managed to accidentally hang himself in the toilets. Guts and Bueno Excellente are still celebrating their "honeymoon" in the Ladies toilets.  Sixpack says something terrible is coming and they have to stop it.

Powertool's drink gets knocked on the floor and when Powertool powers up his suit, standing in the liqiud causes him to electrocute himself.  Not keen on facing a terrible threat, Baytor goes and hides in the cellar. So Sixpack goes out as the narrator speaks of a world of wonders:

"A place where men and women walked through fire, or soared amongst the fabirc of the stars, or conquered within the fabric of reality itself.  All that good might be triumphant...This is his world.  His dream.  Whichever.  As dreams go.. well..I suppose you could do worse"

Very heartwarming.

Oh Garth, you have mellowed.  That is a truly touching ending having "real" Sixpack wrapped in Superman's cloak, keeping him alive.  And to find Ennis accepting that a world with superheroes in it can be considered a good one and worth keeping alive is like Scrooge discovering the true meaning of Christmas.  Ennis' Superman reminds me very strongly of All Star Superman's iconic take on the man from Krypton.  Wise, gentle, in someways totally alien and yet also representing the best humanity can aspire to be (and how different from the prat currently starring in the mainstream Superman titles), Ennis has nailed all that is appealing about the character in one single issue.  Overall I loved this miniseries, I love the fact that in the end Section Eight mk. II didn't do much except play cards and bicker in Noonan's.  Honestly part of me could have read a much longer series with many more heroes stumbling into contact with them.  I loved the Wonder Woman issue for his humour and the Superman issue for it's affirmation of the power of the superheroic narrative best, but it was all good stuff, with great art by John McCrae to boot. I'd absolutely love it if this series makes Ennis consider maybe launching a new series of something in the mainstream DCU, because Ill be there with my £2.15 a month supporting it if he does trade waiting be damned.  If you enjoyed Hitman, you can't fail to enjoy this miniseries, it's rude, it's gross, it's funny and it's heartwarming. Excellente!

Marshal Law: The Kingdom Of The Blind (one-shot)

"A lot of people say I hate heroes.  That's not true you know...you see I just LOVE beating the crap out of them!" - Marshal Law

If you haven't read my two previous posts on Marshal Law then here is a quick summary.  He's an ex-soldier from a catastrophic war between the US and various South American countries.  Genetically fiddled with, the soldiers were given super strength and resiliance and when they returned to civilian life many ended up very messed up and Joe Gilmore became Marshal Law, a secret policeman who specialised in dealing with "heroes" roaming the wreckage of the former San Francisco now renamed San Futuro after a devastating earthquake destroyed much of the city.  At the same time the government was making supersoldiers they were also creating more traditional superheroes as propaganda tools, who were murderous, venal and corrupt yet worshipped by the masses.  The first miniseries I looked at, "Fear And Loathing" saw Marshal Law tangle with "The Public Spirit" his earth's Superman analogue.  The Public Spirit was assassinated by the government after becoming an embarrasment to them with his drug fueled murderous antics.  This 1991 one-shot follows directly on from that first miniseries and has a very somber tone. "Marshal Law Takes Manhattan" which came after this one saw the finger of fun being poked at Marvel's superhero line-up in a slightly more humorous tale.  This time writer Pat Mills and artist Kevin O'Neill take on the Batman archetype, in a typically savage and bloody deconstruction.  This one-shot was another "TOXIC Presents" deal, but has been collected in the hardback Complete Marshal Law book, which I don't own hence the rather murky scans of a twenty-four year old comic printed on crummy paper.  Let us continue.

Introducing The Private Eye.

The story begins with a mocked up newspaper front page called "The Public Eye".  It claims that a hero called "The Private Eye" is the cure for the crime epidemic sweeping San Futuro.  We then see a huge building and zoom inside it as a man narrates his thoughts, he is billionaire Scott Brennan aka The Private Eye.

He thinks about how he has the same dream every night.  Lots of hands grabbing and grasping trying to "take it all away from me."  They are animals, diseased, parasitic dog-meat.  So every night he goes out and deals with them.  But once he's cut out their greed he's doing them a favour, they'll become "victims" and then "they'll get sympathy from all the do-gooders and bleeding hearts".
He ruminates that some people speculate that he has "something wrong in the bed department".  But "sex is a poor mans polo" and he keeps himself pure because there are "more exciting things to do at night."  He then puts on his crime fighting uniform asks the shrine to his dead parents if they approve of what he does?  Does he have their blessing?  "After all, you were the ones who taught me to love the dark".  They were shot leaving a video rental store when he was a teenager.

He drives out in his Eye-Mobile, while a news report fills in the role of Marshal Law in local law enforcement over the radio.  Private Eye accosts a young man who just robbed an off-licence.  He beats him badly and tells him:

Private Eye: "I am a specialist of criminal disorders. And I intend to cure this city of the infection that is eating its soul."

Interesting um.. weapon there Suicida.

Meanwhile a crazy war vet called Suicida and his gang are causing a commotion at a sex shop that caters for superhero fetishes.  Suicida thinks it's explotative of the ex-soldiers.  The clerk says they donate money to a veteran's rehabilitation fund.

Suicida: "I don't want to be rehabilitated!  I like being a psychopath!"

Then Marshal Law arrives and they have a knock down, drag out fight that Marshal wins.  He drops Suicida down a hole and then tells the rest of his gang to tell him the war is over.  "You know our war is never over" snarls one gang member back at Marshal, who is then called away.

He finds Private Eye in the process of slicing up a criminal.  Marshal calls out to him to stop or he'll fire.  "Somehow I don't think so, Marshal" says Private Eye, and he swoops away.  Marshal speaks to the criminal who is now minus seven fingers.  Apparently Private Eye offered him the choice, ten years or ten fingers.  Marshal notes he's been left three fingers, "time off for good behaviour?"  This incenses the man:

Criminal: "I don't believe this! Marshal Law the hero hunter, siding with the hero! Why..? What's so special about Private Eye?"

Marshal says nothing.  Back with Private Eye's thoughts and he notes that Marshal "reveres him as a God."  Falling for the myth he has created of the avenging hero looking after the city.

Private Eye: "He turns a blind eye to the truth.  That I secretly fear them as much as they fear me... that I'm terrified my dream will come true."

Definitely one of the best designed and coolest characters ever.

He runs over another criminal, the underside of his car cutting then stitching up the man as he drives over him.  He arrives at an orphanage and a nun introduces the kids to him.  The nun thanks him for coming, Private Eye notes that his father would invite orphans to their house on Christmas day "to share in their good fortune" so he's always had an interest in them.

She says he's done good work placing children with his rich friends.  He says he wonders if he has the right to "adopt another after the tragic death of my last six wards?"  Then he asks how number seven is shaping up and is introduced to a young boy in a green superhero costume called Tom.  Private Eye asks how he'd like to be the next "Emergency Ward?"  Tom is excited and says yes. 

After a conversation about his shruken genitals courtesy of the anti-masturbation pills the nuns give the children, Private Eye says he'll have fun with him, no time for girls. Tom says he might end up like Public Spirit.  "Yes, I think you probably will" says Private Eye.

The new Emergency Ward.

And in a grimly humourous cut, we shift to Public Spirit's funeral, which is well attended by screaming fans.  In his underground base, Marshal Law and his friend and fellow cop, a huge man called "Kiloton", are watching.  Marshal says he wishes he could have been there, "to kick the corpse".  Kiloton says Marshal Law hates heroes even when they are dead.

Marshal Law says Public Spirit was "murderous scum" and that it's a "pity the government had to cover up what a slime he really was."  They spot Scott Brennan giving the eulogy.  Everyone knows he is Private Eye and Kiloton says they need to go after him next.  Marshal admits he bumped into him the other night and let him go, much to Kiloton's horror:

Kiloton: "Joe, he's even more of a shit than the Public Spirit."

Marshal: "Oh, I don't know.  I used to really admire the guy."

Marshal says he has an aura like Dracula, a "ruler of the night."  Kiloton points out he's a "pervert who enjoys pain" and in the thirty years he's been hacking up criminals crime has actually sextupled. 

Marshal says Private Eye is an American institution, Kiloton says he belongs in one.  Kiloton then shows him an article by Scott Brennan criticising Marshal Law and when Marshal shrugs it off, Kiloton says that it's a warning shot.  Private Eye knows Marshal is responsible for the circumstances around Public Spirit's death and will come after him. Marshal says they are both in the business of "dealing with punks".

Do YOU feel lucky?

Kiloton says the difference is that Marsal has the badge behind him.  Then he asks Marshal why he thinks Private Eye goes on about the deaths of his parents so much  He would love to know what really happened the night they were murdered.  This leads us into a flashback to said night.  At the video store, a teenage Scott is checking out the porn.  His father says it's not suitable and his mother has picked him something wholesome from the cartoon section.  "'Wholesome', that's rich coming from you" says Scott as they leave.

Then outside his parents are shot by their butler Albert.  His mother dies instantly his father is injured but still alive.  Scott thanks Albert then asks for the gun to finish his father off and blows his brains out.  Back in the present, Private Eye thinks back to how he learned so much about manipulating the human psyche to create a hero figure, from his father's notes. "Enabling me to declare war on them and make them love me for it."

Private Eye's Secret Origin.

He walks up to the coffins holding his parents remains and says "thanks pop".  He walks outside his "Eyrie" which towers above the city and takes a piss over the edge, over "his" city.  Then he goes back inside and is attacked by Albert, this is allowed as it keeps Private Eye on his toes.  Albert is still working for him thanks to Scott blackmailing him about his role in his parent's death.

Private Eye sits and thinks and we get a flashback to his parents who are scientists doing cruel experiments on animals.  Most crucially sewing up a newborn kitten's eyes then finding out when they take the stitches out weeks later it can't see.  They also decapitate Scott's dog and keep it alive via machinery.

Then they start experimenting on Scott, on Christmas day he is allowed to open his presents and play with them in the morning, then in the afternoon they invite orphans to come over and force Scott to give them his toys.  Then they tested how he would react to sight deprivation and make him wear a hood all the time.

Private Eye: "For months I staggered about in the dark.  I was as blind as a bat... and I learned to love the dark."

Flashback to Scott's childhood.

He began plotting the deaths of his parents then too.  In the present Kiloton has gained access to one of Scott Brennan's slaughterhouses and found that as well as animals he's been keeping the bodies of his wards, including Tom as organ donors for him and sold to others too.  Kiloton shows Marshal this via a comm link:

Kiloton: "The Private Eye is Dracula, okay... a vampire preying on young boys."

Then Private Eye swoops down and rams a huge chainsaw through Kiloton, this galvanises Marshal Law into action, "It's time Marshal Law. I'll be waiting for you" taunts Private Eye.

Marshal Law arrives at the slaughterhouse to be greeted by the dismembered corpse of Kiloton.  He admits he was blind to Private Eye's true motives, but now he sees Private Eye for the monster he is.  His thermal imaging gun detects someone and he fires, killing Albert.  Then Private Eye bursts out from some hanging cow meat and attacks.

Ewwwww.

They trade gunfire and Marshal Law gets knocked down and lands besides Private Eye, before he can get up Private Eye applies an electro-shock weapon to Marshal's nuts.  Marshal pretends it hurts, before revealing he had that area reinforced and he kicks Private Eye away.  He grabs a nearby hammer and strikes Private Eye in the chest, but Private Eye has that area armoured as well and he draws a gun on Marshal.

Private Eye sneers at the rest of humanity, but Marshal just insults him by insinuating he has sex with his wards.  He then jams some hanging meat into Private Eye and escapes down a conveyor belt.  He uses his camoflague cloak to disguise himself and hides in a pile of cow guts.  He then rises up and grapples Private Eye into a tank of boiling water where he hits him very hard.

Batman had celebrated his 50th anniversary a couple of years prior to this.

They get ejected down another conveyor, Marshal lands safely but Private Eye ends up hanging over a huge meat grinder.  He pleads for help from Marshal.

Marshal Law: "Not even Private Eye deserves such a hideous, cruel death...gotta... gotta save him.  Just as soon as I've blown my nose."

Private Eye loses his grip and falls into the grinder.  A huge fountain of blood sprays up and an eyeball falls into Marshal's hand.  He squishes it in contempt.  Then he returns to the body of Kiloton and salutes it, the comic ends with him thinking:

Marshal Law: "I'm a hero hunter.  I hunt heroes.  I guess maybe I found one."

Paying Kiloton the ultimate tribute.

"Kingdom Of The Blind" is very Marshal Law take on Batman.  It wickedly skewers elements such as the fetishisation of his parents death and his habit of putting young boys in danger as his wards (Jason Todd had recently been killed when this came out and of course Damien Wayne got killed not long ago as well.  They got better eventually) but with, of course, a sadistic and murderous twist.  Having him as a "hero" who in some ways Marshal looks up to adds an interesting frisson to the story and Kiloton stepping up and taking things into his own hands of course gives us the wonderful moment when Marshal realises he finally found a hero, albeit at the cost of Kiloton's life.  If I have a criticism, it's that parodying The Dark Knight Returns use of a long inner monologues makes some parts extremely slow and wordy when perhaps a couple more pages would have stretched them over the action more effectively, although maybe I am just hungry for more Kevin O'Neill art!  Anyway, this is Mill and O'Neill once again at their savage best, providing the kind of shotgun blast deconstruction of the superhero concept that writers like Garth Ennis would got on to perfect a decade or so later. Great stuff.